1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 07:33 pm Title: Chapter 3
On minor technical issue here. The following line. "Jim laughed. Pam leaned in. “Just like old times, huh?” Karen smiled from down the table. Jim looked down at her. He moved his arm from his lap and laid it across her shoulders. She looked up at him." Since Karen is the last named person, when I read the rest of that line it made me think the pronouns following Karen were about her. Thus Jim was putting his arm around Karen and Karen was also looking back up at Jim. I know I'm being kinda sticky about grammar here, but it did honestly confuse me for a second and I had to go back and re-read things to make sure it was Pam that Jim had his arm around. An easy fix would be to either not have the line about Karen smiling at Jim or put it after when Jim has his arm around Pam.
Story wise it was fun to see everyone bouncing off each other like that. Jim and Pam are back together and they're very cute too. Her coming out in his old clothes was fun to visualize as well. Welcome back to writing. Thanks for sharing this one.
1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 06:53 pm Title: Chapter 3
I like this little story. There are some awkward points at the start, as warrior has observed, but at its core it's a cute relatable AU. Although I've owned a Prius in multiple places with bad winters, so I can say small Toyotas do just fine as long as you buy winter tires ;-). But seriously, this is a nice chapter.
1 [Report This]Date: March 17, 2019 01:32 pm Title: Chapter 3
What an adorable story! Since you wrote a maybe in the end, I really hope you consider continuing . Love the fluff
Author's Response: Oh my gosh. Thank you so much! And its a totally real possibility! I'll have to think of more tooth rotting fluff to write about when I work at my super boring job tomorrow :)