Date: September 01, 2020 04:35 pm Title: Chapter 4: In Which A Secret Is Revealed (But Not To Us)
I love the insight that a third party can give to Jim, Steve's take on Pam's feelings from the day of the prank is a great perspective.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm having fun with letting Jim get a little different life because he knows Steve, including the perspective.
1 [Report This]Date: August 26, 2020 10:49 am Title: Chapter 4: In Which A Secret Is Revealed (But Not To Us)
I like Steve's dialogue here - he definitely sounds like an adult theater kid. And I adore the stablergirl shoutout.
Author's Response: Nice catch! I love that Stablergirl story and I was actually rereading it right before writing this, so that's how that got there. And I am an adult theater kid, so I just write me into Steve...thanks for the review!
Date: August 26, 2020 09:40 am Title: Chapter 4: In Which A Secret Is Revealed (But Not To Us)
I like this chapter in general, but two things made me incredibly happy:
1) Jim reading Jane Austen because of Pam — it's a whole new level of sweetness! And the fact that he read 'Persuasion'... oh, my heart! I put my reading on pause to take some time to walk around my room, grinning and giggling. Thank you for that moment!
2) Steve, a perfect stranger, who knows nothing about Jim's situation, noticed Pam's disappointment. That says something. Perhaps, Jim really would like to hear that... another question — what would he do with that observation?
Also, Mark's intrusion was both fun and cringy — I wonder if he ever heard of the privacy of personal life? But his remark might have pushed the plot, so... that was for better, I guess.
Oh, and Steve's last words were brilliant and made me laugh aloud.
Thank you so much, and I can't wait to see what happens next!
P.S. Dang, I'm out of jellybeans already :(
Author's Response: Thank you! Especially thank you for catching that it's Persuasion he read. Mark is, in this version anyway, kind of a pushy dick, but with a deep love for Jim to make up for it. So I think that was in the character I want for him--but I agree that he shouldn't have done it if he were a better person.
Date: August 26, 2020 09:17 am Title: Chapter 4: In Which A Secret Is Revealed (But Not To Us)
Jim read Jane Austin because Pam did! Ha! I was rolling with that one. Also point to me this time. No one was around to witness my sudden cackle of laughter so you can't add it to your tally of "Comfect makes the people around warrior think warrior is crazy due to random maniacle laughter." There's probably a shorter name for that. I'll work on it.
Anyway, nice little wrap up to the prank. Steve and Mark are great in this chapter. The kind of friends Jim needs. Friends that do truly care about him, but also have no compunctions about giving him crap.
Also very astute observation by Steve. "Your Pam seemed disappointed..." Once again Jim and Pam's feelings for each other are glaringly obvious to everyone but Jim and Pam. Nice way to slip that in.
Author's Response:
Darn, I'll have to make sure to update when you're busy with people then...
Seriously, thanks for the review! I'm glad that you're enjoying the friendships; I always worry about fleshing out characters like Mark and especially Steve who have so little to do in the real show.