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I was SO STINKIN’ EXCITED. To see this updated, you have no idea. I love Mafia Jim so much.
I am quite literally entranced by this story and of course, your writing is flawless. You make it seem so effortless to have this underlying tension while having them still be very much in character but also realistically in this unviverse. The threats they face, while not shown implicitly, still fill the atmosphere with their violence. The way you have shaped Jim’s character is so very on par with how I see him and I love the little nuanced ways we get to see that.
Anyway, you know I’m absolutely terrible at reviews but, Coley, this story is such a masterpiece.

Hello. Hi. I am SO excite.
“For too many years, I saw it.” Okay, so Helene is more perceptive that I gave her credit. I love that she’s challenging Pam on this. It’s such a mother move.
If she has to make out with Jim to prove something to her mother, I’m not going to be mad...
You’re throwing me into remembering why I love this version of Pam so much. She’s got that extra bit of Fancy New Beesly sass and she shows it in spades here with the way she handles Helene.

“Jesus, look at him. Think he’d switch places with his brother? I’d marry him in an instant.”
“See, about that…”
I want to copy this whole entire thing and be like this, this is my favorite. But that would be insane, but like *this*, this is it. It’s perfect. Same, Penny, same.

“You’re prettier than Katy.” Finally someone gets it. Sign me up to team Betsy.
Why does Pam giving tea as her drink of choice do something to me? It’s fine. It’s the most simple of canon choices and I love to see it so much.

“I’m not just saying that because you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home to meet me.” Oh stop. Do I love Betsy? I think I do. It’s such a contrast to Helene.

“Pam had to bite back a laugh over the fact that she’d found herself on the receiving end of two women with knives that evening and Jim’s beloved security was nowhere to be found.” Coley. You write the words so well. I love this tinge of humor. It’s perfect.

Damn. It’s so good. That little slip from Betsy with NYU and Pam just acing it.

Oh. Oh. Okay. I got the mother wrong, but still the same brilliant, delightfully trope-y plan.
“Just wait until my mother isn’t watching.” PERFECT.

OH. You’re just going to put that final line in there and assume we’re okay. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.

If we’re still here?! Coley. COLEY. It goes without saying, but I will always be 110% here for anything you do.

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Hey Sunshine.

That's it. That's the review. Cause you've done this again. Left us with a cliffhanger (what the hell, Helene?!) after the turmoil of that jewelry store conversation (amazing!), Pam's flirting (terrible!), and Jim's whole Ring Test (brilliant!!).

And the way Jim handled himself at Helene's was perfection.

You masterfully slip in all of these moments when Pam lets herself toy with the idea of Really Liking him and it's completely normal that I'm YELLING at my phone while I read this. I'm so excited about this entire fic and where you keep promising to take these big plans. Please please don't make us wait another 8 months. *please*

Look, Sunshine.

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“See, I know where your tattoo is.” She raised her hand and let her fingertips trail over his right bicep, knowing exactly where the Halpert family crest was inked into his skin. She heard his breath catch in his throat and dropped her hand, stunned silent by her own moment of boldness."
I can't stop thinking about that line, because, apparently it's the sexiest thing I've read in a long, long time. Just amazing.
Thank you for such a great story!

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Coley just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in. I’m kidding, I was never out and now you’ve left me eagerly awaiting the next chap!

Your characterization is just so good, you’re able to build on the traits Pam and Jim have in the show so naturally that while they’re in such a different scenario they still feel like our Pam and Jim (albeit sassier and more assertive). And Kelly didn’t really need any transformation, she fits right in and your Kelly voice is perfect.

Love the whole scene at the gallery, Pam being so grumpy she doesn’t see at all the heart shaped diamond (I see what you did there ;-) ) was a gag and then Jim blowing her away with a perfect ring.

Such great tense dynamic at Helene’s but you’ve left us with quite the cliffhanger! So no pressure but i do hope the next chapter comes soon!

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I truly never knew I needed this story in my life until now. I know nothing about this kind of lifestyle, but I'm sucked in and ready for the ride. I cannot wait for the next chapter, great job!!

I freaking LOVE this story!
Thank you so much for updating and please do it again soon! :D

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I actually gasped when I saw you updated this story! This has been one of my favorites for a while, I’m soooo glad you retook it. I love the whole Michael Corleone thing that Jim’s got going on. The way the family is reacting to the fake marriage is great! Can’t wait to read what Jim’s brothers have to say. So happy you restarted!!!

Oh my gosh I got so excited to see this updated!!! What an awesome surprise. Love the fake ring he got her and Helene's response. So excited to see where this goes.

