5

Now you have earned my second review. I love everything this story chooses to be. We all come here for our love of Jam, but I have always had a special place in my heart for Jim.I love that you are giving him happiness, even if it's not with Pam. So many stories have made him sad and pathetic without her. Not to say for one minute that I don't want Jim and Pam to find happily ever after together, but if they don't, let them find it somewhere else.

Author's Response: Yes, justme... if you couldn't tell already, I have a special place in my heart for Jim, too. I love Pam, but I think my heart has always broken for Jim just a bit more. And I hate seeing the sadsack, depressed Jim without Pam all the time. I mean, the guy's a catch! I want him to realize that about himself. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I truly appreciate it!

So, I'll be honest, all this fluff is a little hard to read. It's hard because I don't think we've really gotten closure with respect to Jim and Pam - are you planning on doing a flashback of the break up and last conversation?

One other thing, and I'm not really sure if this I'm being totally rational here (pms-time - little things feel like mountains, you know?), but this last chapter has me irritated by all the comparisons to Pam. I know that it's natural for Jim to compare, but really, does every memory have to be saddled with some disatisfaction or hurt on his part? Reading his thoughts on Pam, I have a hard time understanding what he seemed so joyful about during S4. Is there ever a point where he just has a pure, unburdened happy memory of their relationship? For me, at least, this is making it harder to handle the fluff.

But, if I could get over that, I think that I could really enjoy them. Because objectively, if I never knew about Pam and was reading this, I'd be smitten by the two of them together. You've given them such great chemistry.

Also, one question - how long has it been now since Jim and Pam broke up?

Author's Response: zeebee . . . I was expecting this reaction from people, actually. I knew people wouldn't be happy about Jim being even slightly dissatisfied with Pam (sexually speaking). And I'm not saying that he was dissatisfied, overall. But I've always struggled with the concept of Jim and Pam moving so smoothly from friends to lovers, especially from Pam's point of view. I imagine her being a little unsure, a little shy, maybe feeling a little weird about it all at first. And maybe Jim felt a lot of pressure and I could see their first time (or first few times) being a little awkward. I think we as fans want Jim to be like, "Oh, Pam's timidness is so hot!" But Jim's a guy and he's wanted Pam forever. And if she has any trouble transitioning to that sexual mode with him, I think he could be hurt. I'm not saying they didn't have a good sex life eventually, just that maybe he wanted it to be all hot and crazy at first and it took time. I actually think this is a pretty realistic view of what could have happened (of course, all of us shippers--myself included-- like to picture them all comfortable and sexy together from the get go). And also, I think this story is about Jim looking at what didn't always work in their relationship -- that's part of breaking up. So I don't think he's going to look back at everything as roses and ponies (and neither is Pam, frankly). I wrote a fic once where Pam compares Jim to Roy in her mind (of course, Roy paled by comparison) and someone told me the same thing that you did -- that the comparisons took her out of the story. But I told her the same thing: when you spend a lot of time in a monogamous relationship and then you enter into a new one... I just think the comparisons are going to come.

As for closure and Jim and Pam -- yes, we will get it eventually. I just didn't want to tell the whole break up story before Emily has a chance to hear it. Just ... my own personal preference. In my mind, Jim and Pam broke up in February, so this story would take place about 5 or 6 months later, towards the end of summer.

Anyway, I hope that helps. Remember, Pam will have her turn to remember... Thanks so much for reading, still.

oh wendolf, I just caught up on this story and wowza!  It's great!  Even though it's not Pam, I'm stil liking Emily!  I think this is the best NonPam!Kiss ever ;)  That sentence doesn't make sense... whatever you get it!  Great job so far and can't wait to see more!

Author's Response: Thanks WBJ! Glad you are enjoying. This is a love it or hate it one, so I'm so happy there are some of you out there who are loving it. Thanks for the review!

