Date: August 07, 2019 03:15 am Title: Chapter 4
I don’t know when this became my new favorite rom-com. Actually, scratch that - I know exactly when... Pam adding no. 6 to the to do list! My rom-com, trope adoring heart is full.
I love the list. I love Pam striking “don’t get killed” from the list. I am a list person. The whole list inclusion spoke to my soul (not to be too melodramatic...)
The taser line - this Pam is a little Veronica Mars in the best way & I love her all the more for it. (I feel like I’ve said that before? Maybe? But I stand by it, so it’s worth repeating).
If Jim breaks Pam’s trust I will be devastated. Just a heads up...
This whole “what would Jim Halpert hate the most” passage made my day. A brilliant Pam quip.
Oh, one last thing... I’m sorry, I don’t buy a world in which Pam is allergic to cats AND friends with Angela. Doesn’t seem likely 😂
Date: August 06, 2019 04:05 pm Title: Chapter 4
OMG! I’m sooo happy you updated. I love this story and I was so sorry to see the chapter end. Love how you are portraying the dynamic between Jim and Pam. I hope you can update soon, although I understand it’s sometimes difficult to write. This is an awesome story, so I hope you keep at it
Date: August 06, 2019 01:48 pm Title: Chapter 4
I just watched a video on how to write screenplays. In it they said one of the best things a writer can do to get their audience invested in the story is make the audience curious. You've been doing that with every chapter and continue to do so here. Even while filling in some of the backstory there are still questions that are being brought up. Where is and what is Pam's tattoo? Why does Jim think he'll really be able to handle getting back into the business? Is there only one FBI guy monitoring Coley's activity to ensure this stays just a simple fanfic or is there a whole team now? ;) However most importantly, does Pam really think that she'll be able to cross off item #6 and not fall in love with Jim?
So yes it seems like you're still setting things up, but you're doing so in a way that really pulls one into this world. Great job in that regard.
Lots of fun with the banter here too. I really liked how they're starting to relax with each other. There are still some big hesitations to be sure, but this was a fun chapter.
Date: August 06, 2019 09:14 am Title: Chapter 4
I loved this, as I have each chapter. My favorite moment was...actually I don't know because I just inhaled it all. So good.
One thing though: "There had been two glaring holes in Clark’s research. One of them she was going to ask him about that night. The other was his love life. Or lack of one, she wasn’t really sure. She knew that up until a few days ago, there had been a Katy, but beyond that, she knew nothing. Surely, he’d dated." -- In canon, we know Jim is not dating much because he's into Pam. Is it the same here? doodoodoodoo
Date: August 06, 2019 05:52 am Title: Chapter 3
You have this way of adding in all these little things that make me so in love with this World and want more from it. Guh to the near proposal to Ryan; I want that story as much as I want to know exactly what Bill said to Roy behind closed doors on Thanksgiving.
Here is the other great thing you do in this chapter. Okay, there's a little tongue-in-cheek absurdity in the backdrop but there are REAL emotions that Pam is trying to juggle. Not only do you do a great job of showing the depths of that, but also evoking so much empathy for where she finds herself. Like, in this fanfic world it's so easy for me to be like "PAM, it's JIM; this isn't a difficult issue!" but in all the right ways I'm feeling for her. Big Time.
Oh my god. Dwight is perfection here. And Jim's response? Equal perfection.
Again, you just... you write their banter in ANY situation with such a natural ease that it's disturbing how good you are. The shift between serious and teasing and mild flirting is just too well done.
Ha! I can't lie, I thought when she was going into the house in that first scene, she would reappear with either 1) alcohol for a loyalty toast or 2) a knife for a blood pact. I clearly watch too many movies. What you did is far more in character and better for the story! :D
I WANT TO SEE MORE AT THE PAINTED LADY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!
I'll say it again; you are fierce with their banter! And I love how you are keeping it fresh while we're trying to, you know, solve a MURDER! For example, this little gem:
“You’re a bit of an asshole, you know that?” She kept her focus on her menu, scared that she would crack a grin if she made eye contact with him.
“You’re not the first to say it. You’re kind of a bitch though, so we’ll balance each other out just fine.” He was smirking when she finally looked up at him. “And obviously get the BLT because it comes with fries.”
Pam ordered the Cobb salad."
I mean, I howled every time I read that. It is PERFECTION. Oh and the part about Pam's therapist is too fantastic and please tell me get more of THAT!
But the part that killed me, like KILLED me, hosted my funeral, and brought me back from the dead were those damn dossiers. It's like every inspo-board brought to life and I LOVE it. (What DID happen in Mexico in 2008?) I just love every bit of that lunch scene and how in character you have kept everyone. Oh my god, Phyllis Vance as the gossiping Housewives of Scranton ring leader is too perfect. Katy's not a "meet the family" kind of girl; oh boy I hope we hear more about that! And that little backstory Pam and Jim concocted so easily was a great throwback to the ease they had when planning a prank. Well done!!
