1 [Report This]Date: August 15, 2021 09:54 pm Title: Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me -Bee Gees
First, I thought this was a really solid use of the Jim fax prank! This idea from Jim would fit really easily in canon, and making this thing we already know Jim *must* have been doing canonically crucial to his discovery of Josh's scheme is really good fanfiction.
I also thought you did well with the scheme here. It seems plausibly sinister while still remaining the kind of wrongdoing that just sorta happens to pop up a lot in The Office universe. Like, not a story the SHOW would do, but definitely the sort of thing you can imagine happening in the world it sets up. Very much the kind of thing someone with Josh's ambition might go for, and the sort of thing that would deeply trouble someone trained by Michael Scott.
"Set, match, point, Beesly. Game over. Again." The use of volleyball terms is a nice touch. And also ouch.
The Simon and Garfunkel reference is noted... and also a surprisingly appropriate bar name. Love the shot of midori backstory.
Love seeing a little bit more of the behind-the-scenes stuff here and exploring Jim's friendship with Matt more...
Author's Response:
1 [Report This]Date: August 15, 2021 12:32 pm Title: Feels like there's oceans between me and you once again - Seafret
Okay so I love Michael making The Faces of Scranton companion piece but what I really love is Jim listening in on Pam and Danny. I like how you are setting all these questions up and I can wait to see how it unfolds.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you are interested - there's a bit more than the typical going on here, a couple of classic issues and a few not so much. I'm excited for you to see how they come together.
Thanks as always for the review.
1 [Report This]Date: August 13, 2021 01:51 pm Title: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody love you like I do- Ed Sheeran
Do you know, I might forgive you on the double Ed because, again, the lyrics work well here, and I’d go as far as saying this song is one of the more bearable ones. (If Pam had started thinking about being in love with the shape of Jim’s body or loving him till she was 70, on the other hand…)
This is such a great look into Pam’s mindset and why she didn’t call Jim - and her getting her hopes up and him not calling after the convention, just….oooof. I hadn’t even thought about that, and the way you’ve written it, and the 203 thing, is just gut-wrenching. I also really love that we got some more of her conversation with drunk Jim hehe, the gobble gobble gickle bit is amazing. I’m greatly enjoying the multiple phone conversations and seeing more from her POV to start piecing together what’s going on, too. Can’t wait for more!
Author's Response:
NO more Ed I promise!!!!
Yeah - it worked well that Xerox is based in 203 area code like Jim - let me pile on the angst.
Glad you liked getting more drunk Jim - lots of fun to write.
Yeah - they're both having it rough.
Thanks for coming along on this one - it's always fun to see us on same page with lots as we both update.
Thanks too for your great reviews.
1 [Report This]Date: August 12, 2021 10:07 pm Title: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody love you like I do- Ed Sheeran
Great chapter, ouch.
I might be alone on this but I feel like The Convention is actually where Jim learned she was single. Maybe I don't have as much faith in the self-absorbed and rather clueless Dunder Mifflinites, heh.
*Jim was never the type to stand on principle. She thought he’d have gotten in touch even just to see how she was doing because he was her friend. The fact that he hadn’t, told her that he might not even be that anymore.*
This is a great observation and a really nice reason for Pam's hesitancy to call him, actually.
*This raspy voice she heard had the kind of deep throaty tone she could only assume drove men wild, especially when it was calling out their names and even though it sounded a touch angry, it had an ownership behind it, as if she had full possession of him.*
WOW if this isn't a perfect description of Karen's voice!
(Also, this isn't aimed at you but just in general... does Pam ever call Jim "Halpert" in canon? I'm honestly trying to recall)
This is just a fantastic angst-fest, I'm really enjoying it!
Author's Response:
Worked very hard on getting Karen right so thanks for the vote of confidence in that.
I hit you offline with the reference to Pam and the use of Halpert - still can only find the one instance in The Carpet when on one of the VM's she says Suck on That Halpert. But it's my head canon that she uses it more. SO more angsty that she hears the mystery voice using it.
Thanks as always for your reviews. Always great to get your thoughts.