I just picked up this story today, and I'm so glad I did! You're such an amazing writer, I'm totally invested in this story now! Personally, while the JAM stuff makes me very sad, I'm kind of starting to be a fan of Emily and Jim. Usually I'm very anti anything but Jam in fanfic, but something about the way you're writing Emily makes me want to see more of their relationship. Thanks so much for this and I can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: Thanks nandance. I just really wanted to explore a relationship for Jim that was simple and easy and without all the horrific angst. I still love Pam, but . . . well, this is just a "what if". So glad you're enjoying it, and thanks for reading and reviewing!

The first part of this chapter has me rooting for Emily and Jim. (Would they be "Jem"? That might be a little too much). What makes this first part so powerful is how understanding and compassionate Emily is being to Jim and his predicament. Her video to him was genuis, sincere, and playful. 

This line stood out for me:  Instead we hurt each other with our silence.  It's such an honest realization coming from Jim. We have seen this happen on TO all the time. That is the silent between them that has hurt them the most. Also in real life, in a relationship our failure to speak is much more damaging then speaking the truth. That's why I think their break up is very believable. When two people don't speak up about their fears, wants, insecurities, and hopes there is a break down of communciation which ineveitable is the cause of the relationship. Even though I love Jim and Pam together, I think in this story, you have been respectful to the characters and their relationship.

I think I read somewhere that you are going to give us Pam's view. It will be interesting to compare the two POVs.

I think you're trying to break my heart into a million pieces, Wendolf! And I mean that in the most loving way possible. Honestly though, these last few chapters were so heartbreaking to read. I'm really growing to like Emily a lot, but a part of me is waiting for something to go terribly wrong with her and Jim so Pam can magically reappear and we can all have a nicely packaged, fluffy Jam ending. That being said, I'm starting to like (more than before, I guess) the exploration of "what if" because you've taken the time and detail to explore everyone's view. We've seen Emily's (more objective, perhaps) perspective, and the flashbacks, though overwhelmingly sad, give a glimpse of what Jim was and is feeling. So while I love your writing and I love this new character that you've created in Emily, it's definitely taken some re-adjusting on my narrow-minded Jam part. Anyhow, I'll stop rambling...but I'm interested to see how everything pans out with Jim and Emily, despite my little shipper heart being broken :)

Author's Response: Yeah, I feel kind of bad that Pam's not getting her say in this fic, but I swear I will get to writing about her in another one. Thank you for being open-minded about this-- I know it's really hard to think about this "what if". It'll get happier, I swear.

I am so...I can't even think of a word. That last chapter was AWESOME! I love Emily 50 times more now (and I REALLY liked her before). I love the DVD she made. She's so likeable!

Oh my goodness...I don't even know what else to say.

This last chapter solidifies my position of #1 "Philly Jim" fan.

Can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Yeah, that DVD was clever of her wasn't it? (I swear, she thought of it all by herself!). Glad to hear you're still my #1 fan, malaz!

This is fantastically written, as always....but JAM unhappy ending :( makes me sad. Keep it up, can't always have Rainbows and Ponies.

Author's Response: Thanks for realizing it can't always be rainbows and ponies. But there will be a happy ending, I promise (maybe just not the ending we're used to...) Thanks for reading iwantphillyjim!

Wendolf:
I don't think I'll be jumping ship on this story - even if it is killing me a little. But, seriously, I do appreciate how much care you are putting into this and I can't help it, I just need to know what happens next.

I still do like Emily - I wish I liked her a little less since I'm still upset for Pam. I like that Emily gets that she has to lighten things up a bit before getting Jim to open up. That's something that I don't think Karen got about him. The little bit about the matching underwear was really cute. I love that Karen had a bunch of those. (I like hating Karen)

I'm happy that Jim acknowledged that it would have been hard for Pam to feel like she had to always prove herself. I was thinking about that - at some point, you have to be able to stop saying sorry, you know.

So, I'll read this through the end. But, if you have Pam hook up with Toby or Ryan, I'm not going to forgive you. Kidding...sort of.

