Just a guy with Jim and Pam on the brain, trying to get the song out of his head by singing it.
Jim makes a wish and it goes terribly for him.
Set during Moroccan Christmas (Season 5)
Submitted for the 2021 Secret Santa Fic Exchange!
1 The Michael dialogue here is absolutely terrific. Really funny, very canon-adjacent humor. And Dwight immediately selling Jim out is a nice touch. Probably should've seen that coming too, Jim.
1 Ah, Pam. Sometimes if you want something done right, you've just got to do it yourself I suppose. Rough night for Katy in this one... it always seems to be, doesn't it? I expect she'll steer pretty well clear of Dunder Mifflin from here on in.
1 And a VERY cute moment to end this on! Well done! And glad to see you posting again...
1 Huh. You know, I *do* think I know whose recipe this is.
So you're saying instead of just one chapter... we're getting EIGHT crazy nights? Or at least four? VERY much in the spirit of the holiday.
Okay, some stuff I love about this starts with the building off of the Randall scandal, because you know what? Almost certainly also true of canon Randall. And Jim's casual use of Yiddish in his internal monologue is all too real.
The early hints of holiday episodes yet to come are fun, and I am now badly resentful we never got a Dia De Los Muertos episode of The Office.
That was a VERY canon-quality reference to Dwight's Nazi grandpa. (Because Dwight has a Nazi grandpa.) Also, very much canon-quality cringe in this meeting. I was mildly pleased The Office never acknowledged any of its characters were Jewish for a second there.
Presenting the food of Hannukah is both very Jim and Pam slackerish AND very appropriate for their presentation. Kudos.
Your research has paid off! Very good stuff so far. And I am enjoying the heck out of it.
What are memories but a collection of artifacts; an accumulation of seemingly unrelated tangible objects, lingering indications of something in the past that tie us inexplicably to the present.
Secret Santa 2021 submission
1 The second I read "holiday fics are clearly not my strength" I knew this was going to be brilliant. And then you open with a poetic meditation on the nature of memories. Amazing.
JAM BABY #3! And genuinely, how dare you pair the sentences "the origin story of his existence as it all began and ended with her" and her gift ending up in a lacy pile on their bedroom floor. That is simply rude.
I appreciate you giving us this reminder that Season 9 is all going to work out fine and Pam is going to know she's the center of his universe again before you remind us there was a time when she felt like she never would be. And I'm glad you mostly followed the Dwight Christmas pattern of ending things on a hopeful note for them.
The skating is incredibly cute, their first Christmas is pretty magical, and Jim having actually gotten her something we don't see him giving her for Benihana Christmas is instant headcanon.
Adding the adorable and tense moments in their early years was great - some really vivid pictures you painted here. And I thought the structure ended up coming together well... so many memories here end up being in conversation with each other, and you can see the way Christmas has always been a particularly special time for them.
THAT RIBBON. You slay me.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours. (And by the way, my mom just finished The Interestings and wanted me to tell you she loved it.)
Author's Response: DJC you are always far more generous than I deserve with your reviews, truly. Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you had a fabulous New Years!
1 I have very much accepted the general fanon that Pam is a huge Christmas person and that her first Christmas with Jim is the first time she's really been able to indulge it, and it is adorable the way it plays out here.
The stargazing is just ridiculously romantic, and the successful mutual seductions are a lot of fun. Jim literally ends up being the gift under (or tied to) her tree!
Fargo as a Christmas movie is a nice touch. The Coen brothers are well worth marathon-ing.
Nice job with this one! Great to see you writing again...
Author's Response:
Thanks so much Joe, and good to be writing again. Working on something a bit more angsty at the moment too. I hadn't thought of Jim as the gift itself but that is a great simile (or metaphor... or analogy... trying to decide which fits better. I googled it, still can't decide.)
We love a bit of Coen Bros in our house.
Pam lost herself. Her cheeks long drained of colour. Blank canvases lie beneath winter coats in the guest bedroom closet. Free fall.. Until her heart begins to thaw between familiar palms.
1 Ooooh, I liked this intro a lot. Very good details, very effective building of the hyper-aware, hyper-stressful environment she’s living in. Looking forward to seeing where you go with it!
