“What does this mean?” Jim asks as he stares down at the thin piece of paper before him. It’s a late afternoon on one of the first hot summer days and the aging a/c has driven most  of the office out early.  Jim had gone out on a sales call, and Pam had stayed back in the hope of catching him alone in the office. And he’d come back. And she’d handed him the letter. And now as he reads it, Pam is suddenly unsure of how to answer his questions.

Pam shruggs her shoulders avoiding his line of sight, and bites her lip in consternation. Isn’t this what you expected, why are you so surprised that he’s upset. Because he has no right to move on and expect me to stay right here.  “It’s an…it’s an acceptance letter to RISD, and a scholarship…I didn’t think I had even a tiny shot but my art teacher at school, she kind of convinced me and I think an MFA will be totally exciting and RISD is the most amazing school...and I think that…well why wouldn’t I take it?” She hates herself for doing it but she looks up at Jim as she says this, her eyes almost pleading with him to make her stay. 

He doesn’t take the bait; he hasn’t taken it in months.  She doubts he’ll ever take it again. 

“It sounds amazing,” he says as he finally looks up to meet her gaze, he smiles that 100 watt smile of his and Pam melts all over. “So what, when do you leave?” he asks hesitantly, “I’m guessing sometime in the fall, right. Wow, this is really something Pam…”

“I’m leaving next week,” she says, the words tumbling out of her mouth.

“What, I’m not sure…” he shakes his head ever so slightly, he seems too mystified to even quirk his eyebrows questioningly.

Now it is she who cannot meet his gaze instead she plays with an invisible piece of thread hanging from the bottom of her cardigan, “I’m actually starting in the summer, there was this great class I wanted to take, and I just wanted to…you know I just needed to get out of here.”

“I don’t understand, when did you apply?” he asks as the confusion on his face is slowly replaced by hurt.

The day you moved in with Karen “4 months ago”

“And you got accepted…”

“Two months ago,” he turns away from her as he hears her words.

She reaches out to lay a tentative hand on her back and then thinks better of it, Not my place anymore.  “Jim”

“Why didn’t you tell me? And I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you mean by ‘getting out of here.’ After almost 5 years of working here you decide that enough is enough and poof you’re gone? What about everyone here, don’t you think they deserved more than a ‘thanks for the laughs’ before you leave at the end of the week. Christ Pam it’s already Wednesday.” His voice cracks on the word Wednesday and Pam knows from the sound of his voice that he’s trying to hold back tears.

“I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure that I was going to do the summer session at all, I kind of decided to do that recently.”  The day I heard you and Karen joking around about engagement rings in the break room to be exact. 

“What are you going to tell Michael?” he asks as he finally turns towards her, his eyes rimmed with unshed tears.

“I already told him.” She whispers and then she blinks a few seconds too long, hoping that if she does she’ll miss the look of anguish on his face.

“So who else knows?” he asks bitterly

“Kelly, Phyllis, Angela, Oscar and Dwight and Roy I guess.” Her voice drops with each name and by now he’s sunk into his desk chair his left hand entangled in his hair.

“Wow Pam, so I guess I’m literally the last to know, oh wait that would be Creed right, I guess I should be happy that I found out before Creed,” he grimaces and then as he looks her in the eye, “seriously Beesley, Dwight?” he jokes and they both laugh and for a split second it seems almost Ok.  “So why was I the last to know, I thought we were better now, I thought that things had started to…I don’t know”

Pam could see that he wasn’t about to drop this and in a way she could understand how he felt blindsided, it was more than a year since Casino Night and since then they had somehow managed to work there way back to a tenuous friendship. After Phyllis’ wedding when she and Roy had gotten back together for a few weeks things had reached their lowest point in their friendship. Yet at her art show he had come and they had talked, finally; and she had kissed him, finally; and he had told her that he was trying to get over her and she had nodded and that was that. Somehow, her revelation of her desire for him and his rejection of her had put them back on equal footing and now they were friends. But Pam wasn’t doing so well at the getting over him part or the moving on part and the hope that blossomed in her heart every time that she did something that he just Got refused to die. So Pam was going to kill that little sapling of hope; she was literally going move as far as she could and put as much space as she could between this man she couldn’t stop loving and herself. All she had to do was get through this.

“Jim, it’s really not that big of a deal,” play it cool Beesley “I mean it’s a good opportunity that I took advantage of; I mean you’re the one who always encouraged me to be more than just a secretary. So technically this is all your fault,” she plasters a grin on her face, but she knows it looks more like a grimace, “besides, you don’t need me anymore; you’re probably going to be out of here soon anyway on your way up the corporate ladder.” She tries a laugh this time but nothing comes out. She works her way around her desk and perches ever so lightly on the desk next to his.  “It’s not like we spend that much time together anymore that you’ll even notice I’m gone,” she can’t help but deliver this last parting shot, a reminder that he’s changed, that it’s him who doesn’t need her anymore.

“You know I need you.”

That simple phrase is enough to finally crack her façade and she can’t stop the tears from rolling down her face even if she wanted to. He reaches up and pulls her into his lap and she manages to wrap her arms around his neck and let loose a few good sobs before the feeling of his hand on her back begins to distract her. “I’m going to miss you so much,” she mumbles into his neck and she’s not sure if she’s telling him or herself.

“I don’t think I can do it, I can’t stay here if you’re gone,” he says as he shakes his head into her shoulder.

She pulls away ever so slightly and looks him in the eye, “Then come with me, or we can go to Philly or New York if it’s easier for you to find a job there,” she says in a rush of words.

He closes his eyes, “Karen and I signed a six month lease.”

It’s enough for her to know that it’s a no go but she’ not ready to leave his embrace yet, because she knows that this is it for them. “I guess it was never really a choice between me and her, huh?” she asks, she really is turning into a bit of a masochist “I can understand that, she drinks beer and plays video games and she’s gorgeous and smart and can sing like an angel,” and he’s nodding as the tears are running down her face. “But I make better paper doves right?” and that’s what does it.

He’s kissing her face and her neck and all the places where tears have turned her skin a little blotchy, “Don’t you ever think that she’s better than you,” he growls into her ear, “you’re perfect,” she gulps and she knows it’s now or never; if she doesn’t get up now she’s never leaving.  And she's got to leave. Not only is this the best opportunity she's ever had, she knows that there's absolutely nothing left here to hold her back.

She untangles herself from his embrace and the loss of his arms around her almost hurts.

“I’m not going to ask you to choose. I know that you two went ring shopping. And I honestly hope that you’ll be happy, because that’s really what I’ve always wanted. But I’m not as brave as you Jim, I can’t stay and watch the show.” She gives him 15 seconds to tell her stay, to tell her he loves her, after 11 have gone by in silence she shuts her eyes tight to squeeze out the last few tears and turns and walks out the door.