Date: April 21, 2017 07:39 pm Title: Scenario #2 (Pam’s POV): Coffee…or something
Nice to see more from you!
Im team!pam all the way and seeing her so heartbroken through S3 is very difficult for me. I like a little angst but the writers sure gave her a hard time, and it seems to go on forever!
Scenario one was painful for me and I was left feeling very confused about Jim. Was this supposed to be an alt route to canon? With the same ending as S3?
Scenario two was fun for me, I loved getting to read both POVs. Pam was very pam in this. Ready to back off and give up knowing he had found someone else and just bottling things up. But just enough pressure and she explodes. I like it this way... much quicker than the show. Plus I really enjoy reading a good confrontation between them.
It's very clear, to me anyway, that Jim didn't consider what he did to Pam with his CN confession and sudden transfer and then coming back with Karen. He was too wrapped up in himself... it's nice to see Pam bold enough to let him know. I really appreciate that.
Date: April 18, 2017 01:35 am Title: Scenario #2 (Pam’s POV): Coffee…or something
Okay right off the bat the "(a Sandra Bullock-o-thon?)" bit made me laugh!
I think you really nailed Pam's inner monologue in this chapter, especially at the start when she's pacing around in her apartment analysing the days events. It was totally believe and really sounded like what I'd imagine her thought process would be like when I watch the show. I think it's important to emphasise how even if Pam had feelings on casino night, she was denying them or honestly didn't realise what they were; I think this fic does a good job of establishing that AND the process of realisation that she went through in season 3.
Looking forward for more! :)
10 [Report This]Date: April 14, 2017 09:28 am Title: Scenario #2 (Pam’s POV): Coffee…or something
Bravo! Great characterization and a lovely way to skip over the agony of the Karen fiasco. Welcome to MTT!
Date: April 07, 2017 08:40 pm Title: Scenario #1 (Pam's POV): Coffee
Hey, thanks for the response! To be clear, I think the balance itself between showing and telling was good--it's more about the language itself. And again, there was no danger of distracting, or getting too sidetracked in the monologue, but making sure that the language itself doesn't stray into "slightly wordy" territory goes a long way to striking that good balance. :) But overall you did a good job with it. If I found it too much, I probably wouldn't have read the whole thing, honestly. :)
Anyway, thanks for engaging me in the conversation about it and being open to discussion. Do you have more fics in the works?
Date: April 03, 2017 09:54 am Title: Scenario #2 (Jim’s POV): Or something
First, I just wanted to add to the encouragement you've already received and urge you not to worry about being late to the fandom, or writing something similar to a previous story. I'm like you--I just started writing in this fandom a month or two ago, and the way I see it is that I (or you) may write a fic that deals with the same scene, backstory, "what if" that someone else wrote about years ago, but we will always bring a different perspective, a different style, etc, to the story. No two people write the same story, and what you have to offer will be uniquely yours. So don't worry about rehashing plots or ideas. Not to mention that for people like myself, who haven't read a lot of older Office fic, are interested in seeing what's being produced now. :)
Second, this is solid writing. I usually don't care for fics that spend a lot of time on inner monologues, since it's hard for authors not to fall into the trap of telling too much (versus showing). But you struck a pretty good balance of inner thoughts and actions, a good showing and telling balance. If I had one critique it would be that the inner monologue could have been a tiny bit more condensed, but like I said, it was a good enough balance so as not to distract from moving the story forward. You wrote some nice descriptive phrases--I especially remember the image of Jim's feet being tarred to the pavement. Very nice. And finally, I have read what if fics that have a tendency to wander out of character, but this managed to rewrite the scene while keeping them in character. The dialogue was also well done.
Hope to see more from you. :)
Author's Response:
Hey, thanks for your great feedback!
That's a really interesting point about inner monologues. I've always written that way without really thinking about it. Honestly, the ability to get inside a character's head is something that really draws me to print vs. other types of media (and why I always tend to hate it when books that are so character-driven are made into movies). That said, I completely get how it can be too heavy-handed, that it's important to strike a balance, so point well-taken. I'll definitely be more mindful of it going forward.
Date: April 03, 2017 08:47 am Title: Scenario #2 (Jim’s POV): Or something
I completely empathise about that whole newbie thing!! (It wasn't my fault I'm British and was a kid at the time...) Although now I've like seen every episode countless times, am so obsessed it hurts (and savvy on the trivia), it still feels like I've completely missed out :( (Glad to know someone feels the same way haha!) At least we have a decade worth of fics to get though, hey? :)
This seems like a pretty original idea to me! It's well written, the characterisation is fab and I just really really enjoyed it! I hope you chose to continue, I'll be waiting...
Author's Response: Thanks as always for your nice review! Glad that I'm not the only one that feels so late to the party. I'm with ya on the obsessed part, too. What a great show.
1 [Report This]Date: April 02, 2017 11:09 pm Title: Scenario #2 (Jim’s POV): Or something
RE your notes: I understand the concern you may incidentally repeat someone, especially since there are any number of fics from this time on the show, but please don't hesitate to ever write anything since your writing makes these much-written about moments feel fresh again! I'm very interested in your what-if scenarios, just small little changes would have make this episode go so differently. I like the trajectory of this one, how Jim's frustration comes to a head, it definitely makes sense for the time (I always kind of wish we had seen how these two did address casino night), Very bold of Pam to say "I love you", more bold than I feel she was at the time, but it makes sense in this story especially since Jim draws it out of her. Definitely does make for an awkward meeting with Karen but better to just deal with it rather than put it off!
Author's Response: Hey, thanks! I appreciate the reassurance. Yeah, I can see it being a bit OOC for Pam. I was trying to express that she had reached a point where continuing to be deceptive would have been more difficult for her than just confessing, but I probably could have had Jim probe harder (that's what she said). Oh, well, that's the fun thing with "what-if" scenarios, it's fun to experiment. Thanks for the review :)