1 [Report This]Date: May 11, 2023 12:47 pm Title: And So It Goes
Yeah. It’s a series of small and big moments that how Pam knew. It’s about all the little moments. Love doesn’t need some big gesture all the time. Big gestures are lovely and romantic on occasion, but the little moments are even better.
The looks shared, little touches, conversations, and jokes during the 9-5 hours on weekdays were the only way they could connect during the early days. And, of course, the pranks.
Well, making and giving a mixtape- or, well, in this case mix CD- is what people do for their significant other. In a way it was Pam telling him she loves him but wouldn’t admit it and is in denial.
I think Jim always stood up for Pam in subtle ways. Pam was in deep denial at this point. The moment someone takes notice and says something to her… she shuts it down because she doesn’t want to be faced with the truth of her actions.
Pam’s home with Roy is not home to her. It's with Jim.
They were kind of star-crossed lovers, huh? Maybe a little, but they have a happy ending. I am glad they have it. I think it was an inner struggle for Pam during this point. She feels loyalty and obligation to Roy, so she thinks she should stay with him. They have been together for about a decade- give or take. I don't think she knew what love was other than what she had with Roy. As a child, she thought her parents were soulmates, but in that same episode, when she said that line, it's proven not to be the case. It made me wonder if William and Helene’s relationship were similar to Pam and Roy's. I can believe that. Make sense because that is the only relationship or love she has known. She didn't know the difference. She probably thought Roy was her soulmate. Until meeting Jim. When she met him she was confused and discounted it as “oh, he’s just friend. That fluttering feeling means nothing. Roy is my soulmate.” But eventually as time go on I think she something in the back of her head that is telling her that is not the case. That she does love Jim but she push it back. Refusing to acknowledge it. She didn’t have the courage and out of loyalty to Roy. Afraid too and she not a person that big on change. She likes familiarity.
I think in some way Pam wanted Jim to save her and just say it, just say “I am in love with you.” Or at least “Yes, I do have a crush on you.” The Secret episode would have been a good time to just admit it. There times before that where he could have. But I completely understand why Jim didn’t. I mean she was engaged with someone else.
Ahh domestic bliss…
Jim is definitely her home. I truly think graphic design weren’t her thing. I don’t think she failed. It just not her kind of thing. She wants to paint and watercolor and sketch on paper.
Yeah Pam always been in love with him. Probably since the day she met him. Or at least sometimes soon after.
Yeah she just know. This is so good!! Thank you for writing.
1 [Report This]Date: October 03, 2021 08:51 pm Title: And So It Goes
Listen. I just…I don’t have enough words for how this hits so hard. Every scene so perfectly and simply accurate. The full circle (love that this is a reflection but you didn’t hold back on ANY of the emotions) of it all, Pam getting to tell her little sister the reality of her own love story, is too perfect.
So many moments were just fantastic. But how…how did you so precisely capture season 2’s Pam? The one that knows but denies and hides and deflects and justifies and convinces and…How? How do you do all of this magic with words that you do?
I don’t know what this fandom did to deserve you writing THIS fic to THIS song, but I’m not ever going to turn it down. Ever.
Author's Response: You know I love you for this and for reasons I know you appreciate. Thank you so very much for every single word. 😘
1 [Report This]Date: September 25, 2021 08:44 am Title: And So It Goes
Ah, this was so beautiful! (I’m also loving the featured section as I think I missed it before) - this is such a brilliant use of the song for Jim and Pam’s story. I love the way you’ve written their early season pining - the coat and the necklace scenes are just gorgeous, and Jim’s quiet desperation on the rooftop with the meteor shower feels like a perfect pre-Casino Night moment. I also really like the glimpses into Pam’s mindset during all of this, like her noticing all the small protective things that Jim does for her, and the idea of her being just a little bit aware of the physical effect she has on him sometimes, even as she’s telling herself he only dates beautiful women. The ‘how much does Pam know’ always seemed like a bit of a blurry line on the show, and it’s captured so well here. And I loved, loved the continuation of Jim’s party! And then the moment when they’re finally together, and Pam in Jim’s basketball shirt (especially with the basketball scene earlier) is so lovely, as is them reminiscing together on the heartbreak from Booze Cruise. “That I loved you just as much as you loved me” is killer. Then the idea of the umbrella being the talisman after the storms they’d endured later is so perfect. I just loved all of this!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Basscop! I really appreciate how you picked up on all the little contradictions I tried to use to highlight where I think her head was in season two.
