I'm sorry I don't have time for a more thoughtful review right now, but I just wanted to say this was just lovely. I started reading fanfic on this site about a year ago and after I came upon one of your fics, I remember spending a good part of my day devouring all of the stories you had posted.
Anyway, your stories always leave a smile on my face, and this one was no exception.
Gorgeous and sexy! How I wish I were Pam...sigh.
And I love love love chinatown and dim sum, so imagine how excited I am about your next chapter!

Author's Response: Wow, how incredibly flattering. I think I'm cyber blushing ;-) Seriously, so great to hear how much you've enjoyed my fics - and I'm happy this one doesn't disappoint. Chinatown is posted and one more chapter is on the way, so stay tuned. Thanks so very much, zeebee - really appreciate your generous comments!

Wow...you just seriously broke my heart with these two chapters. “I’m not sure that’s what love is supposed to feel like.” I have to say, I was not expecting that. My heart just hurts for Pam - like a lot. I know there was a lot of Pam-hating going on, but I have to say, I really never saw Pam as moving away from Jim. It always seemed the opposite to me - Jim not being able to handle Pam’s success - b/c of his inability to make peace with his own life, coupled with his inability to forgive her. To have him question the source of his love for her now - that just depresses me more than anything. Suddenly this doesn’t feel like a “choose your own adventure” type story anymore, but something much more inevitable.
Chapters 10 and 11 were, as always, wonderfully written, but I don’t know. It just hurt too much. I like Emily - I do - but, the part of me that loves Pam just feels so betrayed by this. I can’t imagine how awful this is for Pam - after waiting around for years for her last fiancĂ© to set a date, the man she really loves can’t propose despite having teased her about it for months. That's just got to be a punch to the gut.
I feel so depressed right now.....

Author's Response: Oh, zeebee, don\'t be sad! I swear, Pam will have a happy ending too (just maybe not spelled out in this fic . . . but hopefully it\'s coming soon). I swear, I would never leave her permanently unhappy. Here\'s what I think: by this point of my story I don\'t believe that Pam is really waiting around for Jim to propose anymore. I think she\'s okay with waiting because she\'s enjoying other parts of her life that, until this point, have been sort of ... eh. When she finds the ring she wants to know why Jim has had it for so long and hasn\'t asked, but I\'m not completely sure that she still wants him to ask (just yet). I do think they still love each other (and I do think that Jim really does love Pam -- it\'s just that his love for her has always had so much control over him. It scares him a little.). Anyway, I know it\'s hard to read, and feel free to jump ship if it gets too hard. Just know that Pam is not going to be some old cat lady regretting losing Jim for the rest of her life... I\'d never let that happen to her!

Sorry I made you so depressed. I promise it will get better!

Wow..another review. I hope you aren't sick of me.
I just wanted to also say that this last flashback was the most depressing of them all. I can't even pick one or two lines that struck a chord - the whole passage is just so wonderfully written and painful.
It just really resonates for me. And, to get a bit personal, this is sort of what I'm going through a little bit right now. Watching a relationship just fizzle out and going through the motions, being too exhausted to fight for it, knowing that it isn't working, confusion as to how to fix it, fear of losing it. You've captured that so perfectly here.
It's sad to see them move in together like this- for most that would be a step forward, but here it's really a step backwards. This is them really giving up, isn't it?

Author's Response: Sick of you? Are you kidding me? I live to read such helpful and specific reviews! Keep \'em coming! Yeah, I totally agree that this flashback was the most painful. They both know there\'s a problem, but they haven\'t had the experience (or maybe been together long enough) to know how to fix it. I had someone ask me if I thought they were falling out of love and I said, No. They just are falling victim to the mistakes they\'ve made in the past and continue to make. I think they love each other still . . . they just have no clue how to make it work on a practical level. Does that make sense? Anyway, thanks again. (So sorry to hear about your relationship, BTW. I\'ve been there, and it sucks.)