I was watching The Irishman on Netflix tonight and it definitely made me think of this fic. Well, in some ways. But in good ways too.

Author's Response:

Good timing too, because I was *just* thinking of this story this weekend. It did get pushed to the back burner for awhile there, but I promise it’s not forgotten and I’m coming back it shortly!

And now I really want to watch The Irishman - as soon as I have 3 hours!

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I don’t know when this became my new favorite rom-com. Actually, scratch that - I know exactly when... Pam adding no. 6 to the to do list! My rom-com, trope adoring heart is full.
I love the list. I love Pam striking “don’t get killed” from the list. I am a list person. The whole list inclusion spoke to my soul (not to be too melodramatic...)
The taser line - this Pam is a little Veronica Mars in the best way & I love her all the more for it. (I feel like I’ve said that before? Maybe? But I stand by it, so it’s worth repeating).
If Jim breaks Pam’s trust I will be devastated. Just a heads up...
This whole “what would Jim Halpert hate the most” passage made my day. A brilliant Pam quip.

Oh, one last thing... I’m sorry, I don’t buy a world in which Pam is allergic to cats AND friends with Angela. Doesn’t seem likely 😂

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I just watched a video on how to write screenplays. In it they said one of the best things a writer can do to get their audience invested in the story is make the audience curious. You've been doing that with every chapter and continue to do so here. Even while filling in some of the backstory there are still questions that are being brought up. Where is and what is Pam's tattoo? Why does Jim think he'll really be able to handle getting back into the business? Is there only one FBI guy monitoring Coley's activity to ensure this stays just a simple fanfic or is there a whole team now? ;) However most importantly, does Pam really think that she'll be able to cross off item #6 and not fall in love with Jim?

So yes it seems like you're still setting things up, but you're doing so in a way that really pulls one into this world. Great job in that regard.

Lots of fun with the banter here too. I really liked how they're starting to relax with each other. There are still some big hesitations to be sure, but this was a fun chapter.

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You have this way of adding in all these little things that make me so in love with this World and want more from it. Guh to the near proposal to Ryan; I want that story as much as I want to know exactly what Bill said to Roy behind closed doors on Thanksgiving.

Here is the other great thing you do in this chapter. Okay, there's a little tongue-in-cheek absurdity in the backdrop but there are REAL emotions that Pam is trying to juggle. Not only do you do a great job of showing the depths of that, but also evoking so much empathy for where she finds herself. Like, in this fanfic world it's so easy for me to be like "PAM, it's JIM; this isn't a difficult issue!" but in all the right ways I'm feeling for her. Big Time.

Oh my god. Dwight is perfection here. And Jim's response? Equal perfection.

Again, you just... you write their banter in ANY situation with such a natural ease that it's disturbing how good you are. The shift between serious and teasing and mild flirting is just too well done.

Ha! I can't lie, I thought when she was going into the house in that first scene, she would reappear with either 1) alcohol for a loyalty toast or 2) a knife for a blood pact. I clearly watch too many movies. What you did is far more in character and better for the story! :D

I WANT TO SEE MORE AT THE PAINTED LADY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!

I'll say it again; you are fierce with their banter! And I love how you are keeping it fresh while we're trying to, you know, solve a MURDER! For example, this little gem:
“You’re a bit of an asshole, you know that?” She kept her focus on her menu, scared that she would crack a grin if she made eye contact with him.

“You’re not the first to say it. You’re kind of a bitch though, so we’ll balance each other out just fine.” He was smirking when she finally looked up at him. “And obviously get the BLT because it comes with fries.”

Pam ordered the Cobb salad."

I mean, I howled every time I read that. It is PERFECTION. Oh and the part about Pam's therapist is too fantastic and please tell me get more of THAT!

But the part that killed me, like KILLED me, hosted my funeral, and brought me back from the dead were those damn dossiers. It's like every inspo-board brought to life and I LOVE it. (What DID happen in Mexico in 2008?) I just love every bit of that lunch scene and how in character you have kept everyone. Oh my god, Phyllis Vance as the gossiping Housewives of Scranton ring leader is too perfect. Katy's not a "meet the family" kind of girl; oh boy I hope we hear more about that! And that little backstory Pam and Jim concocted so easily was a great throwback to the ease they had when planning a prank. Well done!!

AGH! And the way you threw in the "it's a date" line was an unexpected treasure! I am so in love with where this story is going. You know I'm already a little obsessed with it and I feel like it just keeps getting better and better with each chapter.