1 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2021 09:25 am Title: And So It Goes
These are all incredible but the recollection of Jim’s booze cruise toast and that line “that I loved you just as much as you loved me” legit made my cry. Amazing work as always.
Author's Response: Thank you SO much NLM! I'm always thrilled to hear that something I've put so much time into is enjoyed and evokes an emotion. Honestly, it makes my day so thank you. :)
1 [Report This]Date: June 07, 2021 08:16 pm Title: And So It Goes
I find the common theme with most fluff is that it lacks depth & girl your writing always plunges the very depths of my soul. To simply call it fluff just doesn’t seem to do it justice. I’m not sure what the most fitting term would be, but as far as I’m concerned, you are in a genre all of your own (& it’s the best one that there is).
“and struggled to mentally place him back in the neatly contained partition of her mind where she kept him”
I love a Pam that quietly admits to knowing that there was more going on with Jim than she wanted to openly acknowledge.
“the pull of his gravity drew her in against her will”
So. Much. Chemistry. The same chemistry we see on the screen also leaps off the page when you write the words.
“and times when the pains of stretching and growing had become too much”
This is what I genuinely love about Season 9 & this line. Long term relationships take work. You always paint that is such an achingly beautiful way.
“The planet continued on its path around the sun and time pressed forward with heartless disinterest in their fragile breaths between the markers”
This. Honestly this. How is everything you write this profound? And when are you dropping some sort of philosophical poetry book because I would 1000% be here for it.
Author's Response:
Listen. I know I've told you this numerous times but I really, really love your reviews. And *especially* right now, I want to read them again and again so thank you. They truly remind me that someone out there likes what I put out into the universe and that the whole damn thing is worth it.
Thank you as always, JB! <3
1 [Report This]Date: May 11, 2021 07:42 am Title: And So It Goes
This is bloody brilliant. I am at a loss for words just tears.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much!
1 [Report This]Date: May 10, 2021 06:15 am Title: And So It Goes
Three things I did while reading your story:
1) Walked about 400-500 meters around my living room;
2) Made me three or four cups of tea (I didn't really count);
3) Turned the tea I drunk into tears;
I mean... I'm in awe of you. Of how you put the simple (and not so simple) words together and create something breathtakingly beautiful and deep. How you notice and distinguish all the nuances of human emotions and pass them to us in a form that hits the core and makes us feel. How you just... I don't know, bless us with your talent? I can't find proper words, but I'm deeply grateful to you.
And also have no idea about the song that inspired you, but the way you weaved the lyrics into the story is fantastic.
Thank you so much!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you Dernhelm! I love tea as well, so I can relate! You are always way too nice to me. Thank you for your endless encouragement and thoughtfulness. I appreciate it more than you know. :)
1 [Report This]Date: May 09, 2021 01:25 pm Title: And So It Goes
Ok so this is masterful. Penny's question and Pam's reflection of their relationship was just perfect. That's the thing you've captured here. Real Love, True Love is found in the everyday moments. It's not a Disney fairy tale. It's the cumulation of a life chosen with the person you love. Even pre-camera through S2 parts showed how those moments were building between them. How the feelings grew deeper and stronger once they got together, and how because of that strength they were able to weather the storms of life. Tons of great lines that I'd requote, but I'd probably end up just reposting the whole thing in this review.
Loved this insgight to them. By all means please grace us with something like this whenever the muse comes calling.
Author's Response: Thank you so very much, Warrior. I love that you picked up on the ovearching idea I wanted to convey and that the song also expressed which was the driving motivation. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me!
1 [Report This]Date: May 09, 2021 06:45 am Title: And So It Goes
Lady, I am constantly left in complete awe when you post. The way you take these little moments and build them out into something so pivotal and meaningful and an anchor to their relationship is just gorgeous. And the look into Pam’s mind, with the uncertainty and the certainty and the hesitation and everything, it’s all so perfect. You are one of the most talented writers I have ever seen, thank you so much for sharing yourself with us.