1 [Report This]Date: August 12, 2021 06:50 pm Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
Ugh, you have me super intrigued here. I love the dream sequence he had with Michael, the phone call, him THINKING ABOUT HER ALL WEEK?! ugh. LOVED THIS Max!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review. This will be an interesting journey both in the JAM story and what's going on in Stamford.
Glad you are coming along and thanks for writing.
Date: August 12, 2021 11:39 am Title: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody love you like I do- Ed Sheeran
Oh Pam, deep in the times of hurt and heartache to be sure. Then gets even more by none other than Jim telling her Scranton is closing down and on the call back some other woman's voice on his phone. They're really deep in the weeds of angst right now. Makes me wonder how it will all resolve. Really good insight into Pam's mind here though.
Author's Response:
Thanks Warrior - Yeah they are both going through some rough waters. And we all know sometimes it gets rougher before it settles down.
Thanks as always for the reviews and compliments. Means a lot.
1 [Report This]Date: August 12, 2021 11:28 am Title: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody love you like I do- Ed Sheeran
Ooooooof. What an awful gut punch for Pam. I thought the way the POV worked out here was really cool though - giving us a sense of what the hell is going on with all of these confusing phone calls without having to reveal them to Jim, and why Pam is taking the actions she's taking from her own perspective.
Author's Response:
Yes, thanks for your advice to split up the POVs - I think it worked well this way too.
Of course thanks for the added reviews on this one too.
You've been a huge help with this one.
1 [Report This]Date: August 12, 2021 06:10 am Title: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody love you like I do- Ed Sheeran
Noooooooooooo! (that's all I have to say about this chapter)
Author's Response:
Pam having a hard go of things right now. right when she thought things were starting to look up.
Excited for you to see where we go from here.
Thanks for the review.
1 [Report This]Date: August 11, 2021 07:31 am Title: We keep this love in a photograph - Ed Sheeran
*He’d gone long enough without a romantic connection both mentally and physically and while she’d never be Pam, she could be just the thing to help him rebound. He knew he could continue to let her be his antiseptic, let her temporarily block the pain for as long as they were both employed in the same town but did he want to be that guy? A who made promises with his body he had no intention of keeping.*
Ohhh, this is so good. You summed it up nicely.
Love your drunk Jim, and wow, poor Pam and that gut punch at the end.
Author's Response:
Thanks - drunk Jim was a lot of fun. And yeah both of them are going through some rough times huh.
Thanks for coming along on this one and sharing your reviews.
Date: August 10, 2021 04:46 am Title: We keep this love in a photograph - Ed Sheeran
We need more drunk Jim in your writing please, Max. It's awesome.
It was a bit of a slow start for me, but getting more into this as the chapters continue.
Author's Response: Drunk Jim is a hoot. Too bad he remembers so little of what happens when he drinks (at least consciously)
Date: August 10, 2021 04:44 am Title: Feels like there's oceans between me and you once again - Seafret
I love that you went with the whole "Faces of Scranton" theme and the detail you put into that. Definitely starting to feel the story opening up.
Author's Response:
For one it was how I tied to story back to the song lyrics- but it was also fun.
Glad you enjoyed it.
1 [Report This]Date: August 10, 2021 04:42 am Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
I am torn on this a bit, I always struggle a bit with 'Dark Times' stories as I'm like "get it fixed and put them together already!" but I absolutely get how and where you're going with this so I know I just need to be patient. As ever (like I have to even say it by know) exemplary writing. :)
Author's Response:
Thanks - sorry to have to bum you out Jim's mindset here but it's all part of setting the scene for the story - yes patience - even though there may be some rough stuff still to come.
You are too kind - thanks for being my cheerleader.
1 [Report This]Date: August 10, 2021 03:11 am Title: We keep this love in a photograph - Ed Sheeran
Haha, I am prepared to overlook the Ed Sheeran because this chapter is so great. And I have to admit the lyrics work very well here. (Damn you, Ed Sheeran). Ugh, Jim looking at Pam’s page, and the pictures of her as a kid and when she first started at Dunder Mifflin versus now…so painful. And so good. (Also lol at Michael’s comments about Pam). And then the phone call! Your drunk Jim is very fun - I enjoyed him getting confused about the Michael kissing too, and Michael struggling to find Pam’s car - but that was brutal, at the end. And explains why Pam got so drunk. Can’t wait for more!
