1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 06:04 pm Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Oh my god Jenna. JENNA.
When I say that I had a hard time choosing my favorite lines from this to put in my review, it's because I counted and there were 17 and I had to narrow it down before I just copy/pasted your entire chapter in this review. This whole thing was beautiful.
"Glowing halo tangling in her curls" okay wow, teach my 5th graders how to figurative language please I LOVE THIS
God, can you imagine if Jim *had* just said, "Yo, I don't get him either?" My heart stopped.
"He may not know what love is, but he sure knows what it isn’t." Oh, Jim. Oh you poor, sweet baby.
"Quick to jump on her flaws - of which there is only one as far as Jim is concerned and it’s her blatant inability to see Roy for what he is." So THIS was a punch in the heart.
"It’s like she knows Roy’s failings and accepts them. She shouldn’t have to. He wants her to know that she shouldn’t have to." This. This is it. This is their relationship in three sentences. And I'm EMOTIONAL.
"She’s pushed him away in every other way possible" did I already say I was emotional? Just keep stacking them.
"Jim, and only Jim her heart whispers" Damn, well, hers can whisper, because mine was SCREAMING
"If Roy wants to beat him to a pulp, Roy can beat him to a pulp. So be it. He’s done pretending this is all okay." I...why do I love this Firey Jim so much?
The entire part where Pam and Roy are each other's parking lot afterthoughts? I mean, you hit that RIGHT ON. And it's painful but it's so, so true.
"Jim is saying too much and Roy isn’t saying enough.
She’d like to think she could swim for the land all on her own if she had to." This GOT ME. It's like her entire life has been accelerated. She just needs the both of them to shut the fuck up so she can hear herself think.
Jenna. I don't know what you're doing with the endless metaphors, but NEVER STOP. This entire chapter was so beautiful, and I love this concept. Please write more!
Author's Response: It’s fine, AG. I’m fine. You can just leave me an epic review like this and I’m totally fine.
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 12:29 pm Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
AMAZING. I was mesmerized the whole time. I would have loved if we got to see Pam's reaction to Jim's "I would save the receptionist" on the show, but this is just as good. I cannot wait for the next part!
Author's Response: Thanks Aly!
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 12:18 pm Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
I got all giddy when I saw the title. I love this song and it's been stuck in my head since I saw you posted an update. This song also reminded me of Jam and I love your post about it. It's so true that love just isn't what Roy and Pam have, but it's so much more with Jim and Pam. Ugh you pulled at my heartstrings and I was a fan. Amazing and great to see another update from you. I've missed seeing them!
Author's Response: Thanks Beth!
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 07:42 am Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Admittedly I found myself having to go back over a few lines because I got lost, but overall I really liked it. The subtle brazeness of Jim in this chapter is a sight to behold, as is the internal turmoil that results from it. We all wish they had said something more substantial on that deck, and this was a great possibility. I really hope we get a part two... Or more!
Author's Response: Thanks DG!
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 07:18 am Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Jenna this is so good. You're using so few words but they are saying so much. I hate to day that it could be a one shot because I hope you do another chapter. But it's perfect even like this.
Author's Response: Thanks so much Sprinkles! I was trying not to rely too much on dialogue with this one. Chapter 2 is on the way (although I do rather like this as a stand-alone too...)
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 07:11 am Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Oh, I REALLY like this!!! More please! This is a great premise. I would love to read so much more
Author's Response:
Thanks Merria! There’s definitely a chapter 2 on the way!
Date: June 21, 2020 05:36 am Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Wow, a little courage will go a long way there Jim. You've really got their emotions written out well here. The nervousness, the fear, the feeling that Jim and Pam know there's something between them but they can never really bring it out. However what I really like is how seemingly one small new set of words or actions can shift course just enough to where big changes start happening as the proverbial ship moves further down this new heading.
Jim finally letting himself be honest, finding the courage to not just let Pam completely drift back into herself, standing up for what he feels is right in his heart and damn the torpedoes. Just great.
Great way to see Pam there at the end. In a very short time frame she has two very clear points of comparison. Jim and a much less desperate declaration but still true and honest. Roy who is once again drunk, ignoring her, and again can't remember they're engaged.
Her moment of clarity of the blade severing her connection to Roy seemed to be well and truly earned. That she acts so decisively is great to see.
However there's still storm clouds on the horizon. How will Roy take this? How will Pam? Katy's still there. They're all still stuck on a boat. Really looking forward to seeing where we go with this.
Author's Response: Thanks Warrior!
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 05:02 am Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Yes! Please write chapter 2! I love this! As for the structure, I think it works well. It builds up the tension.
Author's Response:
Thanks Donna! Chapter 2 to come soon! I’m glad the structure works - I was hoping I’d managed to make it clear enough as to who was speaking and it seems to have worked well enough.
1 [Report This]Date: June 21, 2020 02:43 am Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
Love this! Can't wait for more! Thank you for sharing.
Author's Response:
Thanks epj27! It took a while, but more to come soon!
1 [Report This]Date: June 20, 2020 11:20 pm Title: The way you're talking sounds like he's somebody you should hate
What a beautiful and heartwrenching start!
Poor Jim. His aching is so palpable, and its facilitation seems to be so impossible... at that moment. And poor Pam... I feel her confusion and fear and protectiveness of Roy — somehow, its protectiveness of herself, I guess. And she knows, or, at least suspects Jim's feeling and it only made everything worse and more complicating. And the rocking desk is the perfect metaphor for their state.
"You're everything, Pam. I wish he treated you like that." I'm dying here because it's... it's... it's so selfless and tender and... gah! Who's that damned person who broke the spell? Okay, perhaps, perhaps, if Pam kissed Jim right here right now, it would have unpleasant consequences, but God! it would be so good...
The whole exchange between Roy and Jim is good, Captain Jack's remark is excellent (and so on time because it caused a reaction so pleasantly different from canon...), and... you know, I feel sorry for Roy. Really sorry. Because "The axis of Roy's world isn't balanced on her very presence like his is."
And... if you treat you fiancee (who supposed to be the main person in your life) like a second choice... perhaps, you aren't happy that much either. Perhaps, you're just content with stability in your life... and it's Pam and Roy's tragedy.
And Pam's realization on the desk and her final words... I'm a happier person than I was before reading! Thank you so much for this story, and I crossed my fingers for the upcoming update ;)
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Dernhelm!