Author's Response: Well, I always covet your reviews because they are so beautifully written so thank YOU for that. You are far too kind to me. :) Thank you so very much, truly.
1 [Report This]Date: May 09, 2021 05:29 am Title: And So It Goes
You have done it again...taken a feeling, mixed it with music and through your added words painted a masterpiece that completely enrapt me.
there were so many bits I loved - I'd be better to write down what didn't affect me - as every word was beautiful.
Still I'll share the things that I highlighted in purple in my mind.
'...traversing the forest of difficulties that life had thrown at them' beautifully said but I also appreciated how you included the line about arguments - reminding us that even in early days after what they had come from they were still a real couple whose first fight didn't happen in season9 - there were likely plenty along the way - but their love would always prevail.
The line about his clothes - it hit me like Pam - that their chemistry overshadowed his fashion faux pas and her committed status leading her to forbidden thoughts too.
There was a kind of magic in the way they communicated without words - the section about that described that perfectly.
The whole dialogue when Jim found the mixtape just tickled me but it was the basketball scene that really was such a delight. As I read it here I saw the look of pride Pam gave Jim as he game started - you've done so well expounding on that look and adding dimension to that whole episode.
The line from when she looked at the yearbook (Roy kissed another guy...) brought such a smile to my face and was so Jim. And the line I've waited years for you - Oh how I love him and you for writing this line for him.
The return from Pratt - the lighting in that scene was something wasn't it - so perfect was your description of it but the way you wrote his support made her decision easier but yet still hers to make was perfectly placed. And how you described his smirk - umm lady.
The drive home, the rooftop and the talk of the stars and the whole bit after booze cruise were all inspired for their realism and dimension.
These lines:
"That I loved you just as much as you loved me."
"The dream that they had composed and written together had become faded and worn, the notes discordant."
"When she had reached her breaking point, when the opposite pull of their dreams had the wire between them so thin it was unraveling, he chose her. He would always choose her."
No words just ...
now I must also say I caught your little nods to the deleted scenes, death of Receptionitis 5, car paid off, and I feel like there was one more that I can't quite remember now ooh yes the speech on booze cruise.
Ok now that I practically wrote a chapter's worth in my review may I just say - I loved it and that song - as I mentioned it's one I see the scenes in my head for them from the very first notes. Right onto my playlist.
Thank you for sharing this.
Author's Response: I love that your highlighter is purple, I just want to say. ;) You hit on so many of my favorite parts and I love that you picked up on all the deleted scenes I tried to include as well as the song lyrics tied in. It's always rewarding when that happens because I spend so much mental energy on them. Thank you so much for your lovely words and thoughtful review!
1 [Report This]Date: May 09, 2021 02:42 am Title: And So It Goes
Oooooooh this was so lovely. Taylor Swift makes the ultimate JAM soundtrack, doesn’t she?! I love how soft and subtle, yet all-encompassing Pam’s little realisations were. It’s true that you just know.
Author's Response: She really does! We have done her entire folklore/evermore albums, she's so good. Thank you for your lovely words! :)
1 [Report This]Date: May 08, 2021 09:57 pm Title: And So It Goes
This place has done wonders for my marriage. I can't possibly count how many times I have gotten up from reading a story here and given hubby a soulful kiss. And bless his Roy-like soul, he never questions or wonders why he gets this unexpected affection. He just likes it.
Tonight, he got lots of unexpected affection. Beautiful BH! Just beautiful!
Author's Response: Haha! I love this so much. Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate you taking to time to read and review. :)
1 [Report This]Date: May 08, 2021 09:10 pm Title: And So It Goes
It’s okay I’m just sobbing
Author's Response: I'm sorry! (But also thank you ;) )
1 [Report This]Date: May 08, 2021 08:30 pm Title: And So It Goes
This is so good. I started picking out favourite lines but there are too many. The feeling of your writing is so beyond mere fluff. You take us into the nuances of the canon bits and give us new scenes and lines to consider too. Beautiful.
