10 [Report This]Date: April 28, 2010 08:35 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow! I think you write fluff very well. It wasn't mushy, it was sweet. I enjoyed it very much.
Date: July 03, 2009 03:07 pm Title: Chapter 1
There's a lot I like about this story. Excellent characterizations, for one. The charm motif serves as a great parallel. And, of course, a lot of great phrases. A couple that caught my eye:
Karen smiled that close-mouthed smile again, the one that made him nervous because it seemed just an inch predatory or possessive.
He wasn’t aware there was this much sexual tension between them. Did Karen think there was?
She goes behind her desk, almost sauntering – oh wow, that’s for my benefit – Jim’s amazed for about the millionth time, and has to think of Michael’s coffee breath to stop himself from getting very, very hard at his desk, where he can see Dwight in his peripheral vision, for God’s sake.
Nice work. :)
Date: June 04, 2008 07:09 am Title: Chapter 1
This was SO well written!! i just love it- the thought process of Jim as he was with Karen on his living room floor- just brillant! I think you nailed Jim internal struggle wonderfully! Hope to read more from you-Me Likey steamy angst, heh-heh...
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Again, hearing something was well-written is pretty much the best compliment a writer can hear.
Date: June 02, 2008 02:53 pm Title: Chapter 1
I loved, this the progression of charms along the past year. I especially liked this line: A year ago, when he’d just started at Stamford, his dreams were haunted by terrible things, flocks of light blue-purple butterflies and doves, the beating of their wings sounding an awful lot like I can’t. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
8 [Report This]Date: June 01, 2008 11:15 am Title: Chapter 1
In regard to your Chapter End Note - I think you write both equally well. This was honest and real and steamy in all the right places. Really well done. Thank you for sharing.
Author's Response: Thank you! I contemplated cutting it off after the scene in Jim's apartment, but I'm such a sap and need to give people a happy ending........
Date: June 01, 2008 08:05 am Title: Chapter 1
I really love how you took necklaces and charms to construct a story. That worked very well, and it was just a really well-written story. "He’s actually a little impressed with himself" made me giggle because it was unexpected! Great job! :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad I was able to get some humor in there among all the ANGST ANGST ANGST. Hearing something is well-written is the best compliment I think is possible for a writer, so. :)
Date: May 31, 2008 05:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed this! Oh, StamfordJim, you were kind of an ass. This was a neat concept and I think you did a really good job showing how Pam and Karen were so different to Jim. I think this is a perfect explanation for when Jim tells Karen she should think about moving to New York when the branch closes. I really liked how you had him be so surprised she was that into him. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you! That's kind of what I was aiming for, so I'm glad I achieved it. :)
Date: May 31, 2008 02:14 pm Title: Chapter 1
I like how you wove the motif of the charms through this. Also, how vivid you made the awkward tension in that elevator ride and then Jim's painful ambivalence in the scene with Karen on the floor - this is so well put: The only thing Karen’s still wearing is her necklace. She’d daintily removed her watch, even; it was the only thing she’d done gently this entire time. The whale tail dangled in front of his face, almost mocking him.Ouch. Very apt - especially that last line. Nicely done.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. Your stories are gorgeous!
Date: May 31, 2008 01:53 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh wow. I almost didn't read this for the 'K' factor. I would have missed out. Love the charm imagery and how it haunts Jim. Nicely done, bigtunette!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! For a second there, I wondered what the K factor was. :)
Date: May 31, 2008 01:40 pm Title: Chapter 1
I really liked this piece. It is written in a very attractive style. The necklace-motif was creative.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!