10

me likey :o)

Jim started to put down the receiver when she added, "Oh and my back hurts, you make dinner tonight."

Click.

that made me giggle.

7

Wonderfully heartbreaking... the dark side of Jim is captivating!

9

This is too cute. I don't like country music, but I think I have to break that rule for this song. seriously, very cute, very well written!

I think it's nice.  Since you really want constructive criticism, I'll go through with a fine-tooth comb.  I didn't find too much wrong, certainly, and remember, these are my opinions only.

There literally was no way he could love her any more. You want to be really careful with the word "literally".  Love is subjective, and "literally" is such an objective word, so to me, they don't go together.

he always burnt them - I think the past tense verb is "burned" and once you've burned the waffles, they are burnt.  (Burned a verb, burnt an adjective.)  Wouldn't bet my life, but I think that's the case.

But apparently she did it in a "special" way. - This last sentence of this paragraph doesn't fit as well, I think.  It seems like the "voice" of the paragraph is switching from Jim to Pam, but then the "apparently" just seems to not fit.  I know I'm not describing it well, but maybe something like: But he insisted that she did it in a "special" way would work?

As much as I like allusions to pregnancy, you have a lot of them in here.  He thought he should let her sleep, they needed a sandbox (way too early BTW if she hasn't even had the baby!), she hugs him and she's further away.  I would go with something simpler, like specifically saying why she's sleeping later.  Otherwise, it's kind of cutesy and heavy-handed (Have you figured out she's pregnant yet?  Now have you?)

All the way from the penguin joke to the hormones I really like a lot.  It's a typical moment, too, to deliver the waffles or whatever that you've just prepared for the other.  Mr. Kev and I do that all the time. 

Normally, I don't like music lyrics in stories, but yours work beautifully.  I think you've kept them short enough and pertinent as well, which is not the case in many stories.  So, kudos there, to make that look good to me, when I don't usually like it!

I thought it was not very realistic to have Pam home for 5 weeks before she's due, especially since it's clear from Michael she's planning to come back to work. In my experience, women tend to work until there's a valid reason from the doctor to stop, otherwise they aren't likely to get paid for maternity leave.  Even if you end up quitting after, you still get paid for the maternity leave  I know it differs from state to state and company to company, but still...  I digress, but my point is, you may want to say something like "in the last month since the doc signed off on her disability".  (Say it better than that, though, because that's not great.)  Also, unless you have a scheduled C-section, babies are often a couple weeks late.  Few people stop work so early.  

that creeps me out so bad - I would try "that totally creeps me out"; I think it's more Pam-like.  (Again, IMO.)

"I brought dinner." is fine, but it would be cuter/more Jim-like (?) if it were "I made dinner." or "Jim Halpert's Chinese Cuisine" or something with a little more oomph.  (Hey, how's that for specific?)  Other than that, the whole arriving home section is just lovely and sweet.

So, there you go.  Next time, you could say, "let me know of any problems you found... except you, Too Late Kev." and I'll know to shut... it (/Michael). 

WOW. Very interesting and original idea, and powerfully written.

Wow.  Dark but very good.

Ouch! Very dark, but I really liked it!