Talk to me, Tivo: After Michael suggests a game of Yankee Swap with the Secret Santa gifts, everyone fights over Michael’s gift to Ryan, bringing morale to an all-time low.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]
Jam Cam: It’s the most wonderful time of the year! So wonderful, in fact, that Jim got Pam for Secret Santa. He bought her a teapot that he knows she wants because he pays attention to her. As an added bonus, there’s some hot sauce packets, his really cute [but dorky] high school picture, and a card “because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.” Awwww.
So while Jim is packing up with box with a card that tells Pam…something, Pam has to tell Michael there can’t be any liquor at the party. Then she feels like passively aggressively helping Angela set up for the party.
But who needs parties when you have Secret Santa! Michael asks Jim if he got a good gift this year for his secret crush…I mean, Santa. Jim thinks he did a pretty good job despite the $20 limit and we may agree but it depends on what we find out he wrote in the card. Michael, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to get the whole “secret” part of Secret Santa, which sort of ruins it for Jim before it even begins.
It’s present time! Creed is proud to announce that Jim’s present is from him. Jim is proud to show off the shirt from Creed’s closet that isn’t even going to come close to fitting. Pam looks genuinely happy when she opens her teapot and thanks Santa, whoever that is. We know! Jim tries to explain there is more to the gi…oh nevermind. We have to go quick with these presents. Moving on! Now!
After Michael gets Ryan a video iPod and gets only a knit oven mitt, he freaks out and officially declares Yankee Swap in order to get rid of his “gift.” Jim calls it Nasty Christmas, Pam [like my family] calls it White Elephant. Either way, someone is ending up with a fruitcake. Oh wait…that was me last year. Someone will end with an oven mitt.
Meredith is up first and she takes the teapot. Jim looks crestfallen — he specifically bought that for Pam after all. “Yaaaankeee Swap! That’s what makes it fun,” Michael declares. Jim does not look like he’s having fun. At all. Empty-handed Pam grabs the iPod of Michael’s love from Ryan. Ick. Pam looks a little giddy about her lot in life, Jim looks dejected. First, he gets a crap gift from Creed, then the present he literally put his heart and soul into has landed somewhere in the Yankee Swap black hole and Pam looking more excited about the iPod she swapped for.
One last round, one last chance to make things better. Pam takes the iPod, again to the disappointment of Jim. “Sure you don’t want to the teapot?” he begs. But yeah, yeah, take the iPod, it’s ok. Besides, it won’t be so bad because Oscar has the teapot. Oh crap, nevermind. Dwight, of all people, has the teapot and a little part of Jim dies inside. “You gotta be kidding me,” Jim mutters. Nope, Dwight has the teapot and he’ll probably use it for something other than tea like his paintballs or something. Sorry, Jim.
Nope, I was wrong. Dwight is going to stick the teapot up his nose to clear his sinuses when he gets sick. Can this get any worse? Well, it could for Pam. Seems her little ploy to get the iPod means Roy doesn’t have to get it for her for Christmas anymore so he can hop to the mall for a sweater or something. Pam needs some booze, Jim needs some booze, and luckily Santa Booze shows up in the form of Michael with a case — yes, a case — of vodka.
Pam needs that iPod of hers to block out Roy’s yap yap yapping about fantasy football. And then she sees it — her teapot. In the hands of Dwight. Ick. It’s like she’s stuck between two evils.
While everyone else is getting a little crazy, Pam’s sitting at her desk when Jim comes over to remind her she doesn’t need to answer phones during the Christmas party. “I was just checking out my present,” she says, putting the teapot on the counter. Oh my God! She got her teapot back! The teapot Jim bought her! Squee! She traded with Dwight because Jim went through all that trouble. Oh, and as an afterthought, Roy got her iPod or was going to get her one or something. Who cares? She has the teapot with the bonus gifts and the card that Jim wrote just for her. Bonus gifts? Jim looks excited to tell her that and Pam looks excited to see them. A Boggle timer, a yearbook picture! “Yeah, I think I made the right choice,” Pam muses. Wait until she read the card because that’s going to make her choice even better. Jim picks up the card from Pam’s desk and….wha? Is he putting it in his pocket? Dammit, Jim! How is Pam going to know what it says if it’s in your pocket? How are we supposed to know? You frustrate us in so many ways, Halpert, so many ways. Thanks for nothing.
