Date: July 11, 2018 09:09 am Title: Chapter 1
Well, of all the fic I seen like this I’ve never seen Katy as the mom so that’s a new one! I’m *really* curious how you’ll get to jam from here.
I hope he goes for a paternity test because technically the baby is too old to be his... (I’m just teasing though, it’s AU... suspend disbelief :D)
Date: July 07, 2018 08:19 am Title: Chapter 1
A review in two parts: by warrior4
Part the first: You have an interesting concept here and the start of what could be a good story. In some ways it's a tad unrealistic though. If Katy had already talked to a social worker, there's no way any social worker I've ever met would agree that Katy leaving a 2 month old baby alone on a door step in the middle of January with a paper saying "sign here" would be good. Now I get that this is fiction and we can suspend disbelief for a bit as well. But it might be something to clear up.
Part the second: You may want to clean up the formatting a bit. The first two paragraphs are easy to read because her online there are breaks. Those breaks make it easier to follow who's talking and the like. Then when Pam comes over it's this wall of text on the left side of the screen that tends to run together. Also adding in more narration and description rather than just dialogue will help flesh out how you want the story to come across. One of my favorite authors once said it's the writers job to "paint a picture with words."
Big long review that I hope you found encouraging. It's a good idea and a decent start.
1)I agree it's a little out there, so I hope the suspension of disbelief works out on that one.
2)I will keep these things in mind for the future chapters. Like I said it just wrote itself over the course of an hour at about 10 at night, so it's not totally perfect.
These are the reviews that I love, I always appreciate help. Thank you so much again, for reading and reviewing <3