The sound of hushed giggles coming from the reception area roused his attention. He’d been getting pretty good at avoiding her lately…but he couldn’t ignore those giggles. He turned slowly, in an effort to remain unnoticed. He glanced up quickly, then paused. Pam appeared to be giggling at thin air. He felt one of his eyebrows ascend to a position of noncommittal interest.

She was definitely giggling. But she was focused somewhere…somewhere behind her desk. Then he heard another giggle. It wasn’t Pam’s, but it was just as familiar. He grinned. Sasha’s sweet little laugh had always made him smile. It couldn’t be helped. He used to imagine that that was what Pam sounded like when she was a child.

Moments later, Pam straightened, a smirk on her face, as Sasha happily bounced out from behind her desk, heavily laden with toys, and headed back towards her father’s desk. Jim turned to face her tiny marching self, a wide smile on his face, a witty remark at the ready…but she walked right past him without so much as a glance in his direction.

He glanced up at Pam, confused, but she had already turned back to her computer. Irritated, he turned back to face his desk, and glanced up at Karen. She too was otherwise engaged. He huffed quietly to himself. He wouldn’t be able to work until he knew why he was being snubbed by his favorite five-year-old.

A few minutes later, he heard small footsteps marching across the carpet again. He looked up as she headed towards him. He straightened immediately, determined to win her back over. As she approached his desk, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and smiled. “Hey, Sasha. What’s up?”

The girl paused momentarily, gave him a blank stare, and walked away. His mouth dropped open. What the hell? He turned his head slowly and watched as she walked back behind the reception desk and out of sight. Pam bent over and spoke to her, This was followed by some more giggling and whispering. His brow furrowed.

Put off by the obvious rebuff, he decided to go straight to the big man. He got up and tracked him down in the break room, where he was getting a fresh cup of coffee.

“Hey, Toby. I, uh…just saw Sasha. She didn’t seem too thrilled to see me.” He tried to keep the pleading tone out of his voice, but he desperately wanted to know what was going on.

Toby took his time stirring his coffee. Finally, he sighed heavily and turned to face Jim. He seemed more somber than usual…if that was possible. He shrugged awkwardly and his mouth twisted up on one side in a half-frown.

“Well…I don’t know if you remember…I mean, you were pretty distracted with the transfer and all, but… Do you remember the week you left?” Jim nodded, unsure of what all of that had to do with Sasha’s apparent distaste for him. “Well…you were supposed to baby-sit her for me that Friday night. And she was pretty excited about it. So…I mean, when I told her you weren’t going to be able to do it…” He shrugged again, unwilling to explain further.

Jim hunched slightly in defeat. He’d forgotten all about that. He’d just been so distracted by…well, he hadn’t intended to transfer so soon, and… He sighed. “She was pretty bummed, huh?”

Toby nodded, obviously uncomfortable. “Yeah. I tried to explain your transfer to her, but she just got more upset when she realized that you probably weren’t coming back. I guess she thought you would’ve said goodbye or something.” He looked up, suddenly anxious that he was coming across as accusatory. “I mean, I tried to tell to her that grown-ups don’t usually take the time to say goodbye to every single person they know when they move, but…I mean, she’s five years old… I’m really sorry, Jim.”

Jim couldn’t stop looking at his shoes. No wonder Sasha was mad at him. He’d skipped out on her the same way he’d skipped out on… He tried to shake it off. “She, uh…seems to be getting along with Pam, though, huh?”

Toby brightened immediately. “Oh! Yeah. I mean, I still needed a babysitter that Friday, and Pam was nice enough to cover, and I think Sasha really enjoyed having a girl to talk to for once, so… Plus, when Pam called off the engagement, I think she was kinda lonely, you know? She volunteered to baby-sit Sasha whenever, and she even took her out on a couple of weekends to the zoo and stuff. They really hit it off. And Pam’s really helped her come out of her shell.” He smiled and looked down at his coffee, stirring it a little more than absolutely necessary.

