Jim paged through project spreadsheets again. This day could not possibly get any worse, he thought. His laughter with Pam in the break room resulted in more questions from Karen, questions he knew he'd not answered completely truthfully. How could he explain to Karen his relationship with Pam when he still didn't quite know what was going on between them?
He knew Pam wanted to be best friends again. She'd clearly been delighted to help prank Andy, and whenever he let his guard down around her, she was quick to warm up to him as if nothing awkward had ever happened between them. In short, she'd been more of a friend to him than he'd been to her the past few months. So on top of his guilt about Karen, he felt badly about that as well. He knew how he wished things could be, but that scenario just didn't seem likely. But how could he be friends with Pam - best friends, even - without spiraling back down into where he was a year ago? He was afraid he loved her too much to be just friends, but at the same time he also loved her too much to not be around her. So where did that leave him?
In a rapidly deteriorating mood, for a start. He printed off the spreadsheets to fax to Jan for her approval. As he walked over toward Pam's desk to get his pages, she looked up and smiled at him. He could feel his bad mood lifting almost immediately.
“You still singing your song?” He asked casually, walking around her desk towards the printer.
“I thought we agreed earlier to never mention that horrible tune ever again,” she said, cringing.
“I made no such promise,” he replied, standing behind her monitor, “and I'm sure Kelly would be concerned to hear you aren't working on building your self-esteem.”
“Well, what about you?” she said. “Surely you could benefit from your own song?”
Jim put his hands on top of her monitor. “Are you implying I have issues with self-esteem that need addressing?”
“No more than I have, and yet I have my very own song to increase my awareness of my own hotness.”
Jim couldn't help but smile. “And what song do you suggest for me, then?” He watched as Pam pursed her lips together, her eyes looking up and to the left, an expression he knew only too well as 'Pam in deep concentration'.
“Oh, I know!” she said, practically jumping up in her seat. “Every time I hear this song I think of you!”
Jim's eyebrows raised. Did she just acknowledge thinking about him? He tried not to act surprised. “And do you find yourself listening to that song a lot?”
She seemed oblivious to his implication. “Oh, yeah - I love it.”
She loved a song that reminded her of him, and she listened to it a lot. So that must mean she would think of him a lot, right? Jim wasn't sure he believed what he was hearing.
“Is it a new song?” He asked somewhat weakly. He was sure he must be reading too much into this.
“I think I first heard it sometime in August. Or September. It was definitely toward the end of summer. I know I've probably worn it out on my NonPod.” She grinned and reached over her desk to grab her mp3 player, then started scrolling through her playlists.
“What song is it?” he asked, almost insanely impatient to hear what song it was.
“It's by OK Go,” she said slowly. He noticed her smile disappearing as she stopped scrolling and put her mp3 player back down on her desk.
“Well?” Jim prompted. “Let me hear it.”
Pam shook her head, but didn't look up at him. “No. Now that I think about it, I don't think that would be the right song.”
“Why, what song is it?” he asked again.
She looked up at him briefly. “Forget it. I'll think of better song and let you know when I've found it.”
Then she did something she never normally did - she got up and walked away from Jim, heading toward the kitchen. He watched her go, wondering what was wrong. The only time she'd ever be the first to leave a conversation was if she was angry or upset with him. He didn't think either currently applied, so he took his print out and sat back down, completely baffled. As he said back down at his desk he noticed Karen was looking at him, an unhappy look on her face. He realized she must have watched their interaction at Pam's desk, and for a moment felt irritated. Girlfriend or not, he didn't like feeling that she could dictate who he could interact with. He knew then that any romantic relationship with Karen was about to come to the already suspected end.
Roughly fifteen minutes later he was pretending to be looking over his spreadsheets when she finally came back to her desk, but he had been watching her out of the corner of his eye since she stepped out of the kitchen. He immediately noticed her eyes looked a bit red, and tried in vain to figure out what he could have possibly said or done to upset her. As he played their conversation over in his mind for yet another time, it struck him that her attitude changed just at the moment she was finding the song to play for him. The song she confessed made her think of him. So what was the song about that it made her decide he didn't need to hear it? Even his normally fatalist heart found this worth pursuing.
He looked up the band in Wikipedia, hoping he could find out the song without Pam's help. They'd released eight singles, but that didn't mean the song she was referring to was any of those eight. They had five albums, so theoretically it could be one of about fifty songs. He was going to have to bug Pam about it, and the thought made him grin. He sent her an IM, to prevent catching Karen's attention.
JH: You okay?
PB: Yeah, sure. What's up?
JH: I just wanted to be sure you weren't mad at me.
PB: Why should I be?
JH: I don't know. But you seemed to leave your desk in a hurry when I was talking to you.
PB: Oh, no, it was nothing. Sorry if it looked that way.
JH: Your eyes looked a little red when you came back to your desk.
PB: Wow. Are you stalking me now?
