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Well done! Please re view my tuff. I value your opinion.

Hmmm... I'm not sure what to say about this.

I guess I still like the concept and am curious to see where this goes...
But Jim was just so off. All over the place and not in a way that made sense.
Also, your timeline with Jim was odd. Pam texted him two days after he moved to Stamford but he was already with Karen?

But you also wrote this:

'The first thing I did in Stamford was hit the gym. No time to think about Pam when you're working out, I thought. Stupidly. A week went by, and work happened, and all of a sudden the nightly trips to the gym were replaced by all nighters sitting up in bed, just thinking. Thinking about her smile, her curves, THAT KISS.'


He started work a week after moving but was seeing Karen after two days. I don't mean to be harsh or nitpicking but timeline continuity is important to me.

Author's Response:

Hey idnaoj, thanks for the feedback! 

I agree with you that Jim was written poorly. I didn't give much thought to his 'backstory' in Stamford and wrote some things that were irrelevant or conflicted with other parts of the story. 

Weird in a Twilight Zone way! Nice change of pace. Opens up new ideas. Way to go!

Author's Response: Thank you, glad you like it!