“Come out of her shell?” Jim prodded. He was torn a little. On the one hand, he didn’t want to hear about how great Pam was and how lonely she’d been and how she’d helped Sasha when he’d abandoned them both…but on the other hand, he felt like he had to know. Like he owed it to them to understand it all.

Toby nodded, smiling in a shy, unpracticed way. “Yeah. You know how she was. She could go all day without stringing three words together.”

Jim smiled softly. “Yeah, I wonder where she got that from.”

Toby grinned and ducked his head. “Well, Pam made up this silly word game, and… I don’t know, Sasha’s really opened up since then. They’ve got their own little code, with made up meanings and stuff. They think it’s funny to do it in front of people who don’t understand it.”

Jim cocked an eyebrow. “Secret code, huh? Sounds diabolical.”

“Nah,” Toby responded. “They just mash words together and give them new meanings. I don’t really get it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s weird. But Sasha gets a kick out of it, and it really upsets her mother, so…” He smiled and shrugged again, then took a sip of his coffee. It was lukewarm. He looked at his watch, and realized they’d been chatting for a while. “Oh. You know, I should probably get back to work.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, sure. Of course. I’ll, uh…I’ll see if I can clear the air with Sasha.”

Toby smiled. “That’d be great.” He walked back to his desk with his cup of warm coffee.

Jim turned and looked through the glass, watching as Pam and Sasha whispered and giggled together. He wondered if they were using their secret code. He wondered if they held any semblance to the words he and Pam had invented so many months ago. As he watched, Pam motioned towards the break room, and Sasha nodded before heading back towards him.

For a moment, he was tempted to duck, as if he’d been caught spying. But years of pranks had taught him to act natural under any and all circumstances. If you look like you’re supposed to be there, people will believe you are supposed to be there. As Sasha walked past Dwight’s desk, he had a brilliant idea. Bribery. Sasha always loved bribery. He headed for the vending machines and popped in some change. By the time Sasha entered the room, he was sitting at the small table with an unopened grape soda in front of him.

“Hey, Sasha,” he called out. She paused again, but this time she didn’t look at him. He bit his lip. “Hey, uhh…I got you a grape soda.”

He could almost see her ears perk up, as she turned slightly towards him. “With a bendy straw?”

He grinned and showed her the straw he’d snagged from the condiment drawer. “Naturally.”

She reluctantly turned to face him. The haughty expression on her face was her way of saying that he wasn’t yet forgiven. But she slowly approached the table, climbed into one of the chairs, and held out her hand for the proffered treat. Jim tilted his head at her, opened the soda, dropped in the straw, and pushed it across the small table.

She leaned forward, nipped at the straw with her tiny lips, and began to sip daintily.

“Sasha,” he greeted her warmly.

“Mister Jim,” she replied evenly.

“So,” he started softly. “Your dad told me that you’ve gotten to be pretty good friends with Pam.” Sasha glared up at him. He changed tactics and went straight for groveling. “Look, Sasha. I’m really sorry about what happened. I promise, I really wanted to say goodbye to you, but I just didn’t have enough time before I had to leave.” She remained unconvinced. “Come on, Sasha. You know you’re my favorite girl.”

“Nuh-uh,” she whispered. “Karen’s your favorite girl now.”

Jim’s mouth dropped. “What?”

Sasha glanced up at him, then immediately away. Apparently, she hadn’t thought he’d be able to hear her. Well, she was only five.

“Sasha,” he urged. “What do you know about Karen?”

“She’s how come you don’t like Pam anymore,” Sasha muttered unhappily, glancing through the glass towards reception. “Karen’s her end.”

Jim shook his head minutely, unable to understand. “The end of what?”

Sasha glared at him as if he was somehow mentally challenged. “Not the end. Her end.”

Jim struggled not to frown at the young girl. Either she had no idea how frustrating she was, or she had a very good idea. Either way, there wasn’t much he could do about it without possibly upsetting her all over again. Stay calm. Stay calm. He took a deep breath before speaking. “Okay. What does that mean?”