JH: Maybe. :-)
PB: Cool. I've never had a stalker before.
JH: So, what was that song by OK Go?
PB: I told you, it's nothing. It's not the song I was thinking of.
JH: That's fine, I just want to know what song it was.
PB: Why does it matter if it's not your self-esteem song?
JH: Just curious. Maybe I want to expand my musical horizons.
Pam didn't reply immediately, and soon after Michael called her into his office.
Jim gave her a pointed look as she walked by, and she rolled her eyes back at him. When Jim saw Pam close Michael's door, he got up from his desk with the intention of finally faxes his printouts to Jan. As he waited for the sheets to run through the fax machine, he leaned against the filing cabinets behind Pam's desk and casually glanced around. Michael's blinds were open, but Pam's back was to the windows. He had the perfect opportunity to have a glance at her mp3 player and find the song, except it was no longer sitting on her desk. Damn her, he grinned to himself, she's certainly a shrewd opponent. Taking a glance around the office, he was confident enough in the fact that he wasn't being watched that he took a quick peek in her desk drawers, but still could not find it. When he heard Michael's door opening, he turned back around and gathered his papers. Pam met him halfway between her desk and his.
“Can I help you with anything?” she asked, a wry smile on her face.
“Nope, just sending a fax,” he replied as he continued to his desk.
He didn't have long to wait for her IM comment.
PB: Here's a tip: next time make sure you close the desk drawers completely. It makes it much less obvious that you were snooping around.
JH: I wasn't snooping! (Who says that was me?)
PB: Who else would it be?
JH: How would I know? Maybe you are withholding song title information to other people in this office.
PB: Get over it already!
JH: Tell me the title and I will!!
PB: You're being impossible. It's just a stupid song.
JH: I'm being impossible?? And yes, I am sure it's just a stupid song. Which is why I am so fascinated as to why you won't tell me what it is. Is it one of the songs they released as a single?
Pam didn't reply. Jim looked at the clock and noticed it was already coming up to four-thirty. If he didn't find out before she left for the end of the day, he knew he'd lose any chance of getting the information out of her. He stood up and walked back to the reception counter, resting his forearms on the counter and gripping the edge in semi-serious frustration.
“Okay, here's the deal,” he said. “I'm going to stand right here until you give up the song title.”
Pam looked up at him, and Jim thought she looked a little anxious. “Be my guest,” she replied. She went back to sorting the folders on her desk.
Jim stood there and watched the second hand sweep around his watch face twice before speaking again. “Seriously, why is this such a big deal?”
“It's not,” Pam replied. “The song just doesn't fit you. I forgot that it was really written for a girl, not a guy.”
Jim shrugged. “That doesn't mean it doesn't fit me,” he replied, which made her laugh. “All we care about it is that it reminds me I'm hot.”
“Well, that's the other thing,” she said, focusing her gaze on the manila folders in front of her, “there really isn't a catchy hook in the music, so it's not that memorable the way mine is. I'm sure an insidious tune would be a requirement.”
Jim sighed. He watched Stanley and Kevin leave for the evening and knew he was running out of time. “Pam, just give me the damn iPod.”
“It's not an iPod. It's a NonPod.”
“Whatever. Just hand it over before you make me crazy.”
She looked up at him. “Make you crazy?”
“Make me crazy-er then.” He put out his hand. “Please.”
She shook her head. “I'm telling you to just forget it. You are making too big a deal over this.”
“Me?” He put his head in both of his hands for a moment. “Okay, listen. If you don't either tell me the title or give me your NonPod so I can hear the song, I'm going to come around and wrestle it off of you.”
“You wouldn't dare.” She had a challenge in her eye but Jim saw she was fighting not to smile.
“Just watch me.” They stared at each other. “Okay, on a count of three I'm walking around your desk. One, two, three.” Pam remained unmoved. “Okay, you were warned.” Jim walked around her desk and grabbed her wrists, turning her in her chair to face him as he knelt down in front of her. “Now hand it over or I move on to the body search.”
Pam's giggle was a little too loud and Jim knew those left in the office were now watching the show. He banked on Pam knowing this as well, and sure enough she finally gave in.
“Fine,” she sighed, her cheeks flushing at the fact everyone was staring. “Let me go and I'll give it to you.”
Jim released her but didn't stand up yet. She fished it out of her cardigan pocket and handed it to him. “The song is called You're So Damn Hot.” She turned back toward her desk.
He stood up, grinning in victory. “Thank you,” he said magnanimously.
“Go away,” she grumbled.
He laughed lightly as he walked back to his desk. He could barely contain his excitement at finally finding out what song made Pam think of him all this time. He couldn't care less about the self-esteem raising issue that had started this entire little war; that was just the excuse that brought about this whole lark. He knew that all her resistance today had to mean something. He had spent this whole time back in Scranton completely in the dark as to her feelings for him. Surely this song would give him some insight.
