Date: March 03, 2020 01:15 am Title: With a Bullet and a Bet
The plot thickens. I get the feeling that sometime soon Jim is going to have much more of a leadership mantle placed on his shoulders. I kinda looked like the people at the swap meet were already looking up to him. He's in charge of probably the best equipped farm in the area and he's already done things to fortify it. Now a lot of the prep for that was thanks to Dwight.
*take off hat and pauses in a moment of silence for Dwight in this story*
But still, Jim and everyone at the farm have a lot going for them.
That also makes them a huge target. I know that they all know that. The thing is this Mac character seems to be not only ruthless but smart about it. Which makes him a dangerous enemy.
Batten down the hatches Jim. Feels like you're going to need every advantage you can get.
Author's Response: I have always liked the idea of the reluctant leader. The person doesn't seek out that role but people thrust it upon them because they believe they are capable. I think Jim has that in him even though he doesn't really want it (even in the past, he didn't.) I want to draw the distinct contrast between the farm and the outside world. What they have to do to defend that way of life is important and ultimately hopeful, I think.
Date: March 02, 2020 11:56 pm Title: You Know War, it Has no Heart
Got me a little worried with the first part of this chapter. I could feel the hunger they were all going through as they huddled in that cabin. Then when those creeps showed up. Good on Jim and Brian to send them packing. Well done Jim, being the sheepdog as you put it earlier.
Nice to have a break of almost normal with the swap meet. I get the feeling this is one of those, enjoy the good times when you can cause they don't happen much anymore kind of times for our heroes. Especially with the rumor of that larger gang.
Looks like Jim is also familiar with a concept called the Grey Man. What that means is that the Grey Man survives by not drawing attention to themselves. They are the ones in the background you dismiss in an instant. Could serve him and everyone at the farm well.
That last scene with Jim and Pam though. Very nice to imagine all that. Even through it all, their connection still remains just as strong as we see anywhere else. Maybe even stronger.
Author's Response: The good times never seem to last long! I realize I was likely heavy-handed with the foreshadowing but I definitely want to draw attention to the fact that their gut instincts were right. Grey Man is very interesting and is indeed how many of these people have lasted so long and without having to fight off anyone. Thank you for your always enjoyable thoughts!
1 [Report This]Date: March 02, 2020 01:58 am Title: With a Bullet and a Bet
Oh boy. We all knew that Mac was bad news & I fear the worst is yet to come... Incredible writing as always, you have a real knack for writing tension which plays wonderfully into the genre. I’m so apprehensive to see where you go next!
Author's Response: Thank you so much JB! I'm glad the tension I have in my mind is translating well to the reader.
1 [Report This]Date: March 02, 2020 01:50 am Title: You Know War, it Has no Heart
Ugh. My heart was in my throat throughout this chapter - particularly in the flashback. Haunting. Then, to top it off, you reference just about one of my favorite moments - “1 in 4.” So great.
Author's Response: Thank you! I want there to be little glimpses of who they used to be and that was always one of my favorite episodes.
Date: March 01, 2020 07:42 pm Title: Dirty Water, Final Scraps of Light
I loved the flashback at the beginning and seeing how much they missed simple things like cereal and baths.. ugh, my heart. And then that very last line of the chapter? There goes my heart all over again.
You’re so good at this, and I’m so happy that you’re sharing your writing with us!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so very much Coley!
1 [Report This]Date: February 27, 2020 02:40 am Title: Dirty Water, Final Scraps of Light
The intrigue just keeps building... If you hadn’t clarified that the major character death wasn’t going to be Jim/Pam, that last line would have been awfully ominous! I mean, it still was, just not as much as it could have been...
Author's Response: I wanted to relieve some concerns because I wanted to use her fear of losing him to shape some of her decisions down the road but I didn't want the reader to be too anxious. I can't stand to lose either one of them anyway! Thanks for commenting!
Date: February 26, 2020 08:23 pm Title: Dirty Water, Final Scraps of Light
Ugh. Again I say, your writing is so effortlessly brilliant. Seriously. This is blowing my mind. I’m so excited to see what what this world does to the characters we love. Can’t wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm thrilled you are loving it. I have always been drawn to this genre and wanted to explore how Jim and Pam change and respond when modern civility and culture is gone. Thanks for commenting!
Date: February 26, 2020 06:09 pm Title: This is Home Now
Ok, I don't read scifi, I don't read darker,strongly divergent AU stories, I steer clear of character death, but I just had to take a peek since everyone was talking about it, and.... I'll officially be breaking all of my rules!
If it hadn't been so well written, I would have realized I was breaking my rules before I got to the end of the chapter.
Nice job!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you broke your rules this time! I'm not a big fan of Scifi either but this particular genre has always interested me. I wanted to show how I think Jim and Pam would change when the world was completely different and civility gone. It does get darker, but I hope it's in a believable, palatable way. Thanks for reading!
1 [Report This]Date: February 26, 2020 01:41 pm Title: Dirty Water, Final Scraps of Light
I am instantly hooked on this - it’s SO good!
