Date: June 20, 2018 11:37 am Title: June 12: Towards the Hospital
“I know dear, that’s why I didn’t invite your father.”
I love that now things are a little less grim with Jim, they’re all relaxing a little bit and things are a bit lighter. I also love Pam’s mom and I’m anxiously awaiting her appearance at the hospital.
Date: June 17, 2018 05:23 pm Title: June 11: Jim's Room, with Pam
A short but sweet chapter. Only thing I would say would help would be to add in some narration when you have multiple people talking. Sometimes it was hard to figure out if it was Pam, Jim, or Larissa who was talking. Especially since you have it that Jim and Larissa have quite similar vocal mannerisms. So adding in a quick description of facial expression for instance would help in that regard. I was able to figure out who was saying what, but on the first read through it sometimes too a little doing.
Author's Response: Thanks. I have to admit, the dialogue thing was actually intentional: I usually do exactly what you suggest, but I wanted to see if I could differentiate the characters clearly enough just through each of their voices. Thanks for the note that that isn't quite working yet.
Date: June 16, 2018 10:55 pm Title: June 11: The Hallway
I really loved the interaction between Jim and Larissa. I’ve been waiting for that since the story started! I think they have a believable older brother/younger sister relationship with just enough ribbing mixed with just enough emotion so that neither one is over the top. And I like Pam’s explanation for the reasons that she broke up with Roy. I do believe she still cared about him and wanted him to do well, and that gets pushed aside in a lot of fic. So great job! As always, can’t wait for more.
Author's Response: Thanks! I was somewhat concerned that both of those weren't going to read well, so that is a big relief.
Date: June 16, 2018 01:59 pm Title: June 11: The Hallway
Good on Pam getting her feelings and thoughts out into the open like that. It's one thing to think about deep thoughts, it's another to verbalize them and hear oneself say them out loud. Looking forward to more as always.
Author's Response: Thanks. I think this version of Pam has had the kind of revelatory experience that makes you find those words.
Date: June 15, 2018 02:34 pm Title: June 11: Jim's Room without Pam
Cute scene with his sister. I like how easily they play off each other. I'm looking forward to seeing what Jim tells Pam after she comes back in and they discuss the sketch.
Author's Response: Thanks. They will definitely discuss it (though the talk about Pam's mom may take precedence...)
Date: June 14, 2018 07:13 pm Title: June 11: The Same, Continued
Very cute. I like how Jim is still in a daze about all this. Looking forward to whatever comes next.
Author's Response: Yeah, don't forget he's still recovering from major injuries. The man may not be thinking entirely straight. Thanks for reading!
Date: June 14, 2018 04:24 pm Title: June 11: The Same, Continued
Ahhhh great few updates! It's literally one of the most romantic things ever thank you! This is still super brilliant!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks! I feel like it's romantic so it's nice to hear you agree.
Date: June 13, 2018 08:59 pm Title: June 11: Continued
Just blew through the last few chapters. Loved them all, as usual. I love that Pam didn't beat around the bush, I love that Larissa's first reaction was to go get Pam when Jim woke up, I love Jim's emotions and thought processes as he takes in Pam being there and piecing everything together. There was one line that I really loved about how efficiently Jim swept Pam off her feet--so good! If you want to double update every day, I'd be totally down for that.
Can't wait to watch Jim and Pam unpack things in the upcoming chapters!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I'm not sure I'm up to always double-updating, because the story seems to come to me in 1000 word bursts, but I'm really glad you're enjoying the characters here.
Date: June 13, 2018 08:42 pm Title: June 11: Continued
Yay! FINALLY he's awake! Finally they're talking to each other. Yay! I think I was holding my breath! I guess I'm happiest when Jim and Pam are communicating. This is such a terrible review, cause I'm just caught in the moment of the story. I'll say something halfway intelligent in my next review. For now, I'm just happy! :)
Author's Response: :) There's nothing better than to hear you're caught up in the story. Now they get to talk, although I will (as life does) keep throwing in some things like Pam's phone call to pull them out of the room together.
Date: June 13, 2018 06:52 pm Title: June 11: Continued
Ok, so that was fun. Kind of what I'd expect for reactions. I like that Jim hasn't lost his sense of humor. Lots of very sweet moments. Thanks for the double update.
Author's Response: Thanks. I'm not sure how much this is going to surprise you from this point on, but I hope the treatment of the unsurprising bits is still worth reading. I'll work on that.
