Date: December 04, 2019 08:31 am Title: Chapter 4
First three chapters are really good; however, I feel that this fourth chapter presents some problems. Pam making friends with Karen is perfectly fine, good even, but I don’t see her doing exactly what Jim did, word for word. It’s also unfortunate that Pam’s actions result in Jim staying at odds with Karen - he clearly needed a friend during his time at Stamford and now that Pam has essentially stolen his opportunity, Jim has lost a possible anchor to keep him from her. Next, you might not be keeping a strict timeline here, but presumably these events take place after “The Convention”, so shouldn’t Jim be inclined to think that Pam is dating, i.e. not single?
Obviously there’s more to come, so maybe these events will be re-contextualized in later chapters.
Author's Response:
Hi Jimboree,
Thanks for taking time the time to review.
The timeline of this is a little clunky, I agree, but the convention has not yet happened. Essentially these events are taking place around the same time as Gay Witch Hunt. Jim has had no contact from Pam. Pam hasn’t dated.
In regards to Karen, very early on in Season 3, she doesn’t appear to be interested in Jim. She comes across as more perplexed/annoyed by him. I’m basing this entirely how she speaks about him in Gay Witch Hunt - as this is about the time it’s set, I’ve aimed to recreate the same Karen here.
I decided to use the same prank, & basically the same dialogue for a number of reasons. Mostly because Pam & Jim have pranked together for so long it doesn’t seem out of the bounds of reality for them to approach something in a similar way... Plus, it worked for Karen in canon & helped us see another side of her.
You said “Jim has lost a possible anchor to keep him from her.” That was exactly the point. Without Karen, Jim would have returned to Pam far, far earlier on - that’s the plan here.
I hope this all makes some sense!
Date: December 03, 2019 02:47 pm Title: Chapter 4
I like the this tactic that Pam's come up with. Be the Pam he fell in love with, but since he's being cool towards her, direct it at Karen. Pam makes a new friend, starts to chip away at Jim's feelings, and starts to feel good for herself. Win-win-win.
Bit of ebb and flow with Jim here. Lots of mixed feelings that come across well. He may be all serious workaholic Jim, or at least telling himself that. But under it all, he 's still Jim. The nice guy who tries to do the right thing. His guilt over how he treated Karen show this nicely.
Wonderful update as always.
Author's Response: Thanks Warrior!
1 [Report This]Date: November 29, 2019 10:44 pm Title: Chapter 3
Ok, so basically "The Merger" but in Stamford. I do like how Jim's instinct is to have her in his arms. Trust that instinct Jim, it'll lead you to a safe harbor. Still, he's scared. Pam threw him for a loop by showing up here and it shows. Hopefully the crash of the waves will settle a bit for him to hear that voice inside.
Pam though is doing as well as can be expected. Yes, swim diagonal or parallel to shore to get out of the rip, but once, out of the rip and into calm water, one still needs to swim to shore to get to the safety of the beach. Hopefully she'll get of the rip soon and then take the more direct approach. It worked with getting away from the sinking boat that was Roy. It could work well to get to the safe harbor that is a relationship with Jim too.
Lovely writing. The nautical metaphors are still working well in my opinion.
Author's Response:
Yep, basically “The Merger” in Stamford (for now). It’ll deviate a little more in the next chapter - mostly because Pam arrives in time to disrupt the Karen thing from becoming a thing...
I’m glad the metaphor is still working. I’m really trying to balance overusing it & not mentioning it at all. I hope I’m mostly hitting that sweet spot in the middle.
Thanks for reviewing! (As always).
Date: November 29, 2019 08:49 pm Title: Chapter 3
Ugh! Why can't these two just communicate?! Lovely chapter. Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Communication is definitely not their strong point... It’ll take less than the entirety of Season 3 for them to sort things out here though. Thanks for the review!
1 [Report This]Date: November 28, 2019 06:21 am Title: Chapter 2
I'm really enjoying this. And definitely keen! Looking forward to the reunion
Author's Response: Thanks Sam! Hopefully I won’t leave you waiting too much longer...
1 [Report This]Date: November 26, 2019 05:57 pm Title: Chapter 2
"Get keen". 😁 I'm very keen for the next update. Can't wait. I love the bit with Michael and the mints. Hilarious.
Author's Response: Thanks Sprinkles! Oh Michael, he has no idea how well he’s playing into my metaphor 😉
Date: November 26, 2019 04:35 pm Title: Chapter 2
Oh, I am also loving this set-up. I'm so excited to see this come together! Great job Jenna! Woohoo! :)
Author's Response:
Thanks for taking the time to review, Clover! I really appreciate it a86;a039; Hopefully it lives up to your excitement!
Date: November 26, 2019 04:37 am Title: Chapter 2
Good build-up to Pam's arrival. They both have such hugely conflicting emotions right now. "What if, what if, what if..." Clearly there's a lot of fear in both of them still. However what I really liked in this chapter is there's the first few glimmers of hope starting to peak through. Not all is lost. That's nice to see.
Looking forward to seeing them both in the same room again.
Author's Response: Thanks Warrior - not all is lost, but it’s going to take a little while for them to get there. Hopefully I’ll have the next chapter up sometime this weekend.
1 [Report This]Date: November 25, 2019 07:53 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh BOY am I ready for this!!! I don't think I've ever seen "Pam and Jim work in Stamford together" and I love that you put a time table on the position.
"Bring our boy back."
YES.
Can't wait to read more of this!
Author's Response: Thanks Agian! I think I’ve read a couple of twists on The Merger where Pam (& others) end up in Stamford, but I’m hoping this is a bit of a unique take - particularly the idea of Pam putting herself in the situation...
Date: November 24, 2019 06:48 am Title: Chapter 1
Wow! I'm loving this scenario! Excited to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks! I’m glad you’re enjoying it. More to come someday in the not too distant future...
1 [Report This]Date: November 23, 2019 07:12 am Title: Chapter 1
This is so great! More please. What an original story! And the metaphor is excellent. I can't wait to see what comes next.
Author's Response: Thanks Sprinkles! It’s nice to hear you like the idea, & the metaphor - I’m not sure how long it’ll end up being just yet so hopefully it doesn’t wear too thin 😂
1 [Report This]Date: November 22, 2019 06:01 pm Title: Chapter 1
Ok, so wow. This looks to be really good. You've really got a knack for coming up with these unique ideas and also different metaphors to describe them and this is proving to be no exception.
I do like the dichotomy between Jim and Pam here. They're both lost, but in different ways. Jim clinging to the one thing that can ground him, even if it goes against most of what he used to be like. Pam and her almost aimless drifting. I do like that she has the wherewithal to realize what her old relationship with Roy was and what a relationship with Jim could be. Great introspection on both their parts.
Then of course there's Micheal. I love Sincere Micheal here. Usually when he has a moment like this it pays off well. I get the feeling that this is one of those moments. I loved that he's held Jim's position open. The "go get our boy," is telling. He really considers DM Scranton his family and that shows here nicely.
Can't wait to see where this one goes.
Author's Response: Thank you, Warrior. You’ve really made my day here, mostly because I know you give frank (cushioned in kind) and constructive feedback to literally everything. It means a lot to have you say that this idea/metaphor isn’t completely ridiculous.