Date: February 11, 2007 08:30 am Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
Wow. I was trying to pick out a favorite line but then you hit me with those last few perfect paragraphs that completely encapsulate just how deliberately Pam is backsliding. She knows it's wrong and isn't going to stop it anyway. Very realistic and I think a fantastic continuation of where we left off after that painful wedding episode.
Author's Response: Aww. Thanks belsum! I'm so glad you thought so. Here's hoping next weeks installment (of both the show and my story) ;) give us something to smile about.
8 [Report This]Date: February 10, 2007 04:58 pm Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
At the end of the ep, I thought that if Pam did sleep w/ Roy, she might consider it moving ahead anyway, because she chose to dance w/ him, chose to leave w/ him. Add to that the difference in his behavior + body, and Pam could feel like she really was experiencing something new. That said, I love love love this line:
Even as she takes his hand and steps forward she can feel herself sliding backwards.
Author's Response: True. It's just the way she treated him up to that point that had me thinking that it was more reverting than going forward. That being said I consider any time Pam actually MOVES to be significant. Leaving w/Roy - no matter what that entails - was her making a decision. I don't think she gets enough credit for that. IMO, She spent 10 years in a passive state. This is almost like throwing caution to the wind for her.
WOW. CHATTY TODAY. :) Just wanted to add I am so glad you liked it!
9 [Report This]Date: February 09, 2007 08:10 pm Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
I let out such a deep sigh at the end of this that it startled my dogs.
Okay, the quotes at the beginning - particularly those describing the sounds of various emotions - breathtaking, and such an apt prologue for this story.
I know you're being vague here because things are in a state of limbo (temporarily, of course - we all know Jim and Pam will end up together, right? RIGHT?), but I think it works that much better this way. Something in juxtaposing the pronouns lends a sort of haunting feel to this -- the ghost of Jim is hovering around her as she backslides with Roy, if that makes any sense.
So, so sad, but -- just like the episode (IMHO) -- so very real.
Looking forward to the next installment!
Author's Response:
I've been a quote finding fiend. :) I found a really good site so expect more as the story goes on.
My vagueness was more about what really transpires w/Roy and Pam. I don't doubt he makes a move but how far does she regress? Does she just kiss him and leave? I don't know if we'll ever get the full story so I didn't want to put that here. This story is about getting inside her head after each "episode" so I don't want to add too much. KWIM?
Thank you for your thoughtful review. I'm so glad it felt real to you. See you - next week. :)
8 [Report This]Date: February 09, 2007 03:52 pm Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
Ah, he vs. he- the classic debate ;). I abso-freaking-loved this, no matter how painful it is to read. Because while watching the episode you hold out a small glimmer of hope that "well, maybe he's just going to drive her home like a gentleman" in a small voice, but come on. Despite the debate going on in her mind, I love how you allow Pam to get swept up in the moment and forget for a while. I loved this line: In this moment, she gives in to the memory and goes back to the time when her life was filled with possibilities instead of doubts.
It's just so perfect to what Pam's going through right now. Okay, enough rambling from me. Oh, except I love the chapter title too! Okay NOW the gushing is over :)
Author's Response:
Thanks pennylane! The shipper in me thinks maybe he just drove her home - the realist knows it's possible it was much more. I didn't follow them any further because a) my heart can't take it and b) if she didn't sleep w/him at least I can backtrack next week. :) Not that we'll ever truly find out.
Please don't ever apologize about the gushing though. :) I love to hear it!!
Date: February 09, 2007 12:24 pm Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
NO!!!
yes, Beard!Roy was being adorable, but I'm still screaming NOOOO!
dude, heartache all over the place.
thanks.
cheers.
--Lex
Author's Response:
I KNOW Lex. I know.
Writing it made me feel better in a weird sort of way.
It's going to be OK. I'm sure of it. ;)
Date: February 09, 2007 11:15 am Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
I'm glad you got yourself out of our funk enough to write this! :) I liked it a lot because I think it is very true to the spirit of the characters and what they are going through, even if you feel it is a bit of a downer. And I can't help but think you are right on the money about Roy and that she will rediscover why he is still so wrong for her.
By the way, Michael & Jan? You need to finish to write that up.
Author's Response:
I woke up and there it was. What a difference a day makes - because seriously - this was not where I was last night.
But you know that. :)
I'm glad you feel I did them justice.
I do need Michael and Jan - for all the hilarity and for the fact that in that story Jim and Pam are happy as clams and clammed up about their relationship to boot.
What's with all the seafood metaphors? LOL!
Date: February 09, 2007 08:15 am Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
Yes, this is Pam (starts to weep.) Her confusion, frustration, pain over believing she's lost Jim...from her head to your keyboard! Of course she backslid to Roy - he's her safety blanket, she needs familiar comfort and to be with someone who clearly wants her. Even if he's not the right one, as you point out.
And yeah, this is Pam's nadir...had it come at the end of sweeps I'd be crying into my coffee. But it's exactly the half way point - which means the second half will be about bringing her (them) back up the hill. It's going to work out - we won't even need to fanfic our way out of it anymore. May take a while, but I think by the end of sweeps, a better direction will come into focus. (I absolutely insist, you, you Greg Daniels you.)
Author's Response:
Thanks colette. I almost chickened out here - but this story is about what happens - not about what I want to happen. Of course - talk to me come the end of Feb. If they are still in denial then I'm going to have to fix it myself.
It can only go uphill - I know that and so I'm desperately trying to sit back and breathe.
Man. It's not easy. :)
9 [Report This]Date: February 09, 2007 08:04 am Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
Even as she takes his hand and steps forward she can feel herself sliding backwards.
Yes
Right now, in this moment she doesn't care. It's been so long and he's been so distant and more than anything right now she simply wants to feel wanted.
And yes
In this moment, it's not perfect but somehow it's enough.
And triple yes. I wish I could say that I can't understand what's going on inside of Pam's head, but unfortunately I can because I've been there. And the way you described all of the doubt and the questioning and the wondering what she's doing...all just so amazingly dead-on, every single one. And honestly, at this point, I feel like Pam still has a lot of supporters of her decision. Well, maybe not supporters, but I think a lot of us get where she was at in the situation, and probably would've done the same as she did.
This is brilliantly written, xoxoxo.
Author's Response:
Last night I couldn't write a thing. My poor shipper's heart still held out hope - even though the handwriting was on the wall.
This morning I woke up knowing exactly why what happened happened. I still don't like it - not one bit - but I know why. They could both be so happy - it just makes me sad. :(
Thank you so much for the kind review. I truly appreciate it.
9 [Report This]Date: February 09, 2007 07:38 am Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
I really think you got what was going in her head, but it doesn't make it any less painful to read.
Author's Response:
Beth - Trust me. It was painful to write. But I can't blame Pam for it - I can't blame the writers for going there and I can't blame Jim for being pissed about it.
It's gotta be all uphill from here - right?
10 [Report This]Date: February 09, 2007 06:12 am Title: Your first love is not always your truest love.
ahhhh - here that? It's my heart breaking!!!
can we get to the part where things start going better? please??
Author's Response:
I hear it. It's breaking in time w/mine.
Ask Greg Daniels that question. I was ready for the "start to get better" part in September.
I know they have to get to the very bottom before they climb out. This is Pam's rock bottom - going back to Roy.
I have faith...even though the waiting's gonna kill me. :)