Pam loved Christmas at the office. Everyone was so cheery, and it was an altogether good time. Knowing that she wouldn't have to do much work today helped her roll out of bed and put some tea on her favorite teal teapot. Her beaming smile fell as she remembered what happened last year at the Christmas Party.
She still beat herself up every day for causing so much pain to Jim...At the time she had had no idea how personal his gift was.
Pam, that was a year ago. Things have changed so much. I'm sure he barely even remembers last year's party. Right?
She forced herself to stop thinking about Jim, (a common occurrence these days) sat down, and opened her mail that she didn't open yesterday. She was opening this year's Christmas card from her mom, which had read Pam on an off-white envelope. Nothing to get emotional about. But this card reminded her of another card. Her hands started shaking as she remembered the card stuffed in that very teapot a year ago. The card that represented everything left unsaid between them. The card that served as a metaphor for the endless optimism between them. The card he took away.
She unceremoniously dropped the card on the table, half-opened. As she went upstairs to get changed, she tried to ignore the sick feeling she got in her stomach as she looked on her desk, seeing an old yearbook picture that used to make her laugh hysterically, but these days served as a bittersweet reminder of happier days. She couldn't help but chuckle when she saw it, however. That picture always seemed to lift her spirits.
When she got to work, she settled in, ready for a light day when Dwight waltzed in and plopped a dead goose on her desk as if it was a fax she needed to look over. She voiced her disgust and was relieved when he took it to go clean it in his car, with Toby's reluctant approval.
She sat through the rest of the day putting up with Michael's antics, and trying to eavesdrop on Michael's conversation with Carol. She really didn't mean to. But it was more interesting than her faxes. The rest of the day seemed to go by so slowly, which wasn't helped by the Party Planning Committee Meeting. That didn't go well at all. But she was so excited to give Jim his present. She knew he would love it.
Pam was caught off-guard when Karen came over and sat on the edge of Jim's desk, clearly flirting with him. That's when she decided to embark on an engaging game of Sudoku, just so she wouldn't have to see them.
Oh, come on, Pam. He's your best friend. You're happy for him. Right? ...Right.
It was these pep talks she gave herself whenever he was around that made her realize that maybe she wanted more from their friendship. Jim's voice, choked up and hoarse, rang in her memory so vividly...
I want to be more than that.
"Psst. Jim." She leaned over her desk and smiled when Jim turned around, his brown hair more disheveled than usual. She was so excited to give him his present. He was going to be proud of her, initiating her own prank! She smiled as he leaned over her desk and grabbed a jelly bean, just like the old days.
"For the past few weeks, I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA."
As she saw him laugh, so pleased with her handiwork, she felt an odd feeling in her stomach. One she hadn't felt in a long time.
Hope. That's what it's called. Hope...
Her smile begin to fall as she saw him politely refuse her present. She was caught off-guard, not ready for this reaction. What had she done wrong? "Oh, that's fine...No problem...I understand." she said hastily. She had planned every other reaction of his out in her head, most of which were certainly wishful thinking. But never had she even thought that he would refuse her gift.
She immediately thought of a Christmas party so long ago...
"Well, I mean...it's an iPod."
"Oh, that's fine...No problem. I understand."
I can't do this anymore...
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
