Date: January 24, 2008 09:55 pm Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
You wannabe Angela.
Wheeee! Yes, go there.
And you're right - anger isn't easy to write - the pacing has to be right. The pacing on these is good - at the end of each, I nodded and took a deep breath and imagined Jim did the same.
I'm favoriting this in the hope that you'll write another installment. No pressure ;)
Date: January 24, 2008 09:46 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
Um, awesome? I've been wanting to read your stuff for a while, and I'm really into Dark!Office right now, so I was psyched that you'd written some. I especially like this:
That is our daily little moment when she is totally oblivious to me and I am totally hyper-aware that she is going to be sucking my dick for the next five minutes and then she's going to look up and say "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" Yeah.
Yeah.
8 [Report This]Date: June 24, 2007 08:41 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
Absolutely fascinated by this writing. I've noticed that it's been a while since a new chapter was added, but I've also read your review responses and how it this is a difficult thing for you to take on. (Bravo, by the way, for taking on the unfamiliar) I'm hoping that you haven't written a new segment in a while because you are still working on one. I am also hoping that you are not deterred by things ended this season. I am doing a lot of hoping, I know. I just love character studies and investigations to how people really feel and behave. And this just piqued my curiosity so much.
7 [Report This]Date: May 13, 2007 05:15 pm Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
This is different, and very interesting. I can't wait to read more.
Date: May 08, 2007 09:54 am Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
Aw come on, you have to keep going with this! You can't just let it end there with Angry Bitter Jim. Let Jim find real closure...or, better yet, let Jim find a life where he won't need closure from Pam. Please?
Date: April 10, 2007 09:59 pm Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
Holy hell. Thank you "story of the moment" box. This NEEDS to continue, it is so dirty and wrong and true to life! This is how people think, no metaphors and sweet daydreams...I know I curse in my head...and out loud, but that is besides the point.
I love this Mugs, more more more!
Author's Response: Heh, PamPongChamp, thanks so much. I will write more but this isn't the easiest stuff in the world for me to get my head around. I do have most of the next chapter thought out. Now I just need to talk to about a dozen guys to get their perspecitive on it.
9 [Report This]Date: March 12, 2007 11:40 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
I really like "dark Jim" fics and while this one is a tad squirmish something about it resonates as the way guys really think when they let themselves go there.
Author's Response: Thank you faroutski, I'm really trying to see how far Jim is willing to go. I'm building up to writing my next chapter.
Date: March 09, 2007 05:54 am Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
This story. I feel like it was a good idea, and it could have been done well. And to a certain extent, it has been done well. But I think it's also a bit of overkill in terms of the Jim POV. Jim's not THAT much of an angry guy, and also I think the middle paragraph bit with the chain and the sex scenario is...a bit much.
I don't know, maybe it's just my personal view of Jam and how it should be, but every time I read this I think "overkill" and...yeah. I'll be more articulate later in the day...
Also, I think it'd be interesting if you tried to write something other than Really!Angry!Jim, maybe Weary!Jim or something a little less angry as this. Anger is easy to write; I think it'd be interesting to see you stretch your boundaries a little and write some emotion other than anger.
Author's Response:
Hmmm...this is difficult to respond to because I'm not sure where you're coming from. I went to read your other reviews to see if this was standard for you and was unhappy to see that this was your only review. My story must have really disappointed you for you to go to the trouble of writing such a lengthy review.
I agree that I think it is overkill and a bit much. When I asked my guy friends what they thought when they saw a pretty girl who broke their heart playing with a gold necklace, I thought their answers were overkill and a bit much. So it's realistic as far as I could make it.
I found it offensive that you said "Anger is easy to write I think it'd be interesting to see you stretch your boundaries a little and write some emotion other than anger." Wow. So wrong. So dismissive. So smug. First, anger is not easy for me to write. For you, maybe, yes. I don't know. Second, "stretch my boundaries a little"? That's why I'm writing this story in the first place. To stretch my boundaries. . Third, "write some emotion other than anger." Ummm...so you haven't read any of my other stories, have you?
My advice: you're articulate. Keep using that to write your own stuff. But I highly recommend you not write any more reviews. This is a website where people give their writing for free to people like you...and you are insulting someone who gave you a gift.
I am unfortunate in that I didn't read your stuff before this so I can't comment on your works. I think I will have to wait a few weeks before doing so, since I would feel judgmental rather than read it as someone looking for entertainment. However, if you would like me to analyze your work in a manner similar to your "I'm a Creative Writing Professor giving you pointers and grading your work", let me know.