Author's Response:
Yeah but there's more - you'll see - don't hate me.
I get the appeal of writing drunk Jim - had a good time there.
Poor Pam is right.
Thanks for reviewing. Always a treat to hear from you.
1 [Report This]Date: August 08, 2021 06:34 pm Title: We keep this love in a photograph - Ed Sheeran
Oh, I *adore* the pictures from Pam's youth here. Really creatively done, really easy to picture. And how the ones from her time at Dunder Mifflin also take Jim on a journey through their relationship together.
(I also love that Creed has a bunch of pictures from his youth. Makes sense, we know he's still close with his parents!)
Oooooof. I'm glad you enjoyed writing this Drunk!Jim call, because, just, ouch. Poor Pam. This is so much worse than him just responding to the text. What a gut punch of a night, no wonder she promptly went out drinking.
Author's Response:
Thanks so much- the lyrics inspired the pictures but the characters inspired the details. Glad you enjoyed them.
Drunk Jim - fun to write but side effects well - you know.
Thanks for your continued praise and help.
Date: August 08, 2021 05:22 pm Title: We keep this love in a photograph - Ed Sheeran
Oh Drunk Jim, yeah that's a big thing you did there. Which speaks to a lot of the self loathing Sober Jim must be feeling right now. How he had to go spill the beans about everything and also bring up Karen at the same time. Oof.
More heartache while he's looking at all of her pictures too. Really good look into his mindset here that's for sure.
Author's Response:
Yeah drunk Jim is fun for us but not good for him.
Thanks so much as always.
1 [Report This]Date: August 06, 2021 10:57 am Title: Feels like there's oceans between me and you once again - Seafret
You did a good job in this chapter making it clear where Josh's uber-professionalism can make him kind of a jackass, and also where one might actually *enjoy* working with Michael Scott a lot more, warts and all. (And of course, putting it in the context of Jim having new reason to be skeptical of him.)
I always really liked this book, and especially the very Michael detail of putting Jim's decapitated head in the picture. (Shades of Ed Truck.)
I'm enjoying this unspooling of the past few weeks - the way you establish Jim's unhappiness in Stamford and the build back to its roots, his disenchantment with Josh, his discombobulation and continued heartbreak over Pam. There's some good groundwork being laid down here for the future... and that future... looks good.
WEST SIDE STORY
Author's Response:
The book was kind of the biggest plot device to work in the photos from the song so glad to know it was something you enjoyed. I almost took the time to create a page for the artwork but found it a lot of extra work so I kept it simpler.
Thanks again so much for reviewing. After all your beta help earlier it's still nice to get additional comments.
Oh and glad the West Side Story line was a hit for you.
Many thanks again.
1 [Report This]Date: August 05, 2021 10:15 pm Title: Feels like there's oceans between me and you once again - Seafret
* The world around him didn’t suddenly become ten times brighter when she was near. He didn’t crave her smile and feel weak when she laughed. There wasn’t that feeling of giddiness and completeness around Karen, not like there had been from almost the minute he met Pam.*
This is beautiful.
I love that you’re working in Jim’s disillusionment with Josh, something they hinted at but didn’t really delve into on the show.
And Danny Cordray is a fun S3 (retcon?) wrinkle… really curious to see how you deal with those two!
Author's Response:
Never saw the appeal of Danny - he's so not my type. Not sure I really bought the retcon of them in the show but I figured Pam's state of mind combined with her state of drunkness could sell it a bit more.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts - always enjoy seeing what stood out for you.
1 [Report This]Date: August 05, 2021 01:41 pm Title: Feels like there's oceans between me and you once again - Seafret
Ooh I’m really enjoying the intrigue here, and the little hints about what might have happened - I do want to know what Jim overheard, and what’s happening with Karen! I liked the look into how the Stamford office is run, and the contrast between that and Scranton (and obviously, Jim’s nostalgia for the latter). Josh also seems pretty terrible here, although that may be my bias against other people sneering at Michael/Scranton. And then Jim’s call to Pam! And her almost confession - I can totally buy Pam and the open phone line after that s5 episode too, lol. You’ve captured Jim’s jealousy and protectiveness over Danny Cordray really well, I really just wanted him to drive to her. And then another dream at the end…I’m loving this!