Date: June 13, 2018 02:06 pm Title: June 11: An Awakening
You did promise Jim would wake up, and wake up he did. Looking forward to seeing what comes next.
Author's Response: Heh, that was a kind of minimalist chapter, wasn't it? But I really wanted the hi/hey transition out of it. Thanks for the review.
Date: June 12, 2018 08:47 pm Title: June 11: Waiting Room
A very nice chapter showing the growing friendship with Larissa and Pam. I'm glad to see the next chapter will have Jim waking up. It'll be interesting to say the least to see what his reaction will be. Also it'll be nice to see the plot move along more. As nice as these Pam and Larissa chapters are I think by now we, as a reader, know they're getting on as good friends so it'll be good to see the story progress.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. I wanted to really hammer home the Larissa-Pam connection before I let Jim wake up so that I could play the three of them off each other now he's up.
Date: June 12, 2018 07:47 pm Title: June 11: Waiting Room
Okay, that Gatorade story is adorable, and now for as excited as I am to see Pam and Jim when Jim finally wakes up, I'm starting to get excited to see the Halpert siblings interact as well!
Author's Response: Yeah, it's fun to play around with Larissa since she's just teased and not present in the TV show, so she can be whatever we want. Thanks.
Date: June 12, 2018 07:42 pm Title: Interlude III: Jim's Head
This might be my favorite chapter so far. It's just so good! Jim's headspace is fascinating and I love how his subconscious is starting to meld with everything going on around him. I'm excited for him to start waking up for real!
Author's Response: Thanks! I liked having Jim a little separate from the other characters to allow me to give him an internal monologue as well.
Date: June 12, 2018 07:40 pm Title: June 11: By Jim's Side
"I’m here, and I’m not running away. I need you to meet me halfway, OK?"
Yay Pam! That's all I've got.. I was grinning at her declaration at the end of this chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you think she's still 'Yay Pam' as we go forward, because I'm trying to evoke that feeling.
Date: June 12, 2018 07:38 pm Title: June 11: The Cafeteria
I love the ever-growing ease and familiarity between Pam and Larissa as they continue to get know each other! The 2 golden lines in this chapter - Larissa asking her what her intentions were and Pam at the end saying she'd like to do the proposing -- those are gems!
Author's Response: Thank you! It's really good to hear which moments stand (or at least stood) out :)
Date: June 12, 2018 07:36 pm Title: June 11: Relaxation Room
Oh, this is so lovely. I loved seeing Pam struggling to write out her feelings only to realize there's really only one way for her to do that... the description of the picture is so striking - I really like it.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm a little worried my version of Pam here is not struggling enough, so thanks for picking out the moment of struggle I did include to comment on :)
Date: June 11, 2018 08:40 pm Title: Interlude III: Jim's Head
Just got done reading this. Very imaginative. I really like the interaction Pam has with Larissa. Theses interludes into Jim's head have been fascinating as well. Slowly getting clearer and clearer. I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens when he wakes up.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading. Jim will definitely get to wake up soon, and we'll see how he reacts to the Pam-Larissa thing that's been building.
Date: June 08, 2018 07:54 am Title: Interlude III: Jim's Head
This is my favorite chapter of anything I’ve read of yours, because of the imagery of the monuments and Jim being confronted with all these things he perceived as failures. It’s a great way for him to grapple with these things and a wonderful indicator of how much these things have shaped him as a person. Hopefully he knows how much Larissa loves him, and I have a feeling that we’ll get to see him find out how much Pam loves him, too!
Author's Response: Thanks! Given how much of my writing you've read on this site, that's saying something, so I'm glad to hear it. I think we'll get to see really soon how Jim reacts to the love from both these women, but I think you can rest assured that he knows how Larissa, at least, feels already.
Date: June 06, 2018 07:36 pm Title: June 11: By Jim's Side
I love the interactions with Pam and Larissa! I want a whole story based solely on Larissa and Jim as they’re growing up. Up for the challenge?
And I can’t WAIT for the next chapter! I love the Jim interludes so I can’t wait to see what’s happening in his mind while Pam is telling him that she’s not running.
Oh boy, that might need to be the next one after this, yes. Although I only do one WIP at a time, and I think that's a multi-chapter one, so you'll have to wait ;).
Speaking of waiting, ask and ye shall receive: the next chapter in Jim's head is up.