Date: March 04, 2007 02:14 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
Whew - I too am drawn in as soon as I see "dark" and "Jim" in a story description. This is good - shockingly realistic. When you're being honest, everyone turns into this person sometimes in their lives. The only downside to this story? The chapters are too short. :) Please keep it coming!
Author's Response:
Too short! I agonized over these chapters! It took me days to write this stuff! Aaauuughh!
I asked all my guy friends what they would be thinking in Jim's situation and then wrote what they said. So it's as real as I can get it. As a girl, I'd just like to say that I think guys think about sex waaaay too much. Every. single. guy.Every single one had a sex scenario involving gold necklaces. Explain that to me please?
Date: March 04, 2007 11:40 am Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
Please update soon. This story is very good. It's like Jim just finally flipping and letting it all out. I love it. I totally get why your boyfriend likes this story best. It's just very... real. Anyway, yeah, update soon.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I like the idea of Jim flipping out in a very controlled and quiet way...on paper that he will burn seconds later. I can not imagine him EVER telling anyone these private thoughts. Thank you for reviewing!
Date: March 04, 2007 09:21 am Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
Haha, I'm loving this (did you know that you could so easily draw me into a story by calling it dark!Jim? ;) I especially love in the first chapter when he keeps talking about how he thinks about her licking his cock. Jim's a guy so, yes, that's probably very true.
Author's Response: DinkinFlicka WOW! Thank you for reviewing. I just want you to know that one day when I'm feeling very brave and drunk on wine...I will read your stuff. I know your stuff is supposed to be AWESOME but jeez even the titles scare the hell out of me! I've never really written dark!Jim before or dark!anything for that matter. It's just a little practice exercise to hopefully improve myself as a writer. Talking about sex is also very hard for me,.. If you read any of my other stuff, you'll see I'm a very big fan of the fadeout just when it starts to get interesting... Thank you again and don't tell my Mom I wrote this!
Date: March 04, 2007 09:12 am Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE
Date: March 04, 2007 07:11 am Title: Chapter 2 - Her stupid necklace
Wow, wow, wow. This is all kinds of good. But you know, it's not REALLY Dark!Jim. It's Inner!Jim, and totally understandable. I love both chapters of this, and hope for more.
Author's Response: This is THE darkest thing I have ever written. And I've been a professional writer for ten years. My personality is just more like Kelly's, you know? So I have to think and think and think and talk to guys and more guys and more guys before I can write this stuff. It's really hard. (TWSS)
Date: February 13, 2007 01:10 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
Gah! I love this. Please write more!
7 [Report This]Date: January 10, 2007 10:09 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
This is definitely one of my more favorite ideas I've heard recently. I'm looking forward to further installments into the subtle sexual innuendo between the two of them.
Author's Response: There will be future installments but they will be slow and intermittent. This is an exercise for me in writing angry. I'm not very good at it. Now comedy...I can write comedy all day long!
8 [Report This]Date: January 10, 2007 10:01 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
wow.. great stream-of-consciousness writing. have to agree with the other reviewers, it really does sound like it could be one of the interviewees in BI! really great stuff!
Author's Response:
Well it looks like I should read Brief Interviews with Hideous Men! Sounds like an interesting book!
Date: January 10, 2007 08:39 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
Ooh, good point, beruco. I couldn't put my finger on it, but yes, it did remind me of BI. Don't know if I hear this in Jim's voice, but it was spot on for the voice of one of the Hideous Men.
Author's Response: I wasn't too worried about Jim's voice because the only voice we hear is the public one that he's using to court Pam. We never hear his thoughts so after interviewing several guys about how a guy thinks this is what I got. If you want to see me trying to do Jim voice, please read my other story 'Attack of the Dress'.
Date: January 10, 2007 07:52 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
This was so funny! I actually laughed out loud at this line - "When he says "fact." I just immediately react with "I'm taking him down NOW."
Date: January 10, 2007 07:51 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
The stream of conciousness in the 4th/5th paragraphs remind me of Brief Interviews with Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace. Not quite at that level, but definitely the same style. Especially this line:
Every time with that spoon and I immediately think "She's licking my cock"
<3
Date: January 10, 2007 07:32 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Her stupid spoon
lol, this was funny and hot at the same time. loved it.