Date: February 24, 2008 07:07 am Title: Don't think.
After seeing both chapters, definitely feel this one fits better. I was so surprised how you could create two completely different chapters! I feel the first chapter was too sudden? I don't know if that's the right word, but I like the gradual-ness of this one.
Date: February 23, 2008 11:20 pm Title: Don't worry.
Wow! So, I read the first version of this chapter and wanted to let it settle in a bit before leaving a review and then I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up and came back to it to find...a whole new chapter?! Not just a reworked paragraph or two, but a whole new chapter. Now I'm jealous, because I wasn't asleep that long and this is what you can do in the time it takes me to nap on the couch? That's just nuts.
With some stories, I find myself skimming over narrative and inner monologue stuff to get to dialogue, but never with this, because then I'd miss stuff like:
She wanted badly to know that the ocean was in front of her and all it would take to be on the other side of the world was a well-tied knot of blind determination.
In fact, the whole pond-ocean metaphor was just beautiful and I loved this:
Pam wanted to snap her fingers and see if it would rain.
She already knew she could make it storm.
I love how Jim feels comfortable to her, "like white t-shirts and jeans and 1950." Man, that is so...right. I definitely like this new chapter better - the old one was just fine - but this feels more like the rest of the story and I love that Jim tells her to just watch the game even though he's probably dying to know what she's thinking.
You deserve every word of every review and if this one helps drag more words like these out of you, I'll be thrilled!
Date: February 23, 2008 11:18 pm Title: Don't worry.
I don't think I saw the first version, but I certainly enjoyed this one. Even though I find myself frustrated with Pam for not just TELLING Jim, for the love of God...I get it. This is a really great story.
10 [Report This]Date: February 23, 2008 10:09 pm Title: Don't worry.
Well, two chapters for the price of one I guess. Kind of like we got to see a deleted scene. Not sure which I prefer. This story is vintage Stablergirl stuff, really evocative and dramatic and interesting. I'm very invested.
Author's Response: haha a deleted scene. I thought this version was older, I guess, more relaxed and refined. Who knows, you can never really pick one over another, really, they're just different. Anyway glad this has you invested, because I wasn't sure you'd be into this one and lord knows I die over a "vintage" stamp from brokenloon ;-) Thanks.
Date: February 23, 2008 10:09 pm Title: Don't worry.
I didn't review on the other one, but this feels better with me too. It seems to ease them both into a place where Pam can finally be comfortable in herself instead of the rush of the previous version.
I feel like there are so many good directions the story can go from here and I'm excited to see where you take it.
Author's Response: Yes thank you for that. I so agree that this chapter is much more comfortable and much less rushed. I think it's just easier on the reader. Glad you liked the change ;-) Hopefully the direction this heads in will work for you.
Date: February 23, 2008 09:55 pm Title: Don't worry.
Wow great symbolism! I love this line:
"She looked down at the place where he was touching her and she felt her brow twitch in fascination. She wondered how he could do that...have the ocean in him."
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: yes I love that line too. Thanks for reviewing this!! I seriously appreciate it.
10 [Report This]Date: February 20, 2008 08:00 am Title: Don't move.
Wow, this is so good! I can't wait for more!
Date: February 19, 2008 03:13 am Title: Don't move.
I really liked this chapter. I like the intelligence that Jim brought to the situation. Very good!
Date: February 18, 2008 10:44 pm Title: Don't move.
OMGoodness. About halfway through I was struck again by how freaking GOOD this really is. The Jim Halpert you've made here, is all kinds of smart. Not that Jim Halpert isn't smart, but I think you've given him a depth here that hasn't yet been fully realized on the show. I am enjoying this so very much. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Date: February 18, 2008 10:24 pm Title: Don't speak.
I am, in turns angry with and sad for Pam. She is so achingly sad, but how she's hurting Jim at the same time. UGH, the paragraph where Jim talks about "someday" he would make her forget that this was how they started...so, so beautiful. I really hope that's true. Great work here.
Date: February 18, 2008 10:12 pm Title: Don't think.
WOW. You have completely and totally sucked me in. I've never thought about the "what if" of this idea, but I'm certainly glad you did. Pam's fear that Jim could tell and that he would be proved right...wow. Here I go to the next chapter -- loving that I was late to the party here so I have more chapters to read. ;-)
Date: February 18, 2008 08:28 pm Title: Don't move.