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for all your great comments. I enjoy keeping a little mystery about things that have happened or are to come (I see that in your style too).
Yeah, Josh - while in reality wasn't all that bad on show - happens all the time leveraging and playing things out for the best offer although they painted him to be kind of a bad guy in end.
I took that little bit and expanded - a lot but that's to come.
Jim too has his side that can be serious but deep down he's much more Scranton than Stamford.
Date: August 04, 2021 07:26 am Title: Feels like there's oceans between me and you once again - Seafret
So Jim is calling Pam back after being drunk the night of Diwalli but hears Danny hitting on her so goes and makes out with Karen? Something like that? I know this is kind of non-linear and all so I'm sure the intent is to be a bit vaugue. Mission accomplished.
The big feeling is that Jim is still feeling off-kilter. He's clearly not happy with how his professional or personal life is going. Josh is showing signs of disloyalty and downright arrogance towards Micheal and Scranton. Along with the lazer like focus of Stamford to get stuff done, it feels very much like Jim is just being tossed about here. Even when he brings up a good point like Scranton out sells Stamford.
Despite everything his heart still belongs to Pam. The fact he filters having Dwight to prank wouldn't be as fun without Pam there to enjoy it is proof enough without him listening in on her phone call.
Really not liking Danny. Slick opportunist he is making a move on Pam when she's drunk and clearly upset? Yeah I don't blame Jim for getting upset. Though what a sober Pam has to say about that remains to be seen.
So a few questions answered but more have arisen. Looking forward to the next instalment to be sure.
Author's Response:
Well you are an expert so I'd expect no less from you but I think you may be onto something however there is more than that.
As for all the other comments - well again you know your stuff. Jim is out of place, in a rough spot and no matter what cannot get Pam from his thoughts.
And Danny - blech- I never even liked his look but I guess he might have been a ego-boost when Pam needed one (in the show) but certainly not my type so was a little hard to write him as a catch. But no, not one you're meant to like.
Many thanks for coming along on this spin in Stamford and sharing your thoughts.
1 [Report This]Date: August 02, 2021 03:06 pm Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
Ooh this was so interesting - I love the use of dreams here. The entire opening sequence with Michael was so well-written, and I really enjoyed the little nods to truths about each of the characters (Pam and the ghosts! And Phyllis and the burlesque dancing and evocative poetry was so spot on). Also Dwight actually declining without Jim there to spur him along is genius. You’ve captured Jim’s early S3 mindset so well (and painfully) too, the way he can’t stop going back to Pam and the agony it causes him (and I think that little hint of Jim finding out about Danny too, which makes it even more heart-breaking). Can’t wait to read more!
Author's Response:
Thanks so much - that dream while inspired by the song lyrics kept expanding as I wrote (and as new episodes of OL came out - not sure if you caught the reference that I got from there).
Yeah, I have to imagine this had to be the time where Jim was at his lowest and glad that came across.
Thanks again.
1 [Report This]Date: August 02, 2021 05:07 am Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
Yay! You published this story! I have to say, I love the dream/fantasy theme, and I'm here for this.
It's always sad to see Jim's misery (by the way, I truly like the 'poison' metaphor you used describing that kiss — yeah, sometimes it's better not to know...), but it was funny that it was Michael who visited Jim's dreams. His subconsciousness chose a peculiar form to speak to him.
I'm curious where you will take this! Thank you for writing!
Author's Response:
Yes- it took me a while to get it up (TWSS). Dreams are so fascinating to me and I was glad the song lyrics pointed me in that direction - not only was it fun to put Michael in there with him but I really like exploring the subconscious mind in this way.
I've got to think this was the lowest point for our poor Jim so as sad as it was, I had to.
Thanks for coming along and the review.
1 [Report This]Date: August 01, 2021 06:13 pm Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
*By the time they hung up, he was a kid on a swing, adrenaline pulsing, so high up the chains rattled, hands gripped tight to keep himself airborne. But the high was short-lived and soon he was grounded again, this time plummeting from a height he foolishly pumped himself up to. This time the impact upon landing was near catastrophic.*
This is gorgeous.
*Funny how once she was the reason he looked forward to work and now work was what he threw himself into to escape thoughts of her.*
What a great observation.
