1 [Report This]Date: September 02, 2018 09:23 pm Title: Mater/Filia
Lovely. A really sweet look at that transitional period.
10 [Report This]Date: November 04, 2010 11:33 pm Title: Mater/Filia
oh this is just so beautiful. i love your writing, ivy. i could see it all perfectly in my head.
10 [Report This]Date: November 04, 2010 09:33 pm Title: Mater/Filia
One of the best I've read in a good while. Very nicely done.
10 [Report This]Date: November 04, 2010 01:23 pm Title: Mater/Filia
Ivy Ivy Ivy, how I love thee. Such a beautiful story, and about something so special to Pam coming to an end - her precious baby is getting so big, and everything is slowly starting to change. I loved seeing her thoughts about that, especially after seeing her not take to nursing instantly on the show, it's a really lovely image you have created for us and I thank you :)
Hmmm after reading your chapter notes at the end, I decided to read this a couple more times and I honestly can't figure out what was confusing about this. Your tenses seemed blatantly obvious to me. Maybe if it wasn't such a well written story it would have been harder to keep up, but that is definitely not the case here.
Date: November 04, 2010 12:05 pm Title: Mater/Filia
Had to re-read this. I'm having a shitty day and I'm finding it's having a calming effect on me today :D Anyway, I didn't find the tense changes confusing at all. I thought it flowed beautifully. The scenes you paint are just so pretty. ::adds to favorites::
Date: November 04, 2010 09:22 am Title: Mater/Filia
andtheivy--i appreciate your comment back..I would try using italics because it does seem to change rather quickly from past to present without much change in the flow.
Date: November 04, 2010 08:02 am Title: Mater/Filia
One of the things I noticed while reading this story is that there is constant changes of tense throughout the piece--it makes it incredibly distracting to read. For example, you start out with writing in the past tense:
"First of all,” he said, chuckling…
“Watching you nurse her,” he murmured,…
And then you go to present:
"I rest my head on the pillowed back…
Jim stays in the shadows"
When writing, it's important to check for these things, I would highly suggest a beta, or looking for another beta to go over grammatical stuff. You can't switch tenses in stories whenever you feel like it, it makes the grammar incorrect. Also--staying in present tense is what's used most commonly, and makes for better writing.
Sorry..my english major nitpicky went crazy when reading this. I've noticed it in a few other of your pieces, and just thought I should say something :)
Author's Response: I appreciate the attention to detail, but the tense changes are jntentional. The past tense indicates memory, something Pam is reflecting on that happened previously. The present tense indicates the ongoing or what is happening in the moment. Perhaps using italics would make that more clear? I'm a professional writer so I'm nitpicky about technicalities as well. With rare exception, any tense differences in my stories are going to be intentional, to differentiate between different time periods in the characters' experiences.
10 [Report This]Date: November 04, 2010 06:46 am Title: Mater/Filia
Ivy, this is absolutely gorgeous. Of the many beautiful, beautiful words you've written, I'll focus on this: I feign exasperation, but I wouldn’t change a thing about him, my tender white knight. That, in particular, conveys so much about Pam's loving relationship with her husband, a relationship that has only developed more depth. And your little details about Cece and Pam's relationship? So touching and amazing. *sigh* Just wonderful.
Date: November 04, 2010 05:17 am Title: Mater/Filia
Just really, really nice!
10 [Report This]Date: November 03, 2010 10:38 pm Title: Mater/Filia
I've deleted and rewrote this review about three times now, as words are not coming to me in my attempt to express how much I loved this. Your story was so raw, beautiful and almost poetic, I could absolutely see each and every one of these words coming to life as I read them. Both Pam and Jim were told wonderfully, and it was so touching to see them being so supportive of each other, and how they had a mutual understanding of how to respond to their baby and to each other's needs involving Cecilia.
Wonderful, wonderful story. I always get excited when I see you've written something new. Keep it up!
10 [Report This]Date: November 03, 2010 09:21 pm Title: Mater/Filia
What a great and such a sweet story with Pam's point of view as a Mom. I loved how she remembers how she first started when Cecelia was born and now she's trying to grasp that Cecelia as her first baby is starting to grow up fast. It's happy and bittersweet moment at the same time. We all know time does go fast. Also, great tie in with Jim to support his girls, it's very sweet. I gotta say kudos to you and keep on writing more of your stories! =)
10 [Report This]Date: November 03, 2010 08:53 pm Title: Mater/Filia
Words are sort of failing me right now. This was really, really beautiful. Such a calm scene, and you conveyed Pam's feelings so well. It seemed very true to her character. I loved the way you ended it with her and Jim and sleep-talking Cece. So sweet. Just perfect. Seriously, every word of this is awesome.
10 [Report This]Date: November 03, 2010 08:43 pm Title: Mater/Filia
This was so very touching and most of all, I love how well I could "hear" Pam saying these things. I also love how Jim is supportive and there for Pam, when she's sick or up at 4am nursing, but it's still Pam's moments. Lovely :)