Date: March 19, 2007 11:28 pm Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
If there is a fight in the office, Michael will do exactly what you wrote :)
Author's Response: hee hee, I think he totally would, and then he'd make up an excuse for hiding later.
Date: March 19, 2007 07:49 pm Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
"Let him have it, Johnny!" I love that line! Oh, and Pam telling Michael to stay under the desk a little longer. You really have the humor of the show down. And the drama, too. It's so sad.
Author's Response: Kites, glad you could pick it up and have enjoyed it. I really love the ensemble part of the Office, especially this year with JAM being so darn stubborn. And really Creed, isn't he just the best......
Date: March 14, 2007 09:14 pm Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
"In an instant, Kevin and Toby came out of no where to close ranks between Roy and Pam. “I think you should, um, leave, um before, you know, I have to write you up.” Toby got out shakily, while Kevin clumsily held up his fists to protect Pam."
Aww...I love this. It shows how, despite everyone but Michael's protests to the contrary, the office people really are a bit like a family.
Author's Response: Yep, that's how I saw it. I think they do really care about each other.... in the end.
Date: March 09, 2007 06:46 am Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
oooh this was a good chapter, i want more! i want to have that final talk :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for saying that, as I seem to saying alot this story is being stubborn, but I am enjoying it - glad you are too! I just posted the final talk! Wish that we could see this happen on the show soon, I'm tired of whatever it is that Jim is doing with Karen.
Date: March 07, 2007 10:43 pm Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
Oh, man, I am digging this. Realistic, good pacing, a bunch of good laughs. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I feel like it is hard to write anything funny, and it is hard to tell if it is just my whacky sense of humor or if it is funny to others. so I'm really glad that you liked it!
Date: March 07, 2007 07:37 am Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
Sticking with you? Please. This is a great story! I can't wait to read more.
Stanley just sitting there unmoved, Angela with the pitcher of water, Kelly keeping Ryan out of the fight, Michael hiding under his desk, Dwight proudly using his deputy moves when he escorts Roy out -- its the great use of the ensemble in your fic that makes me like it so much. Plus, I just love Creed's little statements - always getting everyone's names wrong. Cracks me up amidst all the tension. Nicely done.
Author's Response:
I think that, especially lately, with all the JAM frustration, the ensemble is what gets me through. Dwight holding Pam while she cried, Michael buying her art. Maybe I'm just a sucker, but I loved seeing that despite it all these people care about each other. Oddly, something I think Jim and Karen are the only ones who don't get that. Oh, and Stanley of course. ;-)
Thanks for the review, this has been a fun one for me too. And I'm so happy and flattered knowing people like reading it. Makes me feel better about the dance of joy I do when some of my favorite stories have been updated.
Date: March 07, 2007 03:52 am Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
Ooo! You surprised me!! Nice job with the ending. Oh Michael.
And yay for Jim talking to Karen...one last time. :)
Author's Response: Yeah, with Michael hiding under his desk, I really couldn't resist. Yipee, for more Hourglass, that story is really touching. You've done a lovely lovely job with that.
Date: March 06, 2007 11:04 pm Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
Oh, your end notes KILL me! One last time, eh? Woo hoo!!!
So, your use of Creed was fantastic. As was Toby. Just awesome. You have me on pins and needles, as usual. You just plain rock.
(p.s. I've sent my rough draft of ch3 of Truth & Consequences to my betas, so... watch for it :))
Author's Response:
Awwww, shucks. Thanks actually I really needed that this morning. Is it Friday yet?
I couldn't resist trying to write how the other office mates would react to the fight. I loved how Kevin had his fists up to Roy in the actual episode, so.... I couldn't resist having him and Toby defend Pam. And really, I just love Toby, period. Same for Creed, everytime he's in an episode, I usually laugh until I can't breathe.
Can't wait for the next chapter! I'll be obsessively checking this site for it. :-)
Date: March 06, 2007 08:31 pm Title: Jim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
Yay! "One last conversation" with Karen. I like how both Pam and Jim are thinking about communicating with each other at the end, even though they are separated at that point. I really like how Pam managed to get everyone some non-Michael time at the end as well.
A few details and/or constructive criticisms:
Roy's sentence about the "audience" sounds a little too sophisticated for Roy; I could see more like a "I don't want the guys to see this" type of sentence. The other Roy sentences seem spot-on to me.
I think you mean Jim wants to pummel Roy, not pommel him (pommel is the pommel horse in gymnastics). Also, probably deviant, not deviate. Yeah, you're right, I have no life.
I really liked how the office had the "collective sigh of relief". That is exactly what would happen when a big scary situation was over.
Karen putting his arm around Jim's waist and loudly saying she'd take him home was perfectly in character, I think, with what we're seeing of Karen. It fits in very well with the proprietary from-behind hug from Ben Franklin, the "hey Pam, hands off my guy" conversation of Ben Franklin (just a kiss). Karen is really trying to hang onto that man.
Nice job. I'm looking forward to more chapters - when you can.
Author's Response:
Thank you for the big review with comments. I really do want to learn to improve my writing, and it helps to hear what works for readers and what doesn't. I had a hard time with Roy, and actually this is an edited version of him, but I completely see where you are coming from. I don't watch him as closely as other characters, so I don't have a great feel for him. And, I often forget to keep him in character while trying to use him as a vehicle to motivate Jim.
I actually was an English major so the typos are appreciated. (so no comments about your life forthcoming) I went back and hopefully fixed those. I hate when a typo takes you out of the story so normally I obsessively read for the grammar and the spelling, but you know how it goes. Thanks for keeping me honest.
Yeah, Karen, poor Karen. Doomed to be hated I suppose. But I do think given the deleted scene where she thinks about ripping down the art show flyer, she would play this up to Pam. Also, it struck me as good irony for the "Let's get you in hot tub." comment from Basketball.
I really appreciate you taking the time to review! Whenever I post a chapter I think "Phew. Oh wait, let's get started again." :-)