Date: January 20, 2019 03:32 pm Title: Chapter 5
You're very welcome. Though considering my own stories have a few typos from time to time I've tried to hold off, unless it's kind of glaringly obvious. Hope that's ok.
Anyway getting into this chapter. I really like Pam's courage here. To drive all the way up to Roy to tell him its over. That he at first doesn't believe her or then try to stop her or try to save their relationship seems fitting. Roy trying to cut her off and not listen seems appropriate for him too. He's never really listened to her before, why start now?
Then she keeps on with that courage to text and call Jim again. That Jim is still awake and concerned and that Roy isn't just shows who's right for Pam and who's not. Then when he comes over he's not pushy and he lets her lead the conversation. Their admissions to each other are great to see. Nicely done this time around.
Date: January 20, 2019 12:55 pm Title: Chapter 5
Yeah, this is great. Good on Pam actually going on and doing the breakup. I think you did a good job expressing her feelings on that point. And I can see Roy just...shrugging like that and figuring he'll deal with it later. Which is why that needed to end...
Thanks very much!
I thought Roy would be harder to write. The fact that he reminds me so much to an ex I had makes it both easy and difficult. But yeah, he'd have another beer and thing Pam would come to her senses in a day or two. Only, of course, she won't.
Date: January 19, 2019 07:25 am Title: Chapter 4
Oh, great. Jim Halpert showing up with an entire ice cream bar in tow. If he was carrying a puppy and a bottle of wine you would’ve included ALL my favorite things. 😉
Big Fish is an amazing movie; the musical is equally as good.
Oh, Jim. You’ve beautifully made him this outsider in her place but making his way in, just like he always does with her, even before that kiss.
And that kiss! Wonderfully detailed without being over the top.
The entire paragraph of “You shouldn’t just be kissed, Pam.” Every damn word in that paragraph was perfection.
I can’t wait to see where you take this.
Thanks so much!
While I love Big Fish in itself, I put it here also because David Denman, the actor that plays Roy, also has a part on that movie.
I hope you like what's coming next, even if it's not as fluffy ;)
Date: January 19, 2019 07:15 am Title: Chapter 3
Great job with getting into Pam’s head about why this is so complicated for her. Nicely done, especially adding in the realistic distractions of shopping, movies, and Chinese food. 😀
Great bit of dialogue at the end, especially when she just can’t help herself but invite him over.
Thanks very much! You're very kind.
I like about Pam the fact that, even though she is so careful in some aspects, she is witty and sometimes has a snap ready. I like to think that sometimes, especially during the first two seasons, those come more like an instinct. As if something just jumps out ofher mouth and at the end it turns ou to be just the right thing.
Date: January 19, 2019 07:09 am Title: Chapter 2
Oooooh, I love how desperate/hopeful/pitiful it sounded in my head when Jim gives her a last minute plea that this wasn’t a mistake. You created great build-up to that moment.
Really enjoying where this is going.
Date: January 17, 2019 08:24 pm Title: Chapter 4
I haven't reviewed a story here in forever, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate this fic. You do an excellent job writing dialogue, and you have a good take on the characters. Good pacing and rhythm to your writing as well. I don't know where writing fits in your life, but you have some talent at it and I thank you for sharing it here.
Thanks so much for reviewing! Especially considering that you don't do it often. It means a lot!
Writing is something that just happens whenever I get some free time, but I love to do it so... there it is. Thanks a lot!
Date: January 17, 2019 12:41 pm Title: Chapter 4
Oh. Well now, that last bit definitely takes us into new territory. Nice work. Gotta ask: have you read agian18's "Wake Me Up"? Because there seem to be some similarities and I'm wondering if they are intentional or just common origin. Either way it's lovely. Don't stop!
Author's Response: Oh, I had to do some slight research. Yeah! I've read it some time ago, at other site (and by other pen-name). There are some similarities, you're right, but they are just common origin. I guess that Pam being left alone because Roy is doing something else is not a very uncommon scenario. Thanks for reviewing!
Date: January 17, 2019 12:21 pm Title: Chapter 4
Very nice here. I like how Jim takes his time and makes sure he's not overstepping any boundaries. Then when they do come together it's very sweet. That Pam is realizing she wants more than her life with Roy is great to see. That she's also realizing that the life she wants is what Jim is offering is sweet as well.
The thing I love about season 3 (one of the few things, really, because that season is painful to watch) is how Pam finds herself and her voice and that makes it possible for her to be with Jim later on, as her own person, amd a steong independent woman.
Placin this in season 2 gives me little time for that, but still, I want her to do that learning curve, even if it's just in hours instead of months.
Date: January 16, 2019 10:56 am Title: Chapter 3
Oh Pam. Not sure that was what you wanted to say, though I'm sure it's what you meant...
Also I like the writing style. "She stepped out of the shower, and with much more force than needed, dried herself and got into yoga pants and a large t-shirt" was a particularly good paragraph of showing her emotions rather than just telling.
Thanks very much!
It means a lot, coming from you, because I love your stories.
Since even Pam is not quite sure about her feelings at this point, the body has to let them out.
Date: January 16, 2019 07:37 am Title: Chapter 3
Lots of good internal thoughts here. Jim of course being head over heels with Pam yet I do like the fact that he's still doing his best to take her feelings and relationship status into account.
Pam's confused feelings about everything seem very real and in character for her. That she'd want to get out and distract herself from such thoughts makes sense too. Very good follow up chapter to the previous one in that regard. Looking forward to seeing what happens when Jim comes over.
Thanks so much for all your reviews!
So, alcohol is wearing off and guilt is creeping in. Or, at least, the guilt of not feeling enough guilty. Which is a feeling I really hate on myself but turns out is really fun to write.
Date: January 16, 2019 07:27 am Title: Chapter 2
Considering that Pam is also coming down from being pretty well plastered, the whole "not feeling guilty" does work. You'd already set up that she's feeling ambivalent at best towards Roy for leaving her alone again, so if follows she might not have regrets for kissing Jim like this.
It'll be interesting to see where you take this from here.
I think that kiss came not.only from her liking Jim (a lot) but also out of frustration at a fiancée that's not playing the part, at all. And it made her feel powerful.
Not the ideal scenario, but some awakenings are not really "clean".
Date: January 16, 2019 07:19 am Title: Chapter 1
Well done Jim. Nice to see he can branch out with the pranks for other targets of opportunity. Seems to be a small typo at the end of the last paragraph. You wrote "His," when I think you meant, "Her."A little knit picky I know. That being said even that small type didn't take anything away from my enjoyment of this chapter.
Thanks very much for reading... and for pointing out the mistakes!
Date: January 15, 2019 06:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
OK, first off: great start to the story! Second: When will the next chapter be posted? I’m intrigued. Third: I love that Coti song and now it is stuck in my head
2. Already there. And 3 is almost done.
3. Pretty great, huh?
Date: January 15, 2019 08:21 am Title: Chapter 1
Very smooth translation of the Spanish. Impressive.
And I really hope you keep this going. I love the premise of the sale. I LOVE the way you have Pam thinking. I love the phrasing (especially the "oh-I-have-a-thing-for-jelly-beans-that-make-me-come-to-your-desk-every-half-an-hour-or-so"). And you deal well with Roy. So keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks very much. Spanish just happens to be my first language ;)