Author's Response: Like, I tried to write fluff but I also had to put little angsty bits in there too. It's just who I am I guess. ;) Thank you Sprinkles!
1 [Report This]Date: May 08, 2021 08:07 pm Title: And So It Goes
Can I pay you for this one? I feel like you should be paid for writing this beautiful piece of art. My heart broke, shattered, exploded, swelled, I may or may not have cried while reading this. I couldn't even begin to tell you which parts I loved the most because I would just be reposting the entire fic. I am genuinely thanking you for writing this, you're amazing.
Author's Response: Haha well, just knowing that somebody out there likes it is enough payment, I promise. You are far too kind! Thank you for always reading and letting me know you loved it. It truly means so much. :)
1 [Report This]Date: May 08, 2021 06:17 pm Title: And So It Goes
This was stunning.
“Saying those words aloud, confessing them to Michael of all people, had made it all entirely too real. The walls she had set firmly in the foundation of loyalty to a decade’s old relationship began to chip away and she couldn’t quite explain the gripping disappointment in her chest when he told her he was over it. She also couldn’t quite explain why she had cried in a bathroom stall for twenty minutes.
She had tamped down the flicker of hope, and patched up the hole in the wall before it became any larger in her mind when Michael’s slip of the tongue sent all her work crumbling at her feet again.
When he waited for her, like he always did, and they made their way silently to the elevator, she looked at him anew. They had seamlessly resumed their well-choreographed dance of denial except this time What if? gained dangerous purchase in her heart and she let it linger there.”
I had to quote this entire section because it was so perfect.
“ But as she leaned against his car, the setting sun casting a flattering glow on the building she had come to both loathe and cherish, she realized that when he had given her the choice, the choice inevitably and irresistibly became him. The logical and rational could be argued away, but his unconditional support made it all that much easier. Not that she would tell him that.”
I love the way you described this. It was always about her choice, which, regardless of what she chose, was the point.
That entire section where they talked about the booze cruise was amazing. Gah, I loved this entire thing. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you tinydundie! These are two of my favorite parts as well. We were robbed of so much good content when she came home from Pratt but thankfully we can write about it. ;) Thank you again for reading and reviewing!
1 [Report This]Date: May 08, 2021 05:59 pm Title: And So It Goes
I think you put your finger on something profound here both in generally and with their particular story: as much as we love the big, romantic moments, their love story is mostly about two people whose love is so much more than big moments, but the little things they do because they care about and genuinely like each other every single day.
All these little moments are just fabulous and you can see them so clearly and how they made them both feel, in the little looks and the way that this all sort of sneaks up on Pam without her thinking about it directly, the way it grows organically and they keep stepping just a little bit farther forward. (And acknowledging that IMs might have put a different spin on things for them and kept a lot of their relationship out of sight of the cameras is, I think, a significant part of the story.) Feels very realistic.
I love her slipping the mix CD into his coat and everything she does to kind of hide herself from the import of that moment.
Ooooof. Her buying the necklace with the leftover wedding/waverunner money is instant headcanon... and Jim taking that as cue that he can push the envelope a little bit is perfect.
I also like that you find a second in here to add some context to her relationship with Roy... that the violently jealous side of him was actually something that worked for young Pam feels like useful background (particularly in the context of more terrible Roy behavior being revealed as the story goes on). And the expansion of their time together at the party and seeing into Pam's head while all that was happening is lovely.
Another roof moment... I know it's tropey, but I don't care, I'm a sucker for people telling each other telling each other about astronomy, and the little bit of Pam being aware that she *can* manipulate him with his physical attraction to her if she so chooses is a really interested recast on Season 2.
I was not sure Pam's return from New York could be improved on in fic form. Apparently I was wrong. And I very much love this version of their past told by them after they're together.
You are a poet.
(Also P.S. the YouTube link in the story notes is a little broken... negotiable, but doesn't hyperlink directly.)
Author's Response:
Thank you as always, DJC! I love that you enjoyed so many of my favorite parts, even my highly tropey roof scene (I'm a sucker for roof scenes.)
And thanks for pointing out the broken link. MTT tried to make it an internal link, and I hadn't bothered to double check it. Sorry!