She frowned. “Well…” She glanced through the glass once more, as if the sight of Pam alone would give her the answer she was looking for.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I…don’t know if I’m ‘apposed to tell you.”

“Why not?”

Her face scrunched adorably in confusion. “Because…they’re just ‘apposed to be ours. But…some of them are kinda yours too, so…”

“What are?”

“Our swords,” she replied. She grimaced at him, as if she was dissatisfied with his level of intelligence.

“Swords,” he repeated. Not a question, just an uncertain statement.

“Secret words,” she whispered, as if Pam might somehow overhear her traitorous answer.

“Secret…because they’re just yours, right?”

“Right!” she exclaimed happily, obviously glad that he was beginning to catch on.

“Okay,” Jim said. This conversation was getting weirder and weirder…but he was determined to get some definitive answers. “So then, why are some of them mine too?”

“Because we made ‘em up just for you,” she declared. “They’re germs.”

“Let me guess…Jim words?” She smiled brightly at him, and he could feel his chest loosening a bit. This was sort of working. “Alright. Then is ‘end’ a germ?” She nodded eagerly. “Well, what does that one mean?”

“That one’s cuz of Karen. Pam says she’s her end. Cuz she’s really nice and funny, so she’s her friend. But she took you away and stole her paper, so she’s her…” She obviously struggled for the word. “…her iminy, too.”

Jim remained silent for a moment. “Do you mean enemy, Sasha?” She smiled happily at him and nodded her head. He looked down and shut his eyes tightly. What did this mean? Was Pam actually jealous? He needed to focus. “Okay, what do you mean she took me away and stole her paper?”

Sasha looked up for a bit, as if looking for the right words. She took a few sips of soda, and finally nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell you. My daddy always says that I should tell him when I’m not happy, and I think Pam should tell you too, but she doesn’t. So I’ll tell you for her.”

“Thanks. I think your daddy’s right. He’s a pretty smart guy, you know.”

She nodded once, straight up and down, before continuing. “Okay, Mister Jim. Pam said that you don’t talk to her no more. And when you do, you act funny, like you don’t really listen at her, and it puts a rainstorm in her tummy. And when you do talk to her, it’s just cuz there’s nobody else to talk to. And she feels like she’s in Second Grade.”

“Second Grade? What’s that mean?”

“I dunno. That’s what she said, though. She said she feels Second Grade.”

“Maybe she said second-rate?”

Sasha shrugged, unconcerned. “Maybe. And then, she said that she would do something to ‘amind you of her and how you were friends. And so she had her art show thing, and she wanted you to come. But she didn’t want to make Karen mad when she talked to you, so she put a paper on the wall so you would see it and come, but you didn’t come. And she thought you were mad at her, but then she found her paper in Karen’s trash can…” Here, she leaned in to whisper once more. “…like she stole it.”

Jim leaned back in his chair, the air knocked out of him. Karen had ripped down a flyer for Pam’s art show? And, as a result, he’d missed it. How could she be so petty? So…mean. He felt the beginning of a headache coming on. And Pam thought he didn’t listen to her, or talk to her anymore? He tried to be angry about the accusation, but he just couldn’t muster the energy. Because, if he was honest with himself, he had to admit that it was true. Of course he listened to everything she said, and of course he wanted to talk to her…but he’d forced himself to act unconcerned and unapproachable in an attempt to shield himself from any more pain. He’d done it to save himself. It hadn’t really occurred to him that she would take it personally. And Sasha had said that…it put rainstorms in her tummy? What did that mean?

“Sash,” he asked quietly. “What did you mean when you said that she got rainstorms in her tummy?”

Sasha shook her head. “Don’t you know?” He shook his head at her, willing her to continue. “Well, sometimes, when I ask her about you, she cries. But I always cry loud and she just does it quiet, you know? And when I asked her how come she cried, she said it was cuz she had rainstorms in her tummy. She said that sad little clouds were rolling around inside her, and the lighties and thunders made it hurt some. And she said that sometimes it rained so much inside that it just spilled out, and she couldn’t help it. Sometimes it happens to me, too. Like when my mom says bad things about my daddy.” She looked at him oddly. “Doesn’t that ever happen to you?”