Thank you for saying the Jam and their kids aren’t the character death - it helps me to cope with all the tension! Hahaa!
You’re wonderful! More please :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I felt the need to clarify that because it is more of a look at how this dark world around them changes Jim and Pam and how they respond to it. It would hurt me too much to lose one of them. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
1 [Report This]Date: February 26, 2020 11:33 am Title: Dirty Water, Final Scraps of Light
Amazing story. Every piece of it is fantastic. I'm in awe of how you catch the heroes' emotions, translate them into letters, and make the readers (at least me) feel them all. I'm on the verge of tears right now, but it's okay.
And definitely, it's great to see a little backstory. I like how it's uncovered not instantly, but little by little. Thank you for your story!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm hoping to explore how the events of the past have shaped who Jim and Pam are now. Thanks for reading and commenting!
1 [Report This]Date: February 26, 2020 10:21 am Title: Dirty Water, Final Scraps of Light
The great world building continues. I was about to say something about how with this new potential threat from town how Jim's group at the farm should start thinking about defenses. You beat me to it. I would not be at all surprised in that armory that Dwight left them that there would be some books or instructions on how to make booby traps or other defenses.
Speaking of Dwight. I bit heartbreaking to get more glimpses of what happened to him. Not only that but the effects it left on everyone else. Still doing a great job with this.
Author's Response: That's so interesting! I have some other ways that are mentioned later that his foresight helps them but I never thought of booby traps. That is so very Dwight! I really wanted there to be a significant catalyst for a change in Jim, to push him into revealing the parts of him that I feel are lying underneath and so I used Dwight's death to do that. I've always found the ripple effect on other characters when someone dies very interesting. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
1 [Report This]Date: February 25, 2020 04:37 am Title: This is Home Now
Ok, yeah just like everyone else I'm hooked into this one too. Great way to get into this world. Already we've got questions about the who's, what's, why's, and everything. It very much feels just as tense as any survival/post-apocalypse type show or movie one would see. Great detail in both world building as well as internal thoughts.
Great job with this first chapter. Really looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! This genre has always interested me. I like to see how people respond when civilization is stripped bare and people's true nature comes out. Thanks for reading!
1 [Report This]Date: February 25, 2020 04:30 am Title: This is Home Now
I really, REALLY want more of this. I have so many Thoughts. I’m worried about these little clues you’ve established in this world, but I’m so hooked on where you’re going to take them.
And A+++ for the inspiration. Cause same, girl, same.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I love your work, so I love that you have thoughts about this story. I was really interested to see Jim's personality utilize some of the underlying elements that I feel are there. And the beard. The beard is very important.:P
1 [Report This]Date: February 24, 2020 09:38 pm Title: This is Home Now
Wow. It’s quite a world you’re setting up here... I’m really curious to see what they’re up against, whether it’s just dangerous humans or something more. I loved the little touches - like of course it’s Angela who’s good with the children & becomes their teacher. That fits so very well. It’s really interesting to see who you’ve included in this world, for example Pete & Erin. I feel like they’re generally underused in fic, so it will be great to see what you do with them here. This was really wonderfully written, I can’t wait to see what comes next!
Author's Response: Thank you! I've always been interested in how people respond when modern culture and civility is stripped away. I'm glad you felt Angela's role was fitting. She doesn't have a very large role overall but I wanted her to reflect that significant loss of Dwight from the wife's perspective. It's probably an unpopular opinion but I always liked Pete and Erin together! I also wanted Jim to have capable guys to have along with him and Pete seemed like he fit. Thanks for reading!
Date: February 24, 2020 08:26 pm Title: This is Home Now
LOVE this first chapter. The detail and mystery is awesome, and I like the mix you mentioned of 13 Hours, JR and QP. I can't wait to read more. And, hear what happened to Dwight. More please!
Author's Response: Thank you! I love his portrayal of those characters and I wanted to see that more woven in with Jim's personality. Thanks for reading!
1 [Report This]Date: February 24, 2020 08:24 pm Title: This is Home Now
Okay so like. Do you write movies? TV scripts maybe??? That’s really the only explanation. Because this is SO GOOD. And it’s only the first chapter. Holy crap. I am STOKED to see what happens in the rest of this world. I have a feeling I’m going to run out of jelly beans way too early.
Author's Response: Haha your comment made me smile, thank you. This is my first venture into fiction writing so your words are very encouraging, especially since I have most of yours favorited.:P Thank you so much for reading!
1 [Report This]Date: February 24, 2020 02:26 pm Title: This is Home Now
This is a really cool story with great visuals! I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you!
1 [Report This]Date: February 24, 2020 12:19 pm Title: This is Home Now
Daaaaang. I’m hooked already. This is such a great first chapter; I was tense reading the whole thing and I’m worried and concerned about everyone mentioned... I especially don’t trust those 2 at the end there!
I’m looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yeah, they are both trouble. Thanks for reading. ;)