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Jim stopped off at the store for a six pack of beer on his way home. He couldn’t shake Karen’s last words to him,

“When Pam said she wasn’t into you, she was totally lying.”

He kept hearing those words all afternoon, missing countless opportunities to ridicule Dwight about whether the Ben Franklin in their office was the real Ben Franklin.  He kept turning around to talk to Pam, but she wasn’t there.  In fact, he could have sworn that stripper was wearing one of Pam’s old shirts.  “Get a hold of yourself Halpert, you’re starting to hallucinate Pam everywhere”. Course, he already had flashes in his mind of Pam doing a striptease behind the desk.   

As he walked into his apartment, he couldn’t decide whether he should get drunk, or call Pam.  Maybe he should get drunk and call Pam.  If Karen was telling the truth, there is a chance that Pam really does have feelings for him.  Six months ago he would have killed for that kind of hope.  But right now, all he felt was fear and confusion.

Looking back on the last few months, he can’t tell whether she’s been trying to show her interest in him, or just trying to maintain their old relationship.  If she were interested why didn’t she call him after he left?  Why did he have to hear about her cancelled wedding from Phyllis?  Of course, when they finally did talk, it was just like nothing had ever come between them.  And maybe there was something more in her voice, but was that all in his mind?  He wished she knew that it had taken hours for him to come down off of the high of that call.

When he came back to Scranton, she looked beautiful and she hugged him so tightly.  He wondered if she had done her hair in those loose curls just for him.  Probably not, but he definitely noticed.  And come to think of it, she did ask him out to coffee, but then she reverted back to acting like this was just a casual friendship.  Wasn’t she at all upset that he was seeing Karen? 

She did help him get through his first real fight with Karen, helping them stay together.  Would she have done that if she wanted him?  Of course he did that when she and Roy were fighting, and he loved her the entire time.

But why did she ask Ryan to set her up on a date?  What the hell did that mean?  Was she trying to get his attention, because if that was her intention it totally worked!  It felt like a punch in the stomach - It felt like “I can’t” all over again. 

He wondered if she still would want that date if she knew that he and Karen broke up? 

He kicked off his shoes and settled down on his couch with the whole six pack on his coffee table.  He needed for Pam to make the first move.  Frankly, he couldn’t risk her rejection a second time, it nearly killed him the first time.  He stared at his cell phone feeling the familiar itch in his fingers to dial her number.  He can’t risk telling her how much he loves her, but maybe he can force her to tell him how she feels.

Pam sat on her couch across town staring at the news but not really listening.  She hadn’t moved from this spot since she got home earlier this afternoon.  Her eyes were puffy from crying and she had an urge to throw something at the TV.  How could she have been so foolish?  She thought that their kiss would still be haunting him like it was haunting her.  But apparently the only thing haunting his nights these days was Karen.

How dare he?  He'd turned her life upside down in a moment, with his lips, his hands, and the tender emotion in his voice.  He destroyed her life with Roy – she could barely look at him when she got home that night, and when he moved to touch her she pretended she was asleep.  She knew that she rejected Jim and she knew that she had hurt him.  But she also called off her wedding.  How could he not know that was because of him, because of what he made her feel?  Does he have any idea how hard it was for her?

Why had she turned him away? When the moment came, she panicked.  She had been struggling with her emotions all last spring, going back and forth as to what she wanted.  She hadn’t been ready to admit her feelings to herself or to Jim.  Most of the time, she rationalized that it was just the newness of him, versus the routine of her life with Roy.  It wasn’t really love; it was just friendship.  It was pre-wedding jitters.  But the closer she got to her wedding day, the more she realized that her feelings for Jim were about more than that.  Apparently that realization came a little too late.

Did she really miss her only chance? Why couldn’t he have waited for her to work through all the emotions?  If he loved her so much, why was it all or nothing on that one night?  Could he not hear her love for him when they talked? Could he not feel how much she had longed for him when they embraced?  Why couldn’t he tell how much she missed being his partner in crime; how much she wanted to be his partner for everything?  How could he have moved on so quickly?  The tears streamed down her face again when she heard her cell phone ring.

 “Pull yourself together Pam!” she muttered as she reached for her phone.  Her heart froze when she saw the name “Halpert” on the caller id.  She paused to decide if she should answer it.

She steadied her voice and said, “Hello?”