Jim sniffed a little, guilt and empathy burning out his irritation over letting himself get sucked up into Pam all over again. He stared at the ceiling until he was sure no tears would escape. “Sometimes.” When he looked back down, Sasha was giving him that quiet stare he’d come to know so well. She always got that look right before she said something ridiculously insightful. From the mouths of babes, right? He prepared himself for the worst.

“We have another germ we made up. You know what it is?” Jim shook his head slowly. “It’s ‘sappy’. It’s when you’re sad and happy at the same time. Pam says she’s sappy you’re with Karen. Cuz she’s happy you’re finally with someone you like…but she’s sad cuz it isn’t her.” The little girl glanced out through the glass once more. “She’s always sappy, Mister Jim. Never just happy.” She slid out of her seat and glanced up at Jim. “I’m gonna go play with my daddy now.” She grabbed her half-empty soda can with both hands and walked out of the break room.

Jim sat in stunned silence for a few moments, until he was disturbed by the sound of footsteps. He looked up to see Pam walking into the room. She stopped, looking slightly embarrassed, when she saw him.

“Oh. Uhm…Sorry. I didn’t see you there.” She glanced nervously around the room. “Have you seen Sasha? I though she saw me walking back here, but…I’m not sure where she went.”

Jim nodded, his throat constricted. He tried to speak, but no sound came out. He had to clear his throat twice before the words finally spilled out of him. “Yeah. Uh…she went back to hang out with Toby.”

“Oh.” Pam nodded and smiled at him awkwardly. “Thanks. I guess I’ll just go-“

“Wait.” Jim stood up and held out his hand. “I, uh…” He struggled to find the right words. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it to your art show.” Her eyes widened almost comically. “I didn’t know about it…you know?”

She nodded weakly. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “It wasn’t a big deal or anything.”

“Yeah. It was. And I should have been there.”

She sniffled and looked away, unable to meet his eyes. “It was fine. Really. I mean, a couple of people came, and…it was nice.”

His chest turned to stone, and he stared at the coffee pot. “Oh, right. Roy. You got back together with him.”

Her head swung around immediately, and she stared as if she was trying to read his face. “I meant Michael, actually. He came a little late, but…” Her eyes unfocused as she got lost in the memories. “He was so enthusiastic. He said he was proud of me.” She smiled absently and shrugged, chewing on her lower lip. “He even bought one of my pictures,” she whispered.

“Oh.” He struggled to think of something, anything, to say. But all he had was a stockpile of unanswered questions, and he wasn’t sure that this was the time to parade them in front of her. He felt ridiculous and uncomfortable, and he wasn’t entirely sure why or what to do about it. He decided to wait it out a little. He needed to have a long talk with Karen tonight...a talk that was long overdue. And tomorrow, hopefully, he’d be free to ask Pam all of the desperate questions that swam behind his eyes whenever he closed them.

He began to back towards the door, and noticed that her face shut down a little as he did so. She turned away from him to head back towards Toby’s desk. “I should probably go find Sasha,” she mumbled. But once she reached the door, she paused and turned back. He heard her take a deep breath, as if she was screwing together all of her courage. “Uh…Jim?”

He turned around, halfway through the other door. “Yeah?”

“I’m not with Roy. Not anymore. Never again.” She blushed and shook her head awkwardly. “I just…thought you should know.” She hesitated before turning to leave once more.

Jim imagined he could actually feel the rainstorm inside of him slacken a little, and finally slow to a weak drizzle. He almost smiled. Emboldened by her previous admittance, he whispered her name, just to see if she would turn back to him. He was pleased, albeit a little caught off guard, when she did. He searched, desperately, for the right words, so he could make her understand everything going on inside of him.

Then he realized he had the perfect word. He cocked his head to the side, his eyes peering softly up at her from beneath his eyelashes, and whispered, “I’m sappy to hear that.”

He grinned as her mouth dropped open slightly, and he walked back to his desk.