Date: October 24, 2020 11:09 pm Title: Shaking
Your description of Jim’s thought process around pouring his heart out is so very lovely. “I looked at you and begged you to take this sinking boat and point it home” This. It’s so good.
“You taste so good. You must know that, he must tell you all the time.” Why does this completely break my heart?! Because I feel like Pam would have no idea, because Roy would never tell her & I just...
“The clock on the wall is ticking the seconds away heavily, lazily, too far apart from each other. Perhaps the batteries are dying, these can’t be seconds. They’re too damn long.”
This is fantastic writing. I’m struggling to find the right words to convey just how lovely it is. I love this so, so much.
“And now you’re in the freezing waters with me, you’re grabbing my hand and I don’t know what to think. You’re the one that pushed me into the ocean, are you back to finish your job?”
Oh Jim. These jumbled thoughts are everything.
“It’s a smile that starts inside me before it even reaches my lips, as if the sun somehow topples down from the sky and makes a home right here in my heart.”
Perfect line is perfect. I adore this.
This whole story is absolutely wonderful and I’m so very glad that you shared it with us.
Date: October 24, 2020 10:54 pm Title: Spiraling
“She had simply shoved them in the drawer.
Turns out this was her thing.” Oh. OH. Wow. I love this, Pam rummaging through her desk drawers & only finding more of their history there. The fact she kept those particular sun chips? It’s making me feel all the feels.
The imagery of Pam’s thoughts yelling at her is achingly haunting and so very good.
“But she knew she had only missed as much as he had misinterpreted.
Nothing, that was.”
This line is truly so damn good. I love that it’s in the summary, & to find it here, where is belongs is just perfection.
“those lines that sometimes seemed to haze and others they appeared so stingingly sharp” If this isn’t truly one of the best descriptions of early seasons Jim and Pam I don’t know what is.
All the onlys... my heart.
I love everything about this so very much. Your writing is beautiful.
Date: October 19, 2020 02:05 am Title: Shaking
It's brilliant. Painfully raw, but so, so beautiful. And your writing is wonderful.
I'm sorry, I'm not good with words at all, but I'm internally screaming at how good your story (and all these little changes you brought in) is. So delicate, so pure and tender, and I love it.
I hope we'll see more stories from you!
Author's Response: Not good with words? Clearly you have no idea what you do to people because I'm flipping out reading this review. Thank you so much for everything! You're so damn lovely <3
Date: October 18, 2020 12:27 pm Title: Shaking
This was just lovely. I read it all in a sitting and while I’ve read many CN fix-it fics, I don’t think I’ve read one quite like this. The way you completely delved into Pam’s emotions was completely unique. You did a great job of stretching those moments out into the time-stopping, heart-wrenching stretches that they are in real life. And in Jim’s chapter, while I was at first thrown off by the change in perspective I think it really really works. It fits their characters so well—Pam has kind of seemed like an outsider, observing herself from a distance and not really connecting with what’s happening because she’s scared or comfortable, while Jim has taken each moment for what it means to him and likely dissected it and explained it away or asked Pam what it meant in his mind for years. I really enjoyed this a lot, and I can’t wait to see what you do next. Amazing start at MTT!
Author's Response: I know exactly what you mean by the change of perspective - and I guess it threw you off just like it threw ME off at the beginning - but I had to get a grip at that point because as soon as I started writing the second chapter in 3rd person I realized I was sounding like Pam. Or rather, I was writing in the same tone and sense that I was before, when in reality Jim has no idea what Pam's is thinking right now, he has no idea that she's gone through this whole journey of realization in the ten minutes that they've been apart. And I had to make a drastic change in order to put myself in the right mindset to portray that. And what you said makes perfect sense - It felt more real to Jim that this pivotal moment of his life, a moment that he's been waiting for years now, was written in the most personal way possible, sort of like a love letter to this girl who doesn't even know that the only fingerprints on his heart are her own. And on the other hand, Pam's out of her head at that moment, she's panicking, the carpet is pulled from under her feet and she feels like she's sort of in an alternate reality, that this cannot possibly be happening to her, this is not how it goes in her safe, boring and comfort-zone-limited life. But in reality... well, I didn't give it that much thought at all, to be honest :P It just felt right this way, and it helped me get into Jim's characters, which was pivotal for the 2nd chapter of this. And it's something I generally do when acting, thinking as the chracter in first person, so it was my safe-place, something I was familiar with. Well! In any case I'm so glad that it seems to have worked for you eventually, because I know that the switch of perspective was pretty random, but I couldn't bring myself to change it after it was written, so I tried to play with it instead :P. Thank you so much for this lovely, lovely review, it was so eye-opening for me!!
Date: October 18, 2020 09:43 am Title: Shaking
Your writing is beautiful, descriptive, and so on-point for these characters we know and love. Very well done, I loved it!!
Welcome to MTT. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for the warm welcome! And I'm so very glad you think so, your support means so much <3 Thanks!!
Date: October 17, 2020 08:43 pm Title: Shaking
And now Jim's turn. Everything I said last chapter about Pam? Yeah, same applies here. They're both finally in sync with each other. The mental trips down memory lane, the near sheer panic in their thoughts, the feeling of time standing still and this one moment dragging out so much longer than any 27 seconds on a boat.
