Date: October 18, 2008 05:00 am Title: Chapter 1
I really love everything about this. The descriptions are so vivid and I love the mood throughout the whole piece. I haven't done any traveling in quite a while, but i felt transported here. Lovely!
Author's Response: I know this is a belated response - but thank you! I'm glad you appreciated it.
Date: October 17, 2008 09:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
WOW!! That was so beautiful and well written and researched. It was really great to read since it was a foreign concept. The getting busy outside scene was also pretty hot ;)
Author's Response: Thank you! And honestly, I'll admit I didn't do a ton of research, but I'll accept the compliment. I take a Japanese language class so I know a bit about it, but I was too lazy to research it or Pratt programs extensively. I'm glad you liked it :D
Date: October 16, 2008 09:44 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love this story!Your research really paid off, I think you captured the feeling really well. You internalized how strange it is being alone not only in a large city, but in an entirely different country. I lived overseas for a month, and I can identify with how lost Pam feels in Tokyo.great job!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I appreciate the feedback.
Date: October 16, 2008 07:31 pm Title: Chapter 1
I saw this on LJ and I'm so glad you decided to post it here. I remember that this line struck me when I first read it:
Besides, I know that everyone needs to be alone in a foreign place, at least for a little bit. That’s how you explore yourself.
That is so beautiful, and so absolutely true.
And yay for onsen smut! My, that was hot (no pun intended).
Really wonderful and much deserved of recognition. Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm flattered.
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 07:12 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is really, really, really amazing. And I'm sure everyone who reviewed before me said something much more coherent, but gah. This is incredible. Having spent some time living in Europe totally out of my comfort zone, I completely connected with Pam. The feeling of being alone, but not lonely.
And ah! Jim is so adorable and so understanding, and so Jim. It's great. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you. And I've had that feeling too, so I'm glad I'm not alone :)
Date: October 16, 2008 05:04 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow -- this was fabulous! I quite agree with the ribbon. Your smut was very well done also, which is a lovely plus! I enjoyed thinking about and picturing Japan (love to visit there some day) and what it would be like. In talking to several people who've been there, the only thing I thought was missing was the incredible expense of everything. Sushi dinners with Sake would probably not happen very often on a student's budget...but it was so well done and Pam did herself proud, didn't she?
-Mint
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm not a huge NC-17 writer, so I'm glad you like it. And you're being too kind about the inaccuracies in the story (I'm sure there are thousands), so thank you :)
Date: October 16, 2008 04:14 pm Title: Chapter 1
What a lovely story. I know nothing of Japan, but having moved to a city where I knew no one, I could totally empathize with the feeling of being alone but the peace that comes with getting to be alone in a new place, having to be your own person. There's so much power in that.
I just loved all the little details you put in there because I could really immerse myself in the story. The little quirks and traits of the various people she met there felt so real. That party she attended where she felt so out of place was especially well done.
It still felt like Jim and Pam, but in a different setting. Thank you so much for posting this story! :)
Author's Response: Thank YOU for responding! I'm glad that someone liked it. As a first-timer, I'm truly flattered at all the positive feedback.
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 12:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
I could go totally raving crazy over this but I'm going to try not to so I can put words together.
It's gorgeous and sensual- you've got every sense covered here over and over until I wasn't reading it at all- it was like living it.
Pam and Jim got to see what they were like'not here' both separately and together, and in the same environment- I loved how you got all of those combinations in one cohesive story.
I loved your descriptions of the light- I only spent a few days in Japan on a layover but the contrast between light in night/day and city/mountain.
In total agreement with the reviewer who mentioned you can't give yourself to another person if you don't know who you are.
Love it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 11:40 am Title: Chapter 1
I know that everyone needs to be alone in a foreign place, at least for a little bit. That’s how you explore yourself.
I cannot even begin to describe how much I connected with the Pam you created in your story. I fancy myself to be somewhat Pam-like - sheltered, shy, hesitant, and living mostly for/with a significant other.
I sit on a bench outside and just close my eyes and think about how I’ve been sort lonely, but it’s a clean kind of loneliness, and I don’t feel alienated or anything. It’s a self-reliance that I’ve never felt before in my life, not even in New York. It’s a good loneliness because it’s just me and my decisions and my selfishness. That’s something that I’ve really never had before, because my whole life has revolved around fulfilling myself with Roy or thinking about Jim.
Last year, I spent 4 weeks backpacking through western Europe by myself because "I wanted to be not here" and you've captured the beauty, thrill, "clean loneliness," and opportunity for personal growth resulting from a trip like that so well and so beautifully. I've been trying to explain to people how the trip made me feel and I've tried to explain my inner evolution to no avail. But now.. now I have your story to direct them to because I would have never been able to epitomize all those emotions and form them into coherent sentences like you have.
Congratulations on your first story here at MTT! I look forward to reading more of your work - I know I'll be reading this one more than once.
Author's Response: Cool, thank you so so much! I'm really happy you liked it. And I'll have more work on here soon (hopefully).
Date: October 16, 2008 10:23 am Title: Chapter 1
Yay! Welcome to MTT! I hope you get lots of comments/feedback.
I know zippy about Japan, other than "Lost in Translation", but I do know how freaky it is to be immersed in another culture and not speak the language and how you become almost invisible.