AGH! And the way you threw in the "it's a date" line was an unexpected treasure! I am so in love with where this story is going. You know I'm already a little obsessed with it and I feel like it just keeps getting better and better with each chapter.
Date: June 27, 2019 04:05 am Title: Chapter 3
Again you're using all these great lines from the show, but in such a different context. It's kind of funny to see them sniping at each other like this. Granted the situation warrants it.
You've done a great job keeping then snarky with each other too. In the show Jim and Pam worked well because they had very similar personalities. You've done the same thing here, just shifted those personalities. However even if it's biting rather than teasing sarcasm, it still has the feel of JAM banter. Great job.
Date: June 26, 2019 01:01 am Title: Chapter 3
In the words of my favorite 90s hit, “two enthusiastic thumbs up!” Yes, yes, yes to the fake married trope. I am living for this!
The almost marriage to Ryan - oh god, was not expecting that. I love how you’re using everyone in so many different roles in this. It adds a fun little twist to just about every mention of another supporting character.
Your use of “it’s a date,” was perfect. The tone was so different, but so great for this story.
I love this Pam, she’s got that fancy new Beesly sass in droves! It’s probably my favorite thing about this story.
As always, I can’t wait to read more!
I will always accept a Clueless quote!
I don’t know what it is with the Ryan thing but like.... I can’t stop throwing him into these roles now? I’m not even sorry about it. And I LOVE so much that you’re on board for the fake marriage trope. I worried it would seem to soap opera-y, so I’m really happy that it’s going over so well so far. I’m also glad to see this Pam is working too - she’s definitely different than Canon Pam because she’s seen some stuff, ya know?
Thank you so much for reading!
Date: June 25, 2019 09:07 pm Title: Chapter 3
"Do you know the Prince family?" I cackled, literally cackled.
I like how this is playing out. They really don't like each other much...which will make it all the more explosive later on.
Oh, and I pictured Tony's therapist - was that right? :-)
The Prince Family would totally be in the mob!
Im so glad their dynamic is working for you because yeah... just wait. ;)
Ohhh, we’ll be meeting Pam’s therapist soon enough. One of my favorite characters thus far, and that’s saying something, given how much I love Security Dwight.
Thanks for reading!
Date: June 25, 2019 08:43 pm Title: Chapter 3
"“He’s a friend,” Pam lied" oh Pam, just you wait.
Also I love the reuse of the S3 finale line.
And just in general, I am loving this fic. I'm so glad we're entirely in Pam POV, because it lets you set the table so well while keeping us uncertain about what's going to happen because we don't see Jim's POV. It's lovely technique, and I'm loving it.
Comfect! Thank you so much :) It’s a tricky storyline, and I’m trying to keep it mysterious, but not too confusing so I’m glad that so far, it’s working for you. Promise you’ll let me know if (when) things go off the rails.
Date: June 17, 2019 05:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
Ok, so truthfully, I've been avoiding this story because I know I'm gonna get swept up in it and flung off a cliff and would need to figure out how to be patient for updates but....I couldn't resist. Ohhhhh my God. It's even more perfect that I could have imagined. Her stun gun in jello? Dwight being security? FATHER FLENDERSON? I'm so obsessed.
“Flung off a cliff” made me laugh. I’m glad you broke down and read it. And I love that you loved the stun gun and Dwight. And don’t worry, Father Flenderson is coming back too ;)
Thanks so much for reading!
Date: June 16, 2019 09:27 pm Title: Chapter 2
So, ya know, I KNEW this was going to happen but I didn't know how perfect (but I'm also not surprised even a little). I hate/love the cliffhanger. Like a lot.
Here are a few other things I am really into with this chapter:
Kind of neurotic Helene who is also grieving (when she had to turn away because Pam reminded her of Mr Beesly *swoon at that emotion*)
Wild Larissa - like I'm here for that spin off but also hoping she gets a bit of redemption
Good natured guilt-trip-giving, baiting Betsy. I can't wait to see how you write Betsy further in this story.
Katy would send needy messages. Whatever works for you, Jim. For now...
Funny thing, I always fall asleep when Carrie's Russian lover shows up too...Hmmmm... But really, the entire Sisterly Support theme of Pam and Penny in this story is wonderful. I look forward to where you will take that.
But let's go back to that ending. WHAT?!?! I need this update, like yesterday. Please please please. I need it like air. Please.
I’m so glad you’re loving Betsy and Helene! I’m actually really loving all of the women in this story for so many reasons that’ll be come clearer as we go on, but it’s so great to see that you’re on board with them all so far.
Katy WOULD send needy messages. Doesn’t mean Jim has to answer them though. And yet...
As always, thank you! :)
Date: June 15, 2019 04:41 pm Title: Chapter 2
Oh. Boy. What an ending! I am so here for a fake marriage turner to lovers trope - which I’m now hoping this turns out to be.
