Don’t own nothing but my enduring optimism in these characters.

 ‘Til Death

The air in the conference room was warmer than the area by the door where Pam sat. It was the first thing she noticed as she walked into the room. The second, of course, was Jim, sitting at the conference room table, looking at her. He didn’t say a word, and for a terrifying moment she couldn’t read his expression. “Are you OK?” she finally managed to say.

Jim took a deep breath, exhaling with a whoosh between his lips. “Not really.”

Pam didn’t decide to move toward him, exactly- she just found herself sitting next to him. Side by side felt safer- close but without having to look into his eyes. “Is she- ?”

He nodded. “Leaving. Yeah.”

“Oh. I’m – I’m sorry.” It was true. Pam liked Karen. She liked her and she knew Jim liked her, and she felt guilty for wishing Karen would leave.

Jim continued to look straight ahead, but he nodded a bit. “She asked me to come with her. She has a job offer back in Connecticut and she thinks it would be a good opportunity for me, too. A real fresh start, on neutral territory.” He snorted a laugh. “That’s what she called it. ‘Neutral territory.’”

“Like in a war?”

“Yeah.” He sounded like he’d been through a battle- exhausted, injured, thirsty. Pam watched herself take his hand. It was warm and she thought her own hand looked tiny and delicate against it.

“Do you want to go with her? You need to be happy.” A part of her soul screamed in agony at the thought of him leaving again. However, Pam was well practiced at ignoring her deepest emotions, and she put that skill to use for his benefit for a change. She loved him too much to do otherwise.

Jim slowly raised his eyes from their clasped hands and looked at her. “Pam?” It was the last gasp of a dying man.

Pam saw the yearning in his eyes and her skin flushed all over. Whatever had been noble and self-sacrificing within her just a second before turned into desperation. “I don’t want you to go with her. It will…it will kill me to lose you again. I love you and I’m so sorry for how…how very screwed up this all is. I – I love you.”

Jim closed his eyes briefly and inhaled. He squeezed her hand, opened his eyes, and gave her a half-smile that promised healing and felt like home. “I already told her I couldn’t go.”

***** 

Jim sat in his parked car and took a deep breath. He had just gotten home from Karen’s apartment. He’d told her everything (finally), apologized as sincerely as he could, and had left when she asked him to go. He felt guilty, but not sorry. Sitting on his stoop, huddled up in her puffy coat, the woman he loved was waiting for him. He smiled and got out of the car.