Author's Response: Thank you!
1 Ha! That's a heck of an MTT debut. I always love a nice exploration of the insecurities that Pam's relationship with Roy would have created in Jim, and this was a fun way to dig into that - Roy exploiting it and then showing some small evolution, Roy turning out to be lousy in bed. You can also really see Jim talking himself into some crazy things at this point in canon, when he's separated from Pam and struggling with it.
Congrats on your first story on the archive! Hope to see more from you soon.
Author's Response: They had to be punished for their mistakes. Thank’s for your wonderful comment!
(Also, you might want to change the tags on this - Jim/Other is usually what we use to suggest a relationship between Jim and a character other than Pam. This story is really Jim/Pam, Jim, Roy.)
Author's Response: Thanks!
1 YAY. I remember reading this on A03, really happy you brought it over!
This is just really well written, and also a really good glimpse at the slow process of Pam realizing her feelings, step by step, painfully, slowly, fighting her instincts and her comfort zone all the way. The choice to have it be kind of a small thing that pushes her over the top is strong, I think - because she's right, there's nothing terrible about Roy, she's just not living the life she wants there. Same thing with the development of her relationship with Jim. This feels like how things would have happened if they were real people rather than sitcom characters who need big moments to happen for finales.
"She also suspects that, after so long, he didn’t know how to stop waiting and finally start." This feels like it has a certain amount of explanatory power for Season 3, too.
Them getting Dwight the little bear is too cute.
Welcome to MTT! We don't want no scrubs here, but we're happy to have you.
1 YAY IT'S HERE.
Okay, I really like the start to this. You've given Cupid a very distinctive voice and a very vivid image here, and this is a fun way to reimagine the character as something of a world-weary sophisticate frustrated with the foibles of us mere mortals.
His rivalry with Eros was a nice touch... as was the reference to Pam's beauty in ordinary things line. But I think my favorite bit is that it turns out that Michael's malaprop with Cupid's sparrow is actually more accurate than our standard version of how Cupid works. Another accidental Michael moment of wisdom! (The description of why it's a "sparrow" is terrific, too.)
Looking forward to the rest of the ride!
1 This story about how Stacy and Kevin met is perfect, and really effective embraces the ways in which Kevin is basically a big kid. A big, creepy kid. Stacy's a trooper, really.
Working in Lynn's bacon breakfast as a "sparrow" is a really good connection between semi-canon and concept, too.
1 I appreciate you embracing the full darkness of Meredith as a serious character here. Although also: ow?
Continue to really like the tone from Cupid here too!
1 Okay, HIGHLY intrigued by the idea that the STATE senator debacle is in part due to Cupid's interference, and I am now looking forward to Angela's chapter even more.
Lines I loved here:
"Yes, I have seen the movie Ghost. No, it was not like that." - I just love the tone here. This is a Cupid who has seen it all.
"Oscar's brother responded with one word: "Duh."" HA.
I think this is a nice way to capture how we all feel about Phyllis and Bob Vance (Vance Refrigeration). A beautiful thing you just... don't want to look at anymore.
1 Teri, Cynthia and Lydia forming a book club together is EVERYTHING. As is Teri being misled by Stanley actually apologizing because he knew he was wrong.
"Florida was Stanley's true love all along." 100% correct.
The idea that Ryan and Kelly are the result of a cosmic error is amazing. "Don't drink and matchmake" indeed. And I love Cupid being stuck on Ryan going blonde.
Ooooof. The idea that pre-full Mindy Kelly is *also* acting the way she does to make a guy happy stings. Poor Cupid. You know, he's really not having a whole lot of luck with this crowd...
This is a good insight into Andy - the combination of entitlement and insecurity is bound to have unpleasant results.
"Life or a few too many rit-dit-dit-di-doos got in the way" is going on Andy's tombstone.
Cupid giving Angela a push explains a *lot* of Season 4, really.
I love the running gag of Cupid blaming Eros for the bad matches!
First off - is it *really* heaven if you can't get the equivalent of a Blizzard?