Author's Response: Don't worry zeebee -- I'd NEVER have Pam hook up with Ryan or Toby. Never. ;-) Thanks for still reading, even thought it's killing you a little. I'm sorry about that, I really am...

You are STILL kickin' my ass!
And Breaking my Heart!
(But don't stop now...)
How heart wretching is this, these two crazy kids can't get on the same wavelength for 5 minutes and be happy in love?? What a beautiful disaster -----I can't wait for the next chapter.
*sign*

Author's Response: Kicking your ass AND breaking your heart? Cool. ;-) THanks for reading and still reviewing JamFan!

Wow...you just seriously broke my heart with these two chapters. “I’m not sure that’s what love is supposed to feel like.” I have to say, I was not expecting that. My heart just hurts for Pam - like a lot. I know there was a lot of Pam-hating going on, but I have to say, I really never saw Pam as moving away from Jim. It always seemed the opposite to me - Jim not being able to handle Pam’s success - b/c of his inability to make peace with his own life, coupled with his inability to forgive her. To have him question the source of his love for her now - that just depresses me more than anything. Suddenly this doesn’t feel like a “choose your own adventure” type story anymore, but something much more inevitable.
Chapters 10 and 11 were, as always, wonderfully written, but I don’t know. It just hurt too much. I like Emily - I do - but, the part of me that loves Pam just feels so betrayed by this. I can’t imagine how awful this is for Pam - after waiting around for years for her last fiancĂ© to set a date, the man she really loves can’t propose despite having teased her about it for months. That's just got to be a punch to the gut.
I feel so depressed right now.....

Author's Response: Oh, zeebee, don't be sad! I swear, Pam will have a happy ending too (just maybe not spelled out in this fic . . . but hopefully it's coming soon). I swear, I would never leave her permanently unhappy. Here's what I think: by this point of my story I don't believe that Pam is really waiting around for Jim to propose anymore. I think she's okay with waiting because she's enjoying other parts of her life that, until this point, have been sort of ... eh. When she finds the ring she wants to know why Jim has had it for so long and hasn't asked, but I'm not completely sure that she still wants him to ask (just yet). I do think they still love each other (and I do think that Jim really does love Pam -- it's just that his love for her has always had so much control over him. It scares him a little.). Anyway, I know it's hard to read, and feel free to jump ship if it gets too hard. Just know that Pam is not going to be some old cat lady regretting losing Jim for the rest of her life... I'd never let that happen to her!

Sorry I made you so depressed. I promise it will get better!

Jim's doubts, yes... that's what I need to hear for the whole thing to really come together. I think the hardest part about reading a story like this is thinking about the idea that Jim's heart could have changed. I mean, I know this is a fictional story (The Office itself, and also just this fic), but Jim's heart is a pretty consistent character of its own, and it's the last one I want to see take another path. But of course it's possible, and it would probably be one of the most intriguing (and sad!) changes to witness. So, please, tell me all about it.

Author's Response: Oh, I think his heart is consistent -- that might be part of the problem. He hasn't stopped loving Pam, he's just realizing that the love he feels for her (and maybe the way he's held onto the pain of their early years) is a little unhealthy. I'll say it again: if Jim and Pam dealt with some of these issues during season four, this story would never play out like this. I'm just "what if"ing that they didn't. Anyway, thanks so much for your comments!

Wendolf, you're always reinforcing why I list you as one of my favorite authors.  In this instance, you paint such a clear picture of Pam in her new job (chunky jewelry and all) and her desire to succeed, while Jim observes the changes.  Such a great job, in fact, that I really need to decompress with a happy JAM fic whenever I'm done reading one of your updates for fear of getting into a funk. 

I've been wanting to clarify my prior comment to you.  ALL of your fics are so enjoyable to read.  I hope I didn't convey that I thought your earlier fics were in any way lacking, because they're not.  No need for you to cringe for even a second, lady.  

The masochist in me is looking forward to the next update ; ) I hope it is today!