The writing is very good (thematic development, pacing, grammar/syntax, et al.) The dialogue is pretty much spot on also. This story has stuck with me for two reasons-- one facet that is very unrealistic (Pam) and one that's very realistic/in character (Jim).

The unrealistic thing is how Pam gets with Ryan. This story starts only a few days after her second, final breakup with Roy, and his subsequent attack on Jim. A lot of her thoughts are going to be about processing this and her whole decade-long relationship with Roy. A lot of her other thoughts are going to be on her long and conflicted (currently, especially) relationship with Jim: jealousy, anger, hurt, longing, regret and attraction. I don't see a lot of immediate mental room for jumping into a new sexual relationship with Ryan, whom she doesn't even know or like that well at the beginning of the cruise. Given that she barely even tried to contact Jim in Stamford when they're both single and obviously attracted, and she's just gotten out of things with Roy (the only man she's ever slept with), it's hard to see her doing much more with Ryan than just beginning to develop a glimmer of attraction, certainly not making a love nest and flaunting it in front of Jim-- all in a couple days... spurring a little jealousy in Jim, perhaps, but not closing the door to him or making the situation desperate. Even if she does have a fling with Ryan it's hard to see her, after only a few weeks or a month, not even being able to perceive a possible relationship with Jim anymore, after years of wanting it on some level, at the end when he is newly single.

On the other hand, if you can take the budding Ryan relationship as a given, then Jim's behavior and the alternate-universe final outcome are intriguing, because Jim's conduct is very much in character, even though he seems like a jerk. Same character + different circumstances = different outcome. In the show, Jim breaks up with Karen and then comes back to Pam without 'holding onto the safety rail'. Be he has heard Pam's none-too-subtle Beach Games confession, Pam is single, and Jim has a lot of good history to draw on. So no safety rail but he knows the chances are good. Here, he makes the pathetic, jerky deal that he will break it off with Karen if Pam promises in advance to be waiting for him. It seems like his character is very different from canon but really the only thing that's changed is the external circumstance of Pam's new hookup with Ryan. It's just too much for Jim to handle given their history.

It reminds me of another fanfic (Nearing the Edge) where Pam has a car breakdown while Roy's out of town, a few days after the Booze Cruise, leading to Jim making his Casino-night confession much earlier, allowing him to stay in Scranton while Pam processes Jim vs. Roy, and eliminating the whole Stamford/Karen path. Funny how little random things, beyond anyone's control or even knowledge, can change the whole course of history! So I like this story for illuminating this truth.

Author's Response:

Wow!  First off, thank you for this thoughtful review, I really appreciate you taking the time to explain what you did and didn't like about the story (instead of just - "This is totally not Pam! You suck!" haha).  I really liked what you said about Jim, and how even this isn't the Jim we normally see, it COULD be him, given the situation.  Fanfic is all about circumstances, in my opinion, and putting characters you love into new situations, so I'm so happy that you could see this Jim (I know quite a few people had trouble doing that when reading this).

As for Pam, I think we're approaching her differently.  I completely see where you're coming from - how could she jump into something so quickly and shut off the possibility of Jim without fully knowing what could have been there, right?  Basically, how I envisioned it was that Pam has spent her entire life with one guy, and the only time she's had to be single has been spent mooning over someone who supposedly isn't interested anymore.  She gets back together with Roy, which ends up being an obvious mistake, so I think at least for her relationship with Roy, it's really over for her.  I think that she would want a clean break from it. 

And then there is Jim, who's got this steady relationship that she has to watch play out in front of her everyday.  So, when the possibility of Ryan comes up, he's someone she's never even thought about and it takes her by surprise.  It's a powerful feeling, when someone completely new is showing interest in you like that, which she's been lacking for such a long time.  So, when things start out with him it's just kind of fun, but she's still got Jim on the brain.  Plus, there's the added effect of being on a boat, away from work.  So I think all that combined could explain her fling with Ryan at least.  Then, when they get home everything is real again, it's not just vacation like it was before.  She has to go back to staring at Jim and Karen everyday, even if Jim is showing a renewed interest in her.

I guess what I was trying to convey was that the trip changed Pam's perspective a bit (like with Jim's character - it could be all about circumstances).  Like, she's only had two options this whole time (Roy or Jim), but now there is this completely unexpected third option.  I think I just wanted the story to be about how, even though you can have this idea in your head of who you SHOULD be with, you could be wrong, and the right person could end up taking you completely by surprise.  It isn't until the very end that Pam makes a decision about wanting to be with Ryan over Jim because she's maybe afraid of letting go of what she always thought would make her happy, instead of taking a risk.  I think in that situation she might be even more prone to eventually taking that risk because she didn't take the risk with Jim at the end of S2, and regretted it.

Anyway, that is my completely rambling, probably incoherent response, but thank you so much for the review!  I'm glad you got something out of it :)

10

There are some great stories on this site, but this is above and beyond. Ethereal, transcendent, staggering, profound... it's so beautiful it's deliciously painful. I didn't even feel like I was reading something; it's more like I was infused into it. There is perfect characterization and gorgeous imagery. This is a molten archetype of the immortal yin/yang, masculine/feminine ideal, crystallized into English. Can two humans love each other better than J&P at the end here? You should seriously be publishing novels with this skill level.

Very nice. This is the only story I've read that attempts to deal realistically with the influence of the documentary crew : the sensation of DM employees living in a fishbowl, censoring themselves for the cameras (which the show deals with), but also the feedback loop of the televised episodes and online viewer community coming back to influence the DM employees. Good job with that.

I have to say I had a strong reaction to this Brian Lensman character-- namely that he is UberDouche 2000. When you go to the doctor and are asked to disrobe, you realize that the doctor is going to be looking at and possibly touching you, which may be embarassing or uncomfortable, but you understand the legitimate purpose of the request and that the doc will be professional and not take advantage of the situation. Here, the DM workers are agreeing to have voyeurs in their lives, in exchange for a little fame, money, curiosity and perhaps some coercion from Michael or Jan. What they have a right not to expect, though, is 'crossing the line' from observation to interference.

Lensman violates this trust in a big way, and I can understand why Jim hates his guts. Even if Lensman actually cares about Pam instead of just taking advantage of his situational knowledge to get into Pam's pants, surely he knows that his boss is going to use this for ratings, and that when it comes to light he's not going to be working on this project anymore, and possibly transferred out of town or even fired. Plus the thing with Jim/Pam is not going away. So he's not going to have a long-term relationship with Pam, just a one-night stand, and for that he risks blowing Jim and Pam's precarious, tentative rapprochement out of the water. That is a selfish bastard. So I don't think it's realistic at all to have Brian and Jim friendly and cooperative at the end, not to mention Jim is going to resent this guy swooping in and getting something he's been trying to have for years.

So that violated the ring of truth for me, but otherwise I liked this story.