Reviews For The Mixed Tape
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Reviewer: ftmill16 Signed 10 [Report This]
Date: April 03, 2011 08:51 pm Title: Everyday Love

I know this story is pretty old but I still wanted to say how great I think it is. Also, for being insecure about Jim and Pam's banter you did a truly amazing job with it. It seriously sounds to me just the way they banter on the show. For not being sarcastic or witty, you write sarcasm and wit extremely well. ReALLY GREAT JOB WITH THIS!

Reviewer: FlonkertonChamp Signed 10 [Report This]
Date: September 01, 2009 04:06 pm Title: Everyday Love

me likey :o)

Jim started to put down the receiver when she added, "Oh and my back hurts, you make dinner tonight."

Click.


that made me giggle.

Reviewer: Emilys List Anonymous [Report This]
Date: September 02, 2007 07:38 pm Title: Miss America

Wow. This is really depressing! But I think it's a great example of how dark Jim can be. The last line is phenomenal.

Reviewer: Token Signed 7 [Report This]
Date: May 04, 2007 09:17 pm Title: Miss America

Wonderfully heartbreaking... the dark side of Jim is captivating!

Reviewer: JRAddict Signed [Report This]
Date: April 30, 2007 08:39 am Title: Everyday Love

I think this is so cute.  I loved how Jim switched it up on the phone when Dwight called him out...I don't know why but I did

 

I hope you'll continue! 

Reviewer: StarShine Signed 9 [Report This]
Date: April 25, 2007 10:04 pm Title: Everyday Love

This is too cute. I don't like country music, but I think I have to break that rule for this song. seriously, very cute, very well written!

Reviewer: rulesofjinx Signed [Report This]
Date: April 25, 2007 05:10 pm Title: Everyday Love

i think you did a good job with the banter. it was very sweet and believable. and what's not to love about pregnant jam? :) great job. 

Reviewer: Too Late Kev Signed [Report This]
Date: April 25, 2007 01:06 pm Title: Everyday Love

I think it's nice.  Since you really want constructive criticism, I'll go through with a fine-tooth comb.  I didn't find too much wrong, certainly, and remember, these are my opinions only.

There literally was no way he could love her any more. You want to be really careful with the word "literally".  Love is subjective, and "literally" is such an objective word, so to me, they don't go together.

he always burnt them - I think the past tense verb is "burned" and once you've burned the waffles, they are burnt.  (Burned a verb, burnt an adjective.)  Wouldn't bet my life, but I think that's the case.

But apparently she did it in a "special" way. - This last sentence of this paragraph doesn't fit as well, I think.  It seems like the "voice" of the paragraph is switching from Jim to Pam, but then the "apparently" just seems to not fit.  I know I'm not describing it well, but maybe something like: But he insisted that she did it in a "special" way would work?

As much as I like allusions to pregnancy, you have a lot of them in here.  He thought he should let her sleep, they needed a sandbox (way too early BTW if she hasn't even had the baby!), she hugs him and she's further away.  I would go with something simpler, like specifically saying why she's sleeping later.  Otherwise, it's kind of cutesy and heavy-handed (Have you figured out she's pregnant yet?  Now have you?)

All the way from the penguin joke to the hormones I really like a lot.  It's a typical moment, too, to deliver the waffles or whatever that you've just prepared for the other.  Mr. Kev and I do that all the time. 

Normally, I don't like music lyrics in stories, but yours work beautifully.  I think you've kept them short enough and pertinent as well, which is not the case in many stories.  So, kudos there, to make that look good to me, when I don't usually like it!

I thought it was not very realistic to have Pam home for 5 weeks before she's due, especially since it's clear from Michael she's planning to come back to work. In my experience, women tend to work until there's a valid reason from the doctor to stop, otherwise they aren't likely to get paid for maternity leave.  Even if you end up quitting after, you still get paid for the maternity leave  I know it differs from state to state and company to company, but still...  I digress, but my point is, you may want to say something like "in the last month since the doc signed off on her disability".  (Say it better than that, though, because that's not great.)  Also, unless you have a scheduled C-section, babies are often a couple weeks late.  Few people stop work so early.  

that creeps me out so bad - I would try "that totally creeps me out"; I think it's more Pam-like.  (Again, IMO.)

"I brought dinner." is fine, but it would be cuter/more Jim-like (?) if it were "I made dinner." or "Jim Halpert's Chinese Cuisine" or something with a little more oomph.  (Hey, how's that for specific?)  Other than that, the whole arriving home section is just lovely and sweet.

So, there you go.  Next time, you could say, "let me know of any problems you found... except you, Too Late Kev." and I'll know to shut... it (/Michael). 



Author's Response:

Holy freakin cow.  Can I first say thank you for taking the time to do that, my word.  I will fix the grammar mistakes and the timeline problems right away.  I wasn't trying to be tricky about the pregancy thing, I just always feel weird writing factual statements like, "Pam was pregnant." And maybe the sandbox isn't for the baby...Jim enjoys a good sandcastle to calm him down after a rough day.

But seriously, thank you so much. It really means a lot to me that you took so much time to help out.

~Shannon 

Reviewer: carebear13178 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 25, 2007 11:31 am Title: Everyday Love

Completely and utterly adorable. :)

Reviewer: Rowena666 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 24, 2007 06:30 pm Title: Miss America

WOW. Very interesting and original idea, and powerfully written.

Reviewer: neptune1 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 17, 2007 12:38 pm Title: Miss America

This is a little heartbreaking, but I like it.  You've done a nice job capturing utter despair and a feeling of almost no self-worth.  Poor Jim.

Reviewer: Too Late Kev Signed [Report This]
Date: April 17, 2007 10:03 am Title: Miss America

Wow.  Dark but very good.

Reviewer: littlepleasures Signed [Report This]
Date: April 17, 2007 12:31 am Title: Miss America

I love dark Jim.  This was perfect.  And the end, where he just sits crying, and then in the morning remembers Pam doesn't love him...just perfectly heartbreaking.

And you are beyond awesome for using Something Corporate lyrics in this!

Reviewer: aggiegurl22 Signed [Report This]
Date: April 16, 2007 11:25 pm Title: Miss America

Ouch! Very dark, but I really liked it!

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