The Others: It’s Christmas party time, but Michael seems to be the only one in the spirit since he’s the only one that got a bonus. After giving his boyfriend Ryan an iPod during Secret Santa, he gets an oven mitt from Phyllis and freaks out. Yankee swap! The weather outside is getting frightful and so is the babies playing jazz poster Toby bought for Angela while Kelly’s name plate goes to Ryan. Interesting. The whole incident drains any kind of holiday cheer from everyone so to make up for it, Michael gets lots of booze and everyone has a gay old time. Packer shows up with mistletoe in his belt — ick — but it looks like Dwight may be the only one getting a kiss. This, of course, is the last straw for Angela. Her party planning was a bust and her crush got a kiss from someone else so of course she freaks out in the parking lot and breaks a bunch of ornaments. Meredith freaks out inside and shows Michael her tits, and then everyone has a fun little snowball fight in the middle of California…I mean, Scranton. Merry friggin’ Christmas!
What have we learned today, kids: Who cares about the money you spent? It’s the thought that counts. Anyone can just go buy a sweater at the mall, but it’s the special ones that buy you a teapot, which is just what you wanted, filled with all the little jokes you shared over the years. Although it is a little strange he didn’t get you a card, too.
– written by Jenny
Quotes
Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants so she can make tea at her desk. But I’m also going to stuff it with some inside jokes — like this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party and it really makes her laugh. I’m not sure why. Um, what else? Oh, this is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple of years ago because she thought it was ketchup and it was really funny so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won’t. And this is a card because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.
Dwight: Pam.
Pam: Oh my God! [shows off the teapot] Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are. It’s awesome! Jim: There’s a little more to it.
Dwight: Alright, next! Ryan.
Michael: Ok, Meredith is up first. Here’s the deal. You can either pick a new gift or you can steal somebody else’s gift they’ve already gotten like the oven mitt.
Meredith: I’ll take the teapot.
Jim: Oh, shouldn’t we…I bought that specifically for Pam.
Michael: Yaaankee Swap. That’s what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
Pam: I’ll take the iPod.
Dwight: Pam, steal something or pick the final gift.
Pam: I want the iPod.
Kelly: Dammit.
Jim: Sure you don’t want the teapot?
Pam: I mean, it’s an iPod.
Jim: Right.
Pam: Sorry.
Jim: No no, definitely.
Kelly: Ok, well, I guess I’ll take that book of short stories.
Dwight: Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. Gracias.
Jim: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Jim: I bought this teapot for Pam and I know she really wants it, so can I trade you for it?
Dwight: No trades.
Jim: Come on, it’s a shamrock keychain. Good luck.
Dwight: “A real man makes his own luck.” Billy Zane, Titanic.
Jim: Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
Dwight: No, I want it. I’m going to use it.
Jim: You don’t even drink tea.
Dwight: True, but I get sinus infections and sinus infections can be cured by making tea from green tea leaf stems and pouring it directly into your nose like so. [Dwight sticks the teapot in his nose.]
Jim: To think that my gift to Pam will be used for that — it’s a little too much to handle.
Roy: This is awesome.
Pam: I know! It’s totally going to change the way I work out.
Roy: Yeah, and I was going to get you one of these for Christmas. Now I don’t have to. I’m gonna save a ton of money.
Pam: So what are you going to get me instead?
Roy: I don’t know. Probably like a sweater or something.
Jim: You know, you don’t have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
Pam: No, I was just, um, checking out my present. [Pam pulls out her teapot.]
Jim: But…
Pam: I traded with Dwight. I just�I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and that means a lot and also Roy got me an iPod or, um, was going to get me an iPod, so…
Jim: Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
Pam: Oh my God! The yearbook picture!
Pam: Yeah, I think I made the right choice. [Holds her teapot up for the camera.]
Pam: Oh my God, this is incredible! Is this the Boggle timer?
[Jim grabs the card he put in the box and puts it in his pants pocket.]
Jim: I didn’t think you were going to get that one. I really didn’t know.