Wendolf,
You are one of my absolute favorite authors on this site. I couldn't bring myself to read this before today, b/c of the subject matter. I'm one of those people that has a hard time separating reality and fiction when it comes to Jam. I don't love that you've had to travel over to the dark side, but since I find your writing irresistable, I gave in and read.
I have to concur with a previous reviewer, though, I really feel like I am betraying Pam by enjoying this.

I really, really like Emily. I love how Jim is falling in love with her - it feels gentle and easy. I love her reaction to the videos, by the way. The fact that her initial reaction is one of compassion, rather than jealousy really is so endearing. I like that maybe she can be the one to take care of Jim this time and help him heal. If Pam and Jim don't make it, I really hope that he would have a second chance at love like this. And Pam, too.
I’m torn about Pam. I just deleted my initial review b/c I reread the flashback scenes and think that my initial balking at how you wrote Pam was unwarranted. Part of me still doesn’t accept Pam’s changes and really, I kind of hate that she seems so fundamentally different. Especially seeing how happy she was with Jim at the end of S4. When she looks up at him right before the almost-proposal at the fireworks, you know she is totally in love with Jim. To become so distanced in 12 weeks in NY just doesn't sit well with me. I get the whole "she's going off to college" reasoning. But, she's not 18. She's pushing 30 and spent all of S3 on her own figuring out who she was. I can't see 12 weeks in NY altering all of that. I almost wish that you had taken this even more AU and got Jim and Pam together early S3 - I think it would have been easier to accept Pam's transformation knowing that this was really her first time on her own.
But then I also think about the excitement of being at Pratt, though - especially having girlfriends for the first time and having the freedom to do something she loves. It would be realistic for her to maybe resent what Scranton, not Jim, represents - all those years wasted? And also for that to really scare Jim.

There is a scene from an episode in S2 where Jim talks about what he likes about Pam - her warmth, humor, that she's easy to talk to. I think these qualities are fundamental to who Pam is. She's being written in such a different way here though. I don't recognize her as Pam in many of these passages - she feels more like Karen. Especially in this last scene where she looks at Jim with pity when he says he doesn't like his job. I’m wondering if this has more to do with the distortions in Jim’s perceptions of Pam - is this his insecurities getting the better of him? The thing is is that I love Pam as much as Jim, maybe more. It really pains me to see Pam so changed, especially when Jim is still so loveable.

Also, the whole engagement delay - not buying it. I know this has been said before, but maybe if Jim hadn't said anything about it to Pam, I could have taken that leap. But in my mind, once Pam told him she didn't want to wait, I can't see Jim backing off. I think it would have hurt Pam too much and I cannot see Jim knowingly do that. Curious to see how you write Pam's thoughts on that.

Despite these reservations, I am enjoying the story of Emily and Jim. Wierd, right? If you weren't such a gifted writer, I don't think I would be able to stick with this.

One plea - can Pam find someone really wonderful too? I need my Pam to be happy. It will hurt me less. Pretty please?

Author's Response: zeebee, thank you so much for your wonderfully detailed review. I just love the specifics, especially the parts of the story that cause you to go \"huh?\". Totally get what you\'re saying (see my chapter notes for chapter 8), but I wanted to add one thing: I\'m not sure how much Pam REALLY changed during season 3. I think we were supposed to believe that she figured out who she was, but I think she barely scratched the surface. Even at her most brave moment (on the beach), she was still sort of cowardly. So she definitely started the transformation, but (in my eyes) I don\'t think she really got a taste of what could be until a) she started dating Jim and b) she went to Pratt. But that\'s just my opinion of course ;-). (Plus, as I just said to a reviewer below: Pam \"missed\" most of her 20s while she was with Roy. I think she seemed more 30s-ish then than she probably does now! Age is more than a number -- it\'s a state of mind.)

