Story Notes:
DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Office. Like everyone else, I wish I did. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Angela's not really a risk taker...-Phyllis
Well, neither was Pam.
Well, neither was Pam.
She knew there was something bothering way before his confession in the parking of Dunder Mifflin. She chose to ignore it because it was just easier that way. Pam was never one to take risks. Her life was good at this point. Yeah, it wasn’t quite the storybook happy ending that she had always hoped would happen, but she told herself real life could never be that way. She had convinced herself no one could ever be that happy. Jim, on the other hand, was having a hard time accepting that same truth.
Jim was also not much of a risk taker. As soon as he graduated college, he just wanted to find a job to start his career off. He was a smart guy and he rarely had to try with his academics. Scoring a job at Dunder Mifflin was simple. All he did was turn in his application and he was hired. He could have gone anywhere, but he feared the unknown. He had never considered a transfer and he just lived his life. Unlike Pam, he did hope for that storybook ending. The problem with Pam was, for the first time in his life, he had to chase after something he wanted. He was ready to finally start taking risks.
Pam stared at the ceiling—wide awake and haunted by the pure disappointment and sadness that crossed Jim’s face after she crushed his hopes of a future with her. Deep down she knew he wanted something more.
He would subtly allude to it all the time. Her reaction was to always shut it down as quickly as possible. She saw glimpses of disappointment when she would intentionally avoid admitting that she was truly happy with him. Jim entering her life only brought complications. She did not want messy. She wanted everything to be “normal” and boring. Every aspect of her life was “normal” and boring. She sat at her job and did the same monotonous task hour after hour. Her wardrobe consisted of the same plain outfits. She liked life the way it was. Unfortunately, Jim decided to cross that line. Jim finally took a risk and put the truth out there for everyone to see. Suddenly, everything was messy and she was forced to make a choice. Pam was a simple girl in a complex situation. And for fear of facing more complications, Pam sacrificed happiness for simplicity. Little did she know that life from now on would be far from simple.
Jim downed his last shot of rum and just stared into his living room. He was all alone. He realized she would never change. The most heartbreaking part to Jim was the fact that he knew she felt the same, but she didn’t feel Jim was worth the risk.
He decided to chase after what he wanted for once. He started small by seeking out transfers and upper-level positions at other branches. He told himself that he was doing this to better his career. He knew that he was just running away. When Jan confronted him and suggested that he tell someone about this, he knew immediately who he would tell first. He never really thought about how she would take it, but he just continued on to find her. When he saw her happily talking to her fiancé, he noticed just how beautiful she really was. She was going to be married in a month, and with this realization, Jim knew he had to try for her. He would be a fool to let someone like her go without a fight. He didn’t plan to say it so direct, but she has this way about her. She would ramble on about the simplest things and speak with such excitement that the love in his heart would just be too much. That genuine, passionate smile she had on her face when she would tease him broke him every time. This time, though, the dam to his heart broke beyond repair and he had no choice but to let her know his feelings. He wanted to be part of that passion of hers forever. He should have known that Pam did not handle complicated well. With his bold move, he had lost and he no longer had anything to chase after.
As the tears dried on her cheeks, she decided that she would finally start going after what she wanted. As scared as she was, Pam smiled for the first time in several hours at the idea of changing her life. She finally knew what she wanted and she was ready to take a risk. The life she wanted did not include Roy. She had many things she wanted to chase after in her life, but the most specific thing that stuck out in her mind was a six-foot-something, floppy-haired prankster who completely understood her. She felt by leaving Roy that she could finally become more herself. And she hoped that later in time, she and Jim could finally chase that happy ending together. She was finally ready to take a risk.
Her weekend was a difficult one that resulted in her breaking off her engagement with Roy. With the constant phone calls from angry relatives and the look in Roy’s eyes when she told him, she wondered if she made a mistake. She was consumed by guilt and she was having a difficult time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She knew she had to do it, though, to find true happiness. There was only one person she wanted to tell about her newfound courage and independence. She patiently waited for him to come through those doors. She didn’t know how he would react, but she didn’t care. She wanted to take a risk for herself and (partially) for him. He was worth it. This was her chance to show him how much he meant to her and how much he had changed her. She looked over at Michael’s office as he opened the door. He took a deep breath and announced to the office that Jim Halpert had transferred to the Stamford branch. And with those simple words, she felt like she had lost her chance.
Chapter End Notes:
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