And then thank you! We go AU! Pam realizes what her true feelings are and Jim is willing to give her the time to deal with this huge upheaval. Just lovely.
Again your ability for introspection was phenomenal. You really captured all the feelings Jim was having.
To end it with a someone return to their normal bantering friendship was a great way to take this. Likewise with Pam finally eating the chips.
The road ahead may have looked hard, but after all this, it feels like it won't be quite as bumpy till they are finally and truly together.
Outstanding job for your first story. Welcome to MTT. You knocked on out of the park with this one.
Author's Response: I can't thank you enough, honestly! And that bit about the 27 seconds? Poetry. Who's reviewing who here, omg, I'm in the wrong end of this. Thank you so much for your time and effort - you're amazing!
Date: October 17, 2020 08:25 pm Title: Spiraling
*Shakes his head for a second to regain his faculties.*
Wow! That was the best and probably most in depth look into Pam's mind for this moment I think I've ever read. Her fear, panic, anxiety, hurt, angst, everything swirling around as she tries to makes sense of what Jim just told her.
How she still tries to run away and avoid things. After so many years of denial it's familiar territory. However as the chapter goes on and she really starts to look, the revelations are everywhere.
I really loved the extended phone call with her Mom. That added so much more depth to everything. At the same time the conversation is helping her to get things back in some kind of order after they've been blown around like a cornfield after a tornado.
Only for a second tornado to come around with The Kiss.
Just superb description and narration of that moment in time. You can just feel every emotion running through her. Amazing. Onto the next chapter.
Author's Response: Honestly I must have read this review about 20 times. Everyone, listen up! The two first lines of this ^ are the purpose of this life. I've solved the most pivotal question for you all. You're welcome :) Okay no but, seriously, you'll be the death of me warrior4. Thank you so much for this review, I think I didn't breathe at all the first time I read it, it's exactly the reason why I'm doing this. Best reward ever. Thank you so much!!!
Date: October 17, 2020 12:15 pm Title: Shaking
I really enjoyed this chapter – you’ve just done a really good job exploring Jim’s emotions and describing them.
I love the note of him having planned a bunch of speeches and not actually using any of them – it just feels like a very real thing. I also appreciate you having the guts to write one, which is quite good!
The “love makes you blind” paragraph is just terrific.
Doing this in first-person was a great choice that you did a lot with – in particular I like the touch that his inner monologue is addressed to HER, showing what a defining influence she is in his life. (It allows for some really great individual lines, too – “You pulled me to you, you know that, right?” “Sorry for comparing you to a drug.”, his begging her to realize what’s going on.)
You did some strong work with the parallels to the Pam chapter – taking a deeply poetic journey through Jim’s senses and letting him run through their history, too.
This is a very solid job at capturing what a monumental, perspective-shifting experience this is for both of them.
Her kissing the palm of his hand is adorable and lovely and pretty sexy and very much a thing Pam would do all at once.
Their banter at the end is fantastic.
Quick beta note – it should be “crush” instead of “crash.”
So. Yeah. On the whole, this was fabulous, and I can’t wait to read more from you.
Author's Response: I don't even have words - both of your reviews alone can feed me emotionally for a year. I don't think I can explain how giddy I just got. You seem to have gone on a deep dive on this and that's the greatest compliment you could have given me. Seriously, you missed absolutely nothing, your comments have officially killed me, and I am so thankful to you for taking the time to read and review. Thank you so much!!
Date: October 17, 2020 12:09 pm Title: Spiraling
Yes, it’s been done before, but who gets tired of reading it? Honestly, a Casino Night or The Job fic is basically an MTT rite of passage so far as I can figure, and this is a REALLY good one.
I like what you’ve done with the Pam chapter. My favorite kind of AU is one that also helps illustrate why canon went the way it did, and you’ve done well at illustrating the forces pushing back against Pam having this sort of realization. It’s a very sold depiction of the mental turmoil Pam went through on Casino Night and her wrestling with her desire to ignore it.
The metaphor of her refusing to eat the apology chips from The Fight or acknowledge what it meant that they didn’t is great – and feels like the sort of metaphor she would actually acknowledge at this point.
The sequences of her memories of the physical sensations of being with Jim is just really well-written (I’m a sucker for this kind of use of repetition), and you do well at filling out the details of her history and offering a context for WHY she’s made the decisions she’s made.
Author's Response: I've already thanked you for both reviews in the second one but it would be the most heinous crime if I didn't respond to this one as well. You taking the time and effort to read and write all this down really means the world - I mean you know that as a fellow writer of course but... Just, thank you. Really. Ahhh, this was so lovely!
Date: October 17, 2020 12:03 pm Title: Shaking
I just read this all in one sitting, and that was fantastic. The inner ramblings of both of them were really on point and totally believable. Not to mention the fact that things go better than canon which is always a win in my book!
Job well done! Great first run at this, always good to see a new challenger approaching! I look forward to what you may choose to work on next!
Author's Response: I think I freaked out enough on discord about this review. But did I really? Is there a limit? :P Thank you so much DoomGoose, again! You're a gem <3
Date: October 17, 2020 11:26 am Title: Spiraling
I really, really enjoyed this and it is very well written! You have very descriptive imagery that just pulled me in and the phone conversation felt very authentic. Well done!
Author's Response: Omg, you're too kind! I'm so glad to hear this. Thank you so much!!