You might be right about the convo with Jim and his job being a bit out of character... maybe she seems a little condescending there. But I really think most of that interpretation is coming from Jim\'s POV. Maybe Pam is just giving him a gentle nudge and he takes it as exasperation. (I think Pam has been shut out of his dreaming in the past -- example, her \"Oh Boy\" after their Philly Jim conversation in Local Ad -- and maybe his \"you\'re enough for me\" attitude is getting a little old?)

Lastly, re: the non-engagement. Personally, that\'s the hardest thing for me to buy, too. It would be hard to imagine him waiting, especially since he bought the ring after a week, right? But I keep thinking that when Pam returns from Pratt sort of changed, maybe he\'s waiting for a sign from her that tells him \"Okay, ask now\" and he\'s not feeling it and then all of his insecurities rear their demonic heads and . . . well, you can see where I\'m heading. Anyway, thank you sooo much for your reviews. They help a ton. (And Pam will be just fine -- don\'t you worry!)

Oh Talkative, you make me happy! There’s just a lot of honesty in this piece and I think you’ve done such a great job capturing how complicated and painful Jim’s and Pam’s history has been for both of them.

I really like that you can show Jim and Pam, each, as flawed individuals - neither is really better than the other when it comes to their past. I like when Pam says to Jim:
____
"I just -" she pauses, regroups, "watching you with Karen made me angry sometimes." She lets her arms hang at her sides. I'm standing a foot or two behind her, wanting to touch her. "Okay, this is really awful, but I was pissed off at you because I thought you were using Karen to, like, hide from me? And I thought that was really mean. I didn't get why you couldn't be honest." She turns, sits down, and looks up at me.
____

As I read this, I was thinking “um, pot calling kettle black?” But, that’s so right on about what happens in a real relationship - we get caught up in our own perspective of things, and often, it’s hard to stop and watch what we’ve been doing. And I can totally relate - a lot of times when I fight/argue with my husband, I’ll be so caught up in my anger about something he’s done, and he’ll bring something up that I have done that isn’t any better, and it almost always stops me in my tracks. (I’m not sure, but I hope this makes sense)

I also really loved this:
_____
I don't -" she cuts herself off and sits silently for a moment. I wait. "I guess there's no point in wondering, is there? This is how it happened."
"It is." But I disagree. If there's no point in wondering, I've wasted countless hours of my life. But that's my problem, not hers, and it illustrates one of the ways in which we're very, very different people, one of the ways in which I hope we'll annoy the hell out of each other for the rest of our lives.
______

I love that realization that he has. I think Pam is just more of a pragmatist - which is why she was able to let Jim go off to NY at the end of S3 without more and why she could say “we’ll always be friends” in her talking head. It isn’t that she loved him less - it’s just that she is somehow able to let go. And Jim, I think, is just more of the romantic. And maybe that is okay and in order to move forward they have to just accept that about each other.

Finally, I really loved this "And, in our own stupid, emotionally stunted way, we did manage to give you some time. A whole year."

Also loved the twist that it was Karen’s false alarm that got them talking.

And I could go on and on - there is so much to love about this. Their banter and intimacy with each other is just captured perfectly.

So great! Thank you, thank you for writing this!

Author's Response: You know, zee, the more I worked on this, the more I realized that there wasn\'t a huge difference between the basics of how Pam and Jim behaved in S2/S3. Pam kidded herself with Roy, Jim kidded himself with Karen, they both did a lot of lying (or at least omitting), and they didn\'t speak up when they should/could have. I\'m glad that this line of thinking came through in my story. Also, I think Pam could let Jim go more easily because, well, she\'s more comfortable with disappointment than he is. I also think she\'s better at talking herself out of things. I think that\'s actually a really important part of her character and something that she\'s working on getting past. Thank you so much for your wonderful, thorough review!

Callisto:

 I've been meaning to review your last chapter (which I will soon), but since you've already posted this one, I'll just say that this was really nice and I think it makes for a very satisfying end to this series.  The concept of "coming home" is so perfect in terms of their relationship.

Thanks so much for writing and sharing this with us.  I hope that you'll still be able to find time to write some more.

Good luck with grad school!