Loved the use of dreams to convey Jim's headspace, really curious to see where you take this one. (I'm working on some S3 stuff myself, haha.. we seem to be in each other's heads lately!)
Author's Response:
So I love to hear the parts that resonate with readers, especially when they were parts I worked hard to perfect. I think I wrote and rewrote that section a half dozen times so yeah....
And we know it wasn't a love of paper that kept him around all those years.
Yeah, for me dreams are fascinating so I enjoyed writing that part.
We do seem to be circling - but this one for me is mostly done (some tweaks to each chapter before they go up but the story is complete) and I've gone back to season 2 for the next one (my excuse for avoiding the Season 5 chapter I need to get to for AFD)
Always a thill so get your reviews - thanks so much.
1 [Report This]Date: August 01, 2021 08:33 am Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
Ooh I like this. I think you did a good job foreshadowing the dream element and I'm intrigued where this goes differently!
Author's Response:
Thanks Comfect. Glad you liked it. I think you will be somewhat surprised although it will still include some of the familiar too.
Hope it continues to intrigue.
1 [Report This]Date: August 01, 2021 04:11 am Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
This is such an interesting premise for season 3 and I love the dreams. I’ve always appreciated the use of dreams as literary device to examine fears and for foreshadowing and I love your use of them here.
“But mostly it hadn’t cleansed him of the taste of her lips, lips that he should never have sampled because as they say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
The harm of that small taste was like a poison that entered his body and set up camp, refusing to leave even so many months later.” Love this whole section but imagery is fantastic.
I’m looking forward to see where you take this story!
Author's Response:
Yes, this will be a bit different. You'll still recognize some tropes and the characters will hopefully still feel true but this story is not what what we saw on the show.
As I mentioned I have always been fascinated by dreams and was inspired by the song lyrics but the use of dreams to really explore ideas and feelings is open and freeing (am I making sense?).
You were not the only one who pointed out that line - and yeah it was one of my favorites too.
I'm excited you'll be along on the journey - your thoughts always mean a lot to me.
1 [Report This]Date: July 31, 2021 06:00 pm Title: This Man He Talked to Me - One Republic
Yayyyyyyy!!! The PRESENT look good!
So I feel like you mostly know what I think about this, BUT:
I really enjoy the case Dream!Michael makes here for him actually being the cause of Scranton's success, and about the little tidbits he's absorbed about his "family." Mostly I tend to think of Scranton's success as being incidental/coincidental/plot-driven, but this is a perspective that makes me think. And I very much share the sense of how a lot of the tensions between Jim and Dwight, for instance, end up being ultimately more productive than you'd think.
"But how could it save him, if it was one-sided?" OUCH.
The image of Michael solemnly delivering this valuable advice while doing the Booze Cruise dance cracks me up every time.
"The harm of that small taste was like a poison that entered his body and set up camp, refusing to leave even so many months later." I thought you did well with the lingering impact of Casino Night here... especially given, you know, developments. You capture his hesitance well, and how much he's wrestling with himself over things like fabric softener reminding him of her.
I really like the image of the two Jims fist-fighting each other here... and again, the little notes of how Pam aside, Jim doesn't quite *fit* in Connecticut.
(The ending is good foreshadowing, too...)
Author's Response:
Yeah, it took me a while to post I know but well you know...
First off, I never cold have completed this one without you so OH SO MANY THANKS for being my beta here. It really made a huge difference.
The dream sequence - yeah some of it was out there but I did want to offer up that perspective that sometimes you a little lighthearted fun goes a long way (not so much as Michael's brand but a little)...a lifetime ago when I worked in advertising, we had a bullpen of our own where it felt a lot like Romper Room (you might need to look this reference up) but it was where the creatives went to unwind when they got stuck.
Yeah, glad you enjoy that little slapstick bit -I rather enjoyed it too - and it is yet another thing that in a small way ties my stories together (Lucky Penny).
Great minds they say - you are not the only one who appreciated that line and I'm so pleased.
How better to illustrate the internal struggles within your own mind - and Connecticut not really the place for him (not sure if Andy was quite what I think of either and least in his goofiness but I tried to point that out too here)
Anyway - THANK YOU again for this and all the reads and reviews.