“Beesly.”  He dragged out each syllable like he was savoring the fact that he was addressing her.  “You left early today. I just wanted to call and make sure that you’re okay?”

“Hi,” Pam sniffled a little, she was congested from that last bout of crying.  Luckily, she could play it off as part of her illness, “I’m just battling this head cold.  Today really wore me out so I decided to leave early.”

Pam sounded like she was exhausted.  Jim felt tired too, worn out by this emotional rollercoaster he’s been on the last few months.  He wondered if she could be weary for the same reason.

“Too much Michael, huh?”

“Too much of a lot of people.”

He paused, was he one of those people?  He shifted forward uneasily and put his elbows on his knees.

“Pam, um, do you need anything?  Juice, Nyquil, those Kleenexes with the lotion?”

She paused for a moment trying to figure out what his motive was in asking.  Her voice trembled slightly,

“No I’m good, thanks.  I’m not sure Karen would like to spend her evening bringing me Kleenex.”

She clearly wasn’t doing a great job hiding her jealousy, she felt like her voice betrayed her every emotion.  She didn’t really want to talk to him while she was so vulnerable, although part of her was enjoying just hearing his voice.  He really had such an amazing voice, and she unconsciously curled up cradling the phone.

Jim did fear rejection from her, but he feared going slowly insane over her even more.  He had to know if Karen was right, so he pushed on.

“Hmmm, about that, I had a long talk with Karen….” 

 “Yeah….so you said.  Five of them.”

He called her at home while she was sick to give her a Karen – Jim play by play?  She was a basket of nerves and emotions for Jim and she worried that at any moment they might come spilling out.  

“Anyway, we kind of broke up.”

“Oh…….I’m sorry to hear that.”  She sounded very far away to Jim, like she was distracted somehow, like she was holding back.

“Are you?”

She snapped back to attention.  “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know Pam, you tell me. Why would you be happy that I’m no longer involved with someone?”

She could not figure out how to respond.  He wasn’t seriously suggesting they talk about this was he?   Tonight?  Conversations on the phone were dangerous, she might get too comfortable and say too much.  And what if she misinterpreted his meaning, which was obviously easy to do when you couldn’t see each other.  She would stall.

“Jim, this may not be a great conversation to have over the phone.”

“Agreed, but I think we really need to talk.  I….I could come over.”

Pam felt her heart pounding in her chest.  She wanted to see him, and she wanted to clear the air, but she was terrified.  He would actually be in her apartment.  He would be looking at her things, her art, her old photographs.  While he would be on her turf, surrounded by her, could she be in control?    This conversation was tremendously important to her, and promised to be emotional.  She was terrified to do this tonight, but couldn’t endure another day like today.

“You really wanna do this now?  You just broke up with Karen…..”

He sighed and he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Pam, this conversation is years overdue, and  I don’t want to wait anymore.”  He sounded absolutely serious and the intensity in his voice frightened and exited Pam.

“Jim.”  Pam pleaded into the phone.

“Please let me come over.” 

Her stomach tightened at the tone of his voice.  She had to learn from her mistakes, she wouldn’t let this chance pass again.

“Okay.”