At the risk of repeating myself, I like that Pam is learning to be more self-reliant and get comfortable with being uncomfortable and even a bit lonely. (How can you give yourself to another person if you don't know who you are?)
Major props for covering some new ground and new situations for Pam & Jim.
Author's Response: Ahhh I'm glad you liked it! And I'm very happy at the feedback I've received, and sort of surprised (albeit flattered) that I got a ribbon. Thank you for the double-feedback :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 09:27 am Title: Chapter 1
There is so much that is terrific about this, aloneinthetown! Here are just a few of the many, many bits that captured me:
He’s been smiling at me since I got in yesterday, a smile that reaches his eyes and his cheeks and his chin.
“Just, okay. What else can I say? I can’t tell you what to do, or what’s best for you and it’s only five weeks.” -- Oh, my God, that is so Jim, absolutely perfect; his regret and sadness but he will never do anything but support her.
It’s like Vegas had a child with Times Square.-- Okay now that's just funny. :)
And I could quote the whole section where Jim is alone during the day while she's at her classes. It's great to see him described like that--doing his own exploring, finding himself too, with her but not with her.
So, in short, this was a terrific piece, thank you for sharing it, and I hope we see more of you around here!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I really appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you liked it.
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 07:21 am Title: Chapter 1
This has been stuck in my head since I read this on LJ last night on lisahoo's recommendation. Lovely to have this here, aloneinthetown, because I really wanted to review it. There so many thoughts and phrases that jumped out at me.
First off, the overall tone of the story is just so sensuous. Phrases and thoughts that I enjoyed:
I hate the times when I can look at him and just feel his heart breaking, like I’m squeezing it through my fingers. I can just picture that image of Jim.
I think he needs to let his love out a little, compress the air that’s been between us for three months. It’s nice to be near him, it’s always nice, but this is such a loving nearness. Those two lines convey so well how happy and relieved they must feel to be reunited.
His hands are chilly on the back of my neck and on my scalp as he runs his fingers through my hair, but his lips are a comforting warmth against mine. The steam of his breath pushing into my throat makes me tingle. I think this makes up for leaving. Lovely.
I eat sushi until I feel sick. Hideki laughs at me and calls it a bonding experience - both of us eating till we might throw up. I know that feeling! So funny to read about it :)
There is a boy in my animation class who has the exact same glasses as Dwight. He’s odd like Dwight too, except he’s short and squat and Austrian. Whenever he opens his mouth and says something silly or weird, I get this rush of homesickness that makes my throat seize up. So sweet and touching.
I feel really out of place, because everyone looks like a skinny hipster or an heiress or something, and I’m wearing a plastic raincoat with flowers on the lining, and a heavy sweater and my gray comfortable flats. Another great visual.
He slips his thigh between my legs and puts his hand gently over my mouth to remind me. Wow. Just...wow.
The romp in the bath? Again--wow. The whole thing was incredibly erotic and just plain HOT :) Sometimes he wants it so badly that he gets a little forceful, controlling - and I like that. His thumbs are on the small of my back, and he’s hinting a little bit, but I want him to tell me. I like the idea of Jim
being in charge (who doesn't really?) :) and: “Give it to me,” he says, next to my ear. “Now.” Holy Moses. I think I need a minute or two or ten... Awesome and sexy, with a little bit of humor thrown in at the end.
And you cap it all off with an in-flight proposal. Excellent job. Hoping you'll post more on this site.
Author's Response: Thank you for the extensive feedback, I really appreciate it. And more will be coming soon :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 06:57 am Title: Chapter 1
Wow! I've lived in Japan, and you've totally captured the experience. This is such beautiful, expressive writing. Pieces I particularly loved:
"I sit on a bench outside and just close my eyes and think about how I’ve been sort lonely, but it’s a clean kind of loneliness, and I don’t feel alienated or anything. It’s a self-reliance that I’ve never felt before in my life, not even in New York. It’s a good loneliness because it’s just me and my decisions and my selfishness."
--I couldn't say it better - this completely captures that exhilarating sense of aloneness you feel.
"His posture would be even more horrible than it regularly is, spine bent, curling into himself as if it will make him shorter."
--I used to do this, only pulling my shoulders in to make myself narrower! Everyone does it who feels out of place there.
"Besides, I know that everyone needs to be alone in a foreign place, at least for a little bit. That’s how you explore yourself."
--nothing could be truer.
Overall, this piece is outstanding. Well done!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm truly flattered to get positive feedback from someone who has LIVED in Japan. I've never even traveled there, so my worst fear was a horrible and completely inaccurate portrayal of the place. I'm really glad that an expert opinion is a positive one. :)
10 [Report This]Date: October 16, 2008 05:35 am Title: Chapter 1
I'm so glad you posted this here - I read this on LJ yesterday but didn't comment because I don't have an account.
This is beautiful. So descriptive - I can close my eyes and imagine it exactly. I love how you describe Pam - alone but it's thrilling at the same time, but yet she is still homesick a bit. Love this!
Author's Response: Thank you muchly! :) And that's how I've always imagined traveling by myself: being terrified and exhilarated at once.
9 [Report This]Date: October 15, 2008 11:33 pm Title: Chapter 1
Such a well-written piece. You captured the emotions of being alone in a new, strange place beautifully. Well done. Can't wait to see what else you've got.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! And it might be a bit before I get more stories on here, but I definitely will :D