Having Karen as the best friend & Katy as the sort of girlfriend was a nice twist. I enjoy not hating Karen! She has so much potential as a friend. A friend to Jim is a nice take too, usually we see her as a friend to Pam in the fic world. I hope we get to see her a little more in this universe.
We really don’t know all that much about both the Beesly, Halpert families so they’re good fodder for AUs. I kind of liked that your version of Larissa is a little different to how she’s usually portrayed (a female Jim). It’s interesting to see how you’re characterizing the mothers also.
Looking forward to hearing Pam’s response!
Fake marriage is right up there with “there was only one bed” and I’m going to exploit the hell out of this trope on the best of ways. Seriously, I can’t wait for you guys to see what’s coming up next. And yes, there will be more Karen! And I don’t think you’ll hate her! (that part is weird for me)
Thank you so much for reading! :)
Date: June 14, 2019 05:50 pm Title: Chapter 2
I swear to God if Jim is on this scheme I'll lose my *BLEEP*.
(But won't stop reading, give me more :p )
Author's Response: SG19, this is my FAVORITE review this story has gotten so far. It makes me grin like crazy every time I see it. Thank you for reading!
Date: June 14, 2019 06:46 am Title: Chapter 2
That's one helluva proposal there. They hardly know each other, barely tolerate each other, there are so many other unanswered questions and Jim has the balls to suggest this. Wow!
Great writing as always. Can't wait to see what comes next.
Author's Response: I mean, what could go wrong with that proposal? Thanks for reading! :)
Date: June 13, 2019 10:35 pm Title: Chapter 2
Don't make promises you can't keep.
Lovely chapter. I like the Jim/Karen friendship and kudos on Penny. Very good characterization.
Author's Response: I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve got big plans for Karen and it’s entirely different than any way I’ve ever written her. I think you’ll enjoy it! Thanks for reading :)
Date: June 13, 2019 09:12 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love this! I feel like its 2000 again and I'm watching The Sopranos...but they were never like this! Love the details and how the personalities are so well defined. And I don't mind cliff hangers as long as you don't abandon us!
Author's Response: Ooh, how mean would it be if I just abandoned this story at chapter 7? I could never do that, I promise! And yeah, there will be a few more cliffhangers. I can’t help it! Thank you for reading!
Date: June 06, 2019 02:57 pm Title: Chapter 1
Slow start? C'mon, Coley, I never thought I would be craving for a mob Office story. Nevertheless here I'm, with so many questions in my head and already in love with mob!Jim.
(I really liked the taser scene, wonder where else this kind of dynamic might show up... ;) )
Author's Response: Thank you! I’m absolutely delighted the taser in jello scene went over well, it was one of my favorite parts of writing this chapter. And yay for getting you excited about Mob!Jim! He’s going to be pretty great, I promise. ;)
Date: June 04, 2019 08:41 pm Title: Chapter 1
AHH! It’s here!
I’m very excited to hear more about Uncle Creed and Dwight the body guard (YES HOLY SHIT YES I AM PSYCHED FOR THAT).
The fact that Pam can’t use a stun gun was my favorite. Almost as much as I loved that Jim sent it back to her in jello and is calling her Nancy Drew.
I love that they hate each other and don’t trust each other. You already have the perfect dynamic set up for this. AH! I’m SO EXCITED!
Author's Response: Ah, thank you! Don’t worry, Uncle Creed and Security Dwight are coming back soon.
Date: June 04, 2019 06:54 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh I am so pleased with that cliffhanger ending. Am I out of line if I'm hoping this was an inside job on at least one end? I like Jim and I like Pam and I want his POV so bad but here I think you're totally right to only give us hers. Nice worldbuilding details, and I'm a big fan of your using Penny. Keep it up!
Author's Response: So I can tell you that you'll get some Jim POV in the next chapter and that the POV's will alternate pretty evenly throughout the rest of the story. What I can't tell you is who did the killing. What fun would that be?! ;) Thanks for reading!
Date: June 04, 2019 03:39 am Title: Chapter 1
You're right. After all the anticipation and hearing about Coley's Mob story, it's here. Good set up so far. The characters are familiar, yet there's enough of a difference to them that makes them unique within this world. Lots of suspense in this initial chapter. Not the usual fluffy banter between Jim and Pam to be sure, but it is banter nonetheless and it works well. I did enjoy the addition of the jello prank. Great way to but in a familiar detail, but with a new twist. Can't wait to see how this all plays out.
Author's Response: Thanks warrior! Yeah for now at least, the banter is gonna be a little darker and tense, but itís still there because I canít imagine a banterless JAM, even if they donít really like each other right now. Glad you liked the jello prank! Iíve had a great time figuring out how to work key show moments into this world, and Iím excited to start sharing them! Thanks again for reading! :)