Holy smokes, Stablergirl, this is soooo freaking good. I love this: he’d been angry because of the way that she’d robbed him of his flowers and his chocolate hearts and his hotel room in Hawaii…he’d been angry because of the way that she‘d gone running from her pedestal and landed hard on the ground at his feet.
Guh. Don't steal Jim's romantic notions of how he's going to sweep Pam off her feet. I love this guy even more, now, how is that possible?
Take whatever time you need to regroup. This is so beautifully written, Pam's craziness and self-inflicted anger, Jim's dedication to bringing back the 'real Pam'.
Date: February 18, 2008 07:49 pm Title: Don't move.
I think you're doing juuuuust fine! Get that shit together QUICK, girl! I'll be sitting here waiting...eating cookies...maybe watching Food Network...hey--maybe I'll even get some work done! That's a novel idea!
10 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 06:58 pm Title: Don't speak.
I just love your writing. This is so great:
He’d wanted to protect her and breathe her in and hand over to her all the promises he’d ever made to anyone. He’d wanted to love her. Really love her, with passion and friendship and laughter and hope.
And instead he had this.
Date: February 18, 2008 06:43 pm Title: Don't move.
If by whirlwind, you mean the sudden realizations that Jim is experiencing, then yes, I feel it and I approve heartily. I loved so many lines in this chapter, but these ones especially:
On Saturday he thought life was messy and definitions weren’t always true and maybe friends and fiancées could be demoted and promoted silently in a woman’s mind. Maybe this was more about him than he thought and maybe this was more about her than he’d realized.
I also like the fact that Jim realizes he's approaching the situation from the wrong angle, that he's not being used so much, as being grabbed onto as a life preserver.
Take your time. You're doing a marvelous job.
Date: February 18, 2008 06:38 pm Title: Don't think.
This story is so amazing because I loooove the angst-y stories and the dark nature. And it's so deep!
Date: February 18, 2008 06:01 pm Title: Don't move.
Whoo! Yay Jim! I'm really starting to feel this one now. Not so patiently waiting for the next update!
10 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 05:56 pm Title: Don't think.
every single chapter is hitting me in the grief bone! wow! keep up the great work!
Date: February 18, 2008 05:54 pm Title: Don't move.
Wow.
I love Jim. (duh) But I really love this Jim.
10 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 05:22 pm Title: Don't move.
...because some prisons were built and locked by the prisoner and not the guard...
Fucking amazing.
Date: February 18, 2008 04:22 pm Title: Don't move.
What do you mean? It's perfect and it's beautiful. Here, look at these two passages:
Sometimes late at night he would swear to the ceiling in his bedroom that if she had a battle that needed to be fought he would fight it for her.
I love reading little bits of private, yearning, dreaming Jim. This really drove home how hard it must have been for him to shake that off every morning when he'd go into work.
Not everything was black and white, or black and blue, because some prisons were built and locked by the prisoner and not the guard, and some wounds were invisible.
So gorgeously profound. So true for Pam, but true for Jim, too.
You've written some wonderful stories, but this one is something else entirely. Please stop worrying and just keep going!
10 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 04:10 pm Title: Don't move.
Everyone all at once now--AWWW. Little league? For real? Seriously cute, without being cloyingly so. I love the insight into Jim's thoughts on all of this, his twisting things in his mind to make a bizarre situation palatable. Lovely. Regroup fast, I can't wait for more.
10 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 03:38 pm Title: Don't move.
"On Saturday, he thought maybe Do you think I’m beautiful? was really Please think I’m beautiful, was really Tell me who I am without the things I’ve been."
holy moly this line was absolutely gorgeous. this whole thing is really, i am really really into it and cant wait to see where it ends up.
10 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 03:28 pm Title: Don't think.
I'm really enjoying this story and I'm not s big fan of angust. I can't wait to see how Jim helps Pam comes to terms with how her life has turned out and hopefully helps her find the strength to leave Roy and be with Jim. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
9 [Report This]Date: February 18, 2008 11:27 am Title: Don't think.
I'm really enjoying your story -- your writing has nice depth and realism. I like fluff from time to time, but the angst always works better for me. I do want to see how it ends, though! Keep writing!