I think you've done a really fabulous job with this -- I love the parallels you drawn between Jan and Pam, and considering how short this is, it's really rich and full and, frankly, impressive.  Lots and lots of fabulous lines, like she only nods, lips curling and this is where regret ends and it's a nice secret and she swirls it in her mouth in the break room, because leaving is final and she can take that chance (once).

Really, really nice job.  This is definitely different from a lot of things I've seen/read, but it a really great way.  I enjoyed this so much.