1

This really should've been part of Season 3.

10

SO SO SO good. Really good. Really Brilliant! Wow. Sounding incoherant here -- but I loved it! The boat atthe very end sinking... VERY appropriate! Will review again once I sound like less of a tool! ;)

10

She wants him to understand this, that it's not his fault but that it is. And that it's Roy's, too. And hers. Or that it's nobody's -- just a string of fate that knotted itself together until, finally, no one was able to pull their thread free without getting hurt. But she's still knotted with him, despite the pain, and needs him to know this more than anything else.

This is one of the best descriptions of their situation I've read (and I've read a lot!). What a beautiful, quiet piece that says so much so simply. She is still afloat- she's stronger than we give her credit for, I think, and she'll be the one who holds on to her hope in Jim just like she held on as long as she could to her dream of Roy. At least this time her determination is not misguided! Great job!

There are some really lovely things about this story, and the tone overall is wonderful. I love the description of the boat race, and the paragraphs after Pam says she's sorry are really pure and precise; I'm not sure I've seen that written out so well before. She wants to tell him this is what she's sorry for -- not for the choice she made in trying so hard to be loyal to a promise long since regretted, but for what it did to him when he asked her to break it. -- that's just perfect.

The only thing that marrs the story for me is that it's rather murky in places. I had no idea when the story was meant to be set, because it could have been in S2, or even earlier than that, and it took me all the way until the end to figure out it was set in the current time. That made it hard to know what was going on underneath their conversation. The timeline could have been established either in the headers or, better, with some subtle hints in the beginning.

Second, the confused POV at the end is really jarring. You jump between Pam and Jim's thoughts very quickly, and because lines like "He had no right to ask that of her" mean something different depending on who's thinking them, that's a problem for the reader if it isn't clear which POV we're in. I personally prefer a limited third-person POV, and I would suggest picking just one character's POV to tell the story from, probably Pam's because I think she has the most interesting insights, and cutting out the other character's thoughts, just for clarity's sake.

I really enjoyed this story overall, and I hope my critique isn't offensive -- I'm only making suggestions because I think this story has a lot of promise and I'd love to see you bring that out more fully. 

Okay. So this might be the most perfect dialogue to ever occur between Pam and Jim in post season two finale fic:

"Your boat sunk."
"But look -- You're still afloat."

So amazing. I read it and just thought, "YESSSS. Exactly." This whole fic was just so perfectly in character and beautifully written.  

10

This is really a gorgeous story.  Sad to see the HMS Beesly sink!

This was so heartbreakingly real:

"You told me you loved me months before my wedding," she says a little too earnestly, knowing she sounds argumentative and wishing she didn't.

Jim smiles darkly. "There's never a good time to tell somebody you love them when they don't want to hear it."

"Still, you could've told me before we paid the caterers." Pam bites her lip, knowing it's not funny.   

10

This is really lovely. I especially loved this - "She wants to tell him this is what she's sorry for -- not for the choice she made in trying so hard to be loyal to a promise long since regretted, but for what it did to him when he asked her to break it."

What a perfect way to describe it. Great work.

Also, this is what I've learned from this website and OfficeTally: Office fans have generally wonderful taste in music!