He was so nervous that it took him two tries to successfully insert the ear buds. He smiled at the knowledge that these were her ear buds. Anyone else's and he would have used his own, but he was just goofy enough to have it mean something to use hers, and yet mindful enough to know he was a dork that it mattered to him. When he turned the mp3 player on the song was already cued up. He wondered if she'd listened to it at some point during their verbal tug-of-war. He pressed play and listened carefully.
I saw you sliding out the bar.
I saw you slipping out the back door, baby.
Don't even try and find a line this time, it's fine.
Darling, you're still divine.
It was not at all what he was expecting, even though he had no idea what to expect. He listened to it again, and then once more.
You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll, but you're...
You're so damn hot.
He listened to the song as he watched people leave for the evening. He pulled up the lyrics from the OK Go website so he could be absolutely sure that the song said what he thought it said. He kept his eyes on the lyrics while Karen walked passed him. She didn't stop to say good night. He must have listened to the song close to ten times. It was after five o'clock by the time he took the ear buds out.
Jim felt like he was in shock. Despite his best efforts to think negatively, the only way he could interpret the song, knowing that Pam said she thought of him when she heard it, was to think that she cared for him in some way. That she had feelings for him that were more just friendship. It was a funny little song, and the feelings implied seemed more sexy than romantic, but Jim didn't see the need to split hairs. There was something going on in her head, and maybe her heart, in regards to him. And that completely floored him. Or was it hope that made him suddenly feel weak with the need to confront her?
He turned around in his chair and was a little surprised to find Pam still sitting at her desk, looking back at him. She looked a little sad, or maybe she was just tired. Jim stood up and walked over. He handed her back her mp3 player, and she took it silently and put it in the top drawer of her desk. She got up and took her coat off the rack. Jim took a deep breath and bit his lip. It was now or never, again. The two of them alone in the office, again. At least this time the lights were on.
“So,” he said slowly, walking toward her with his messenger bag on his shoulder. “Interesting song. You listen to it a lot, huh?”
“Yeah, sometimes,” she replied, glancing only briefly at him as she put her coat on.
“And the song makes you think of me, huh?” Jim put his coat on as well. He wasn't about to let her run off.
“Yeah, sometimes,” she said again, this time keeping her eyes on the floor. They walked toward the door together. Jim opened it, allowing Pam to pass in front of him.
“So that must mean you think I'm hot.” There, he'd said it out loud. His heart could quit beating out of his chest now, he thought.
“No,” Pam replied as they walked toward the elevator. He thought he was going to be ill at her reply until he saw she was starting to smile. “Actually I think you're So Damn Hot. Or didn't you bother to listen to the song?”
He couldn't help but laugh as he followed her into the elevator. “I stand corrected.” He stood next to her, and when their hands brushed against each other, he grabbed hers and held it. They looked at each other and smiled, then both looked away.
He continued holding on to her hand as they walked out to her car. He didn't want to let it go then, but he knew he had to. He needed to go talk to Karen, no matter how much he might prefer to follow Pam somewhere. Follow Pam anywhere, really.
He felt like he was dazed. “I...Well, there are things I need to take care of tonight, but I wondered if you might like to do something on Friday.”
“Friday?” she replied, looking down at their linked hands. “Would that be like a date?”
Jim flashed his uniquely Jim smile. “Yeah, a date would be exactly what I'd call it.”
“How could I possibly turn down someone so damn hot?”
He could feel himself blushing but he didn't care in the least. “I'm hoping you can't.”
It was Pam's turn to blush. She looked up at him for what seemed like forever to Jim. Then she surprised him by reaching up and placing a quick, tentative kiss on his lips. “You're right. I can't. Friday sounds great.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's official - I am incapable of ending a story on anything but a fluffy Jam ending. So here's chapter 2, as a few of people have requested..... funny and sweet and very, very fluffy...!
Chapter End Notes:
YOU'RE SO DAMN HOT
I saw you sliding out the bar.
I saw you slipping out the back door, baby.
Don't even try and find a line this time, it's fine. Darling, you're still divine.
You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll, but you're...
You're so damn hot.
So now you're headed to your car.
You say it's dinner with your sister, sweetie.
But darling look at how you're dressed. Your best suggests
another kind of guest.
You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll, but you're...
You're so damn hot.
So who's this other guy you've got?
Which other rubes are riding hot-shot, sugar?
I could have swore you said before, "No more, for sure." What'd I believe you for?
You don't love me at all, but don't think that it bothers me at all.
You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll, but you're...
You're so damn hot.
More OK Go awesomeness at: http://www.okgo.net/music_music.asp
I thought about Jim Halpert the very first time I heard this song, ages ago. Then I discovered that the fabulous DementedRiku had made a fanvideo for Jim, Pam and Dwight using this song over at YouTube - go enjoy, especially if you've never heard the song before!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhkH_SaCW_Q
time4moxie is the author of 77 other stories.
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