9 [Report This]Date: September 06, 2007 03:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love the writing in this, and the points of view of each member of the family were fascinating.
what it felt like to be attached to loss, while not really losing anything
I also love David flirting mildly with his students--a foreshadowing of his youngest son's charm?
One thing; it appears that Larissa is not Jewish (she "respects her husband's family" -- not her own -- by giving the children Hebrew middle names, and apparently celebrates Christmas?). Unless she converts, her children are not Jewish under the laws observed by Conservative Jews (which you say David is). Hence Oliver would not have had the "right" to a birthright trip to Israel and might have been denied this (it happens today--complex issue). It's not a major flaw, just a point you might want to consider if you pursue this idea of Jim's family being Jewish.
I loved Jim having a gay brother. And I would LOVE to read a story where Jim visits him in San Francisco! That would be wonderful to read. I loved the image of Ben eating rose petals, and Tate writing a long dirty joke on Jim's leg cast (ooo! good one!), and Tate telling everyone in great detail about her period (that is so Jim of her somehow). And this line was both painful and funny, in a very good way:
Jim did not like secrets.
Yeah, he keeps them well, but there's no reason to think he likes them. Well done! I enjoyed reading this. I look forward to reading more, if you choose to continue.
Author's Response: i'm glad you enjoyed this - thanks for your feedback! i think i'm using this not as a starting point for more fic but as background for writing as i go forward. although if i want to rewrite his parents, i'll probably do that at the drop of a hat.rnas for the whole birthright trip: i sent oliver to israel :) in an effort to bring the story full circle. birthright trips, according to the website, are available for those who are jewish (and there's not really a lot of explanation of what that entails). i am seeing oliver being interested in such a past and history, because obviously jim is not connected to that. oliver wants to reclaim that part of his... family tree. ugh. over the line. too cheesey :) i do appreciate your thoughts, though.
Date: August 17, 2007 12:00 am Title: Chapter 1
WOW! It's gorgeous. I love it a LOT! *favourited*
Author's Response: Aw - favourited! Love it - and love the British spelling. Thank you for your feedback.
Date: August 16, 2007 08:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
Ok, I don't know why this doesn't have way more reviews, because it is all that is awesome and I love it. Original take on the Jimster and his famiglia and it's just plain interesting. Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you - that is very kind. Feel free to recommend it! Thanks for the feedback!
Date: August 16, 2007 01:14 pm Title: Chapter 1
That was really interesting. I loved reading those short snapshots into the characters that make up the family. Good job!
Only think I would suggest is add a warning for adult language also. Doesn't really bother me, but, it should have a warning.
Good job though!
Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback! Under your advice - I will definitely add that. You know, I looked it over one more time, and was struck by one of the words I used (or a few!). Thanks!
10 [Report This]Date: August 16, 2007 12:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh, this is a wonderful and very original background for Jim and the Halperts. I especially love Oliver's last paragraph. Thank you for thinking this up and sharing with us!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! While I was writing this, I read an interview with Mindy (I think), who said that Greg Daniels doesn't really have a backstory for anyone - because it's better to release that information as the stories progress. For me personally - I like a dynasty :) Thanks again for your feedback!
Date: August 16, 2007 12:14 pm Title: Chapter 1
You put tons of thought into this. Well done, definitely enjoyable.
Author's Response: Oh - thank you!
Date: August 16, 2007 12:12 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is really interesting, Emilys List. For your next story, you may want to get a beta, because there were a few typos/errors, but the story itself is really good.
It's a really good idea for a story, and you did it well.
I like how Oliver thought there was a sick joke going on. I wondered, though, how Oliver would go to Israel when he was 19, but not have had a bar mitzvah. If one's "Jewish enough" to take a birthright trip, one would certainly have been bar or bat mitzvahed, I would think. I'm no expert on that, though!
I look forward to seeing more from you.
Author's Response: I appreciate your feedback! Yes - I would love to have a beta. I find, when entering a new fandom, it can be difficult to find folks to beta... so I'm hoping to get to know people better. rnYes, the whole birthright trip thing. I did my homework on this, and it's definitely vague. On the website, it says that the trip is open to all "Jewish young adults" and goes on to say regardless of religious affiliation. I can't help but take this to mean that it's open to people with a heritage of Jewish culture. I figured that Pam and Jim would try to make an effort to instill religion, but that it wouldn't last; I find with many multifaith families, it's hard to make everything mesh. So, Oliver gets a bris, and that's it :) I think he goes to Israel because he is lacking that spirituality that he never had - and I wanted to bring everything full circle with this grandfather... Wow this is the longest answer to a non-question. Ever.rnThanks for your feedback! I have about 5 fics in the pipeline, it's all a matter of what I can get done in a day. Look out for more in the near future!