Hm. Okay, in the interest of improving fanfic, I have a couple of suggestions.

First, drop the ALL CAPS. They never work. No. Just...don't. Too distracting. When you post stories here, you have three other options available (bold, italic, underlined). Use them.

I can't see Jim bursting into tears of anger. Not in this scenario, anyway.

One thing kept bothering me all through this, and I finally figured out what it was: too many passive constructions. Go back and do a search for how many times you use the word "was", or a variation of the verb "to be". Use of the passive verb distances you from your story and your reader.  Contrast, for example, "Jim's frustration was echoing.." with "Jim's frustration echoed..." The latter is more immediate and direct.

"I contemplated all kinds of methods to get to you" just does not sound like Pam. Too formal and stilted for her, especially when she's pissed.

All the angels, with their trials of this love, and their obstacles that would test the faith of anyone, finally smiled down on these two who were so in love, there was mark in heaven for them. 

Oh, dear. No. This is just too treacly an image for these two. Sorry. Also, the last part of that sentence makes no sense.

I think this should have had maybe another draft. Just my opinion, though, and certainly worth as much as you paid for it--nothing.

Good luck. 

8

I liked this. Your prose was really beautiful. But for a little bit of constructive criticism, I thought Jim and Pam were a little too wordy to be really in-character. And I think the capitalizing the words during their fight was a little bit much, and kind of bothered me on the formatting side, enought to kind of take me out of the story.
But otherwise, this was really good.