I love the Pastor Davis relationship here, because it makes so much sense that the person to lead Angela astray would be someone from the church. "Let's just say you probably don't want to sit in any of the back four pews of that church" - what is with her and semi-public spaces?
"I think you would make an excellent regional manager." This is a sext.
"He was about to ruin one of my favorite pairings, and with Dairy Queen on the line!" I feel this so hard.
This is such a fun Cupid voice in general, and it really shines through in this chapter - between the Dairy Queen and him being bitter with Dwight and his specific rules of Cupid-ing, he's just great here.
"A boar sees a sow, a boar breeds with a sow, and the Schrutes are able to continue having bacon on the breakfast table." This is a sext, Dwight style. I love the Schrute family/Dwight backstory here, along with the documented growth of Dwight's, uh, skillset. #DwightIsGoodInBedIsCanon
Love and Cupid playing no part in the on-paper-high-quality relationship between Dwight and Esther is a strong choice, I think. And I'm intrigued by the idea that Jim might well have served the sparrow's purpose here.
Also. Write the Mose chapter.
Awww. He very much is a well-intentioned dummy.
This is an interesting take on Michael's family life - I always assumed his issues with Jeff were mainly on him, sort of reminiscent of his relationship with Toby, but it would actually make quite a bit of sense if his primary male role model genuinely sucked.
The running gag of Cupid's enjoyment of food from chain restaurants is great.
"Jan once said that if she dated Michael publicly, one of the downsides would be collapsing on herself like a dying star. Well, welcome to the collapse. Keep your arms and legs inside the ride." LOL.
"Dundie and TV trump boob job." I want that on a t-shirt.
This depiction of Michael's relationship with Holly and how he was able to be more patient *because* it was real is lovely, friendo.
P.S. I know it's not in the plans, but I would very much enjoy a bonus Jan chapter.
First, I'm glad to see my exact headcanon about Jim's romantic past reflected here.
Second, that Jim and Pam were sparrow-free, essentially their own creation just naturally drawn together by being THEM was a really nice touch.
Third, "the heart can be merciless." So you can you, WW. So can you.
Fourth, "I can't feel physical pain, but if I could...oof." Me too, Cupid. Me too.
Fifth, Katy being a semi-deliberate plan of Cupid's? Love it.
Sixth, "you can't completely bisect a cord that's as tightly woven as the one the two of them had crafted." EEEP.
Seventh, "How she didn't realize his feelings right then and there will forever baffle me." Me too, Cupid. Me too.
Eighth, "He wouldn't have to pretend he liked jelly beans"? TWIST.
Ninth: CASINO NIGHT WAS CUPID'S FAULT?
Tenth: "You can imagine that when working alongside the all-powerful, you don't really want to piss anyone off." Too. True.
Eleventh: "I had never wished that I could go get a beer with someone more than I did in that moment." OW.
Twelfth, while it would be nice to be able to lay Karen off on Cupid, glad to see he learned his lesson.
Thirteenth, I love this take on The Job.
Fourteenth, the umbrella being a sparrow makes SO MUCH SENSE.
Fifteenth, heart eyes.
"But every once in a while I come across someone really special. Like Betty White." AWWWWWW. Also, sadface. Also, *Creed quote*.
Ooooof. Roy literally not knowing who she was when they met stings. But I think this meeting makes a lot of sense - they're able to see each other differently when they're in a different context.
As noted, Pam just kind of drifting into things with Roy without really noticing makes a lot of sense to me. And another ouch with Pam literally giving up art school for Roy. I know it all ends well, but jeez.
"Man, I wanted to send so many sparrows. Freakin' moral compass or whatever…" HA.
This is *also* I think a quite accurate tour through the psyche of Pam Beesly in her denial era.
ROY. GETTING. TOBY'S. SPARROW. Toby gets zero breaks. Ever.
"(Platonically, of course. I'm not into mortals.)" LOL.
"They really should name that parking lot after them." SO. TRUE. Get on it, Dwight.
IN CONCLUSION: I'm really glad you decided to take this on. A very worthy experiment in style and voice, and a very entertaining trip both through Dunder Mifflin history and through a new take on Cupid. Well done!!!