1

This version of the inspiration of her prank against Dwight is inspired, as is circling back to the way she keeps getting all these little reminders of him and this one act she took to try to bring them back together in response.

Ooooof. The idea of Pam throwing out those momentos is a gut punch... and somehow one that's even worse knowing how it ends, that Pam isn't going to have all the reminders of the beginning of their story once they're together. Thank goodness she missed the yogurt lid.

LOVE the now-canon confirmed idea that they always gave each other SOMETHING for Christmas, and the way you describe them walking the line between friendship and not.

Another connection I hadn't made before: the way in which Pam might see some parallel to HERSELF in Roy's longing for her. VERY interesting and highly plausible.

This new parking lot exchange hurts.

1

You've done really good work here capturing what Pam's head space would have looked like in the first months of her own - her sense of pride in the mundane adult responsibilities, and her sense that her world is just... incomplete somehow without Jim. The way she can visualize him during The Conversation is. Ugh. Your level of talent is unreal.

"A flaw in her that somehow relinquished control of her rational mind and thought he was the only person she wanted to share it with and acted on that thought. Billions of people on the planet and there was only one she cared to hear the reaction of." That's love. Cut to its core. And your take on Pam's evening post merger is devastating.

1

“Even though she was in the magical years of self-delusion between twenty-five and thirty, where you were old enough to know better but could still get away living like you didn't” Oh my god call me out why don’t you.

“but then again she was well versed in ignoring the obvious” shot to the heart. I —

“Experience also came with age and wisdom, two things that were only born from time so maybe time was all she needed” the way I’m about to print this out & put it on the wall in my office...

“she absently wondered if the color had drained from her face because she felt the fragments she had shored against her ruins falling away piece by piece” Wow. Honestly wow. This line blows me away. It’s so achingly beautiful.

How. Dare. You.
Jim.
It’s all too perfect.
I love that there’s not much said & yet so much happens.
That final line. It’s everything.

1

You've written this alternate scene well.

Like you, I loved the Pam/Dwight interaction. I think Dwight pulling off his coat was intended to drape around Pam, but that was just a step too caring for Dwight. I was amazed he could retrench so quickly to come up with being hot; Dwight does not think fast on his feet. He's the rules and regulations guy.

I thought this was Pam's lowest point in all of Season Three. I like your alternate take; this could have brought Jim's decision point forward by months, but we would have given up Pam's beach scene and lost seeing her tangible growth. Jim's agony would have been far more acute, and he'd already been through Casino Night. I think the show writers thought enough is enough for Jim. It is an ensemble cast after all; JK had already shown he was the breakout star.

Your last sentence “And suddenly her grin and her life stopped being so forced.” walks that fine line between nadir and hopeful. Good onya

1

You are way too good at this whole writing thing, but never stop. I love Pam and Dwight to pieces, but I always wished that Jim was the one to find her in that hallway. The fact that they could say everything without saying a word really just killed me. And then him staying, "the universe taking pity on two fractured souls seeking solace." That was beautiful, bored. I loved this so, so much.

Do I want to cry? Do I want to laugh? Do I want to make a lot of 'aww' noises? I don't know, probably I want to do all of that and THANK YOU for that!
(Seriously. Lately, I have some trouble with feeling things — I feel mostly numb to everything that used to bring me emotions (or potentially could cause feelings) — and now I feel many things, which is so nice for a change).
And I love your writing, it's so poetic and delicate, like watercolors on fine paper. Especially I love these lines:
"she saw something more complex, more like a melodic song with notes of concern and pain and regret each playing their part across his melancholy visage."
and
"he had read her like the pages of his favorite novel before sliding the bookmark into the crease and shutting it for another day."
That's so heartachingly beautiful.
And I like these subtle changes you brought to the canon. I like their silent conversation and acknowledging each other's emotions, it really feels like something natural, and I hope that those changes will lately play their role. Can't wait to see that!
Also... thank you so much for not letting Pam fucked Danny. That little thing made me a little happier!

1

Oh my... I love that you have them *almost* having an actual honest conversation! You've made a great job of capturing the anguish and pain of season 3.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Sam! There is so much left unsaid during this time but the payoff will be worth it. :) 

1

I pride myself on not crying over this chapter, but oh dear, it stung so much!.. And with so few words — each of them hit with a double force.
I want to hate it, honestly, as it causes me pain over and over again, but I absolutely love it!
Thank you!

Author's Response: I know it is rough right now but there is hope on the horizon. The pain makes the payoff so much better! Thank you, friend! 

"She had always loved Christmas."
Perfect bookends.

Author's Response: Thanks! 

1

So I've read the whole thing so far (through benihana) and it is all so poetic and beautiful and soul stirring but this is the chapter I need to leave my review because of the very first words. You have managed to capture the feeling I had with my first apartment alone after having lived with and lost the boyfriend I left college with, I had this same epiphany, same sense of freedom and empowerment And loss at same time.

How you have described this spoke to me more than anything else because of how real it felt to me even though it was so long ago.

That said I am awestruck by the way you get at the emotions of all these events with such brilliant writing, descriptions and dialogue. You have a gift and I want to thank you for sharing it with us.

Author's Response:

Thank you for this absolutely beautiful review, Max! I love that it moved you so deeply and I have also experienced something similar years ago, which is certainly what I pulled from. 

Thank you so, so much for your kind words!  

1

I must say, I don’t often feel very deeply, if I am to feel anything at all. And yet, something about the way you write has actually got me feeling sad for Pam. Your written acuity is unparalleled. Keep up the good work.

BlindManCassidy

Author's Response: What a tremendous compliment, BlindManCassidy! Thank you so much! 

Man, this story. I love everything you write more than I could say but this one... this one is special.

"He had only been back a little over a week, and there were a thousand little cracks in the faƧade she rebuilt every day on her drive to work." My heart really breaks for Pam here.

And here... "Their conversation was brief, but when Karen met her eyes confidently as he walked away, there was an implicit declaration in the language of women, a meaningful statement on the symbolism of a baby...and him." I maybe whispered a "Oh, you bitch" to this sentence (okay, to Karen) and then I laughed at myself for letting myself get so involved in the lives of fictional characters.

"Square footage does not lie, and despite his efforts, eventually, their paths crossed." Jesus. This entire paragraph. They haven't even done anything and I'm beside myself and needing one of them to reach out to the other. And when Pam does, with the whole coffee mug thing? Yeah, it's good.

"and as he turned slowly to smirk triumphantly in her direction, shades of him returned to her, vibrant and elusive. Their secret language, understood only by them, was exchanged once more, and she couldn't stop the smile that spread from somewhere deep in reply." This right here is one of my favorite moments in the entire series and I love seeing it play out in this story.

Listen. Listen. Pam may be the painter, but the way you use these words to tell this story? You're the real artist here.

Author's Response:

I say "Oh you bitch" when reading quite often, or is that just me? ;)  I really, really love that you picked up on the baby line. I know that was a deleted scene but Pam's face said it all. 

I always adore hearing your thoughts and they mean more to me than you know.