1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 07:33 pm Title: Chapter 3
On minor technical issue here. The following line. "Jim laughed. Pam leaned in. “Just like old times, huh?” Karen smiled from down the table. Jim looked down at her. He moved his arm from his lap and laid it across her shoulders. She looked up at him." Since Karen is the last named person, when I read the rest of that line it made me think the pronouns following Karen were about her. Thus Jim was putting his arm around Karen and Karen was also looking back up at Jim. I know I'm being kinda sticky about grammar here, but it did honestly confuse me for a second and I had to go back and re-read things to make sure it was Pam that Jim had his arm around. An easy fix would be to either not have the line about Karen smiling at Jim or put it after when Jim has his arm around Pam.
Story wise it was fun to see everyone bouncing off each other like that. Jim and Pam are back together and they're very cute too. Her coming out in his old clothes was fun to visualize as well. Welcome back to writing. Thanks for sharing this one.
1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 06:53 pm Title: Chapter 3
I like this little story. There are some awkward points at the start, as warrior has observed, but at its core it's a cute relatable AU. Although I've owned a Prius in multiple places with bad winters, so I can say small Toyotas do just fine as long as you buy winter tires ;-). But seriously, this is a nice chapter.
1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 01:32 pm Title: Chapter 3
What an adorable story! Since you wrote a maybe in the end, I really hope you consider continuing . Love the fluff
Author's Response: Oh my gosh. Thank you so much! And its a totally real possibility! I'll have to think of more tooth rotting fluff to write about when I work at my super boring job tomorrow :)
1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 09:40 am Title: Chapter 2
I love a more bold and honest Pam! But she must be feeling so sad and confused right now... after sending out such and honest letter and being so vulnerable only to get no response from him, and then to find out he’s not with Karen on top of it. And Jim learning so late that she isn’t married is a interesting twist. Love Karen in the friend/wing person role too, it’s a much better use of her.
Don’t worry too much about inconsistencies with the show, fanfic doesn’t have to be consistent with canon as long as continuity throughout the story itself holds true.
Date: March 16, 2019 09:22 pm Title: Chapter 2
Again PLEASE make this a bigger font size. It's very hard to read. I won't repeat what I wrote in my last review about not rushing to post, but it still applies.
Good on Jim to break things off with Karen early like this. Sets things up nicely for his return. Also good to see Jim and Pam together again. Looking forward to seeing how the catch up with each other.
Date: March 16, 2019 09:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
Okay so first off let's go with the technical side of things. Is there any way you could re-post this with a bigger font size? It's kind of small on a normal laptop screen and thus kind of hard to read. If you're worried about spelling errors I would suggest slowing down when you post. I know it's exciting to get something up. When I finish a chapter of a story I'm writing, I usually take 12-24 hours off. Don't look at it or post it. Then go back and re-read it to try and catch spelling and grammar issues. Then I'll post. I might not get them all, but I'll get a lot more than if I post right after I get done writing.
There were really only two inconsistencies I saw here. First is that Jim knew Pam hadn't gotten married well before the merger. Second, Jim and Karen didn't officially start dating till right around the time of the merger. Here it's as if Jim and Karen have been a couple for a while. However this is also AU so we could chalk that second one up to that.
Other than that, I do like how Pam is reaching out here. Good on her for doing that. Onto the next chapter.
Author's Response: Oh my gosh. I am so sorry about the font! I haven't posted to this site before, just found it actually, and I absolutely love it. I type on a Mac and the font looked okay on there and I thought that it would kind of change the font to how everyone's is on here. Total rookie mistake, my bad. I haven't written in like gosh I don't know like six-seven years. I'm just glad you liked something about it. I know I should have read through it and I will do that for my third chapter, I just had this idea and I wanted to get it out right away. And I totally hear what you're saying about the plot and I was reallyyy worried I was going to mess something up like that...