1 [Report This]Date: May 13, 2023 05:38 am Title: Chapter 1
I thought several extracts of this were a perfect representation of how Jim and Pam felt towards each other during these episodes. I felt the ending could have been more dramatic just to show the depth of Pam's loss. I also thought that starting the piece with a name, rather than a pronoun, would better draw us into the story. Otherwise, an enjoyable work!
7 [Report This]Date: October 28, 2008 07:42 pm Title: Chapter 1
"The most heartbreaking part to Jim was the fact that he knew she felt the same, but she didn’t feel Jim was worth the risk."
I know Vampiric Blood quoted the same line (speaking of which, I hope she gets back to "Cardiac Care", stat!) but that line really spoke to me, too. I really enjoyed this and hope you find yourself posting stories more often!
Great job on this.
9 [Report This]Date: October 27, 2008 01:40 pm Title: Chapter 1
Worked perfectly with Phyllis quote, and you really captured Jim and Pam. Well done, you should post more, you're super talented =)
Author's Response: Thank you for your feedback! It gives me a little more confidence when people leave me advice and comments. I'm glad you enjoyed how I portrayed Jim/Pam. :)
Date: October 27, 2008 12:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is a nice vignette. Like EmilyHalpert, I feel you captured Pam & Jim's risk tolerances very well. Two phrases really jumped out at me as interesting comments on them:
Pam was a simple girl in a complex situation.
and
The most heartbreaking part to Jim was the fact that he knew she felt the same, but she didn’t feel Jim was worth the risk.
You do need to be careful to check your text for tense jumping. Most of the piece was in past tense and occasional snippets would jump into present.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your feedback! I do have a tendency to forget to check my tenses when I do fan fiction because I write fan fiction spontaneously. I should probably get a beta because while I can catch tense changes in other people's works, I can never seem to do the same in my own writings. rnrnThanks again! :)
Date: October 27, 2008 10:05 am Title: Chapter 1
This is great. It works so wonderfully with Phylis's quote, and its quite realistic. I think you worked out both of their risks and risk taking behavior of sorts out so that it seems in character and what happened in the show.
Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm glad you thought it was decently realistic. I love these characters and I wouldn't want to ruin them. :)