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1.

As the grey Scranton Sunday faded into night, Pam sat in her pool of sadness and self-loathing. She had made quite a mess of things. She was quite thoroughly alone now, with no prospects.

One moment she would dwell on Roy. How had she given years of her life to him? How could she have gotten back together with him? She thought of his rage when she told him about Jim. She was lucky, she realized, that she got out of there before a glass flew at her face. She thought too of all the little things over the years that she had put up with from him, all the times he let her down, all the times she swallowed the fact that so many of the things that other boyfriends did for their girlfriends he didn’t do for her.

She was, at least, finally free of him. The love was dead and gone. The thought of him repulsed her now, even scared her. She hated herself for all that she had wasted on him.

The next moment she would dwell on Jim. He had given her friendship and offered his love. Now she would have neither. If he didn’t already dislike her, surely he would now. Roy would probably make trouble, and word would get around to Karen too. It had been hard having him be so distant and seeing him with someone else, but she now thought of him actually hating her, having no respect for her, and it seemed so much worse. She could hardly stand it.

And yet she stared at her cell phone trying to work up the nerve to call him. Her mom, during a long conversation that made her feel a tiny bit better, convinced her it was the right thing to do. She had to tell him what happened; better that than have him find out from an angry Roy tomorrow in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot. And as much as she hated the thought of calling him, the thought of seeing him tomorrow, wondering if he had heard, if Roy had done anything, if he was mad at her, seemed even worse.

It was proving exceedingly difficult though. He would be annoyed at her call and downright pissed if not furious when she told him what she had done. Maybe Karen would be there and he would cut her off before she could even say what she needed to say. The thought of the voice that had been so friendly and warm, even loving, to her being cold and angry was almost making her nauseous. She told her self she would call at seven. Then seven thirty. Then eight. Finally, at eight-fifteen she climbed into bed and, steeled by the thought that whatever happened was unlikely to make her feel too much worse than she already felt, made the call.

2.

Jim sipped a beer and half-heartedly watched a basketball game. He was single again. He laughed at himself. All he had done to move on and he found himself back in Scranton, single, with Pam together with Roy.

The end with Karen had come quite unexpectedly. They had a fine enough evening at the party Friday night and had met up for early Sunday afternoon. Karen suggested they go away for a weekend together in March, maybe to her parents’ place. Jim responded with a very casual “Sure.” It was not enthusiastic enough for Karen, and before he knew it they were in one of their talks again. Exasperated, Jim said, “I don’t want to do this now. Can’t we just have lunch without plumbing the depths of our relationship?”

She sighed. “Jim, I’m going to make this easy for you. I’m tired of chasing you and hoping if I just work a little harder you’ll be as in to me as I am to you. It makes me feel like shit. I’m going to call it a day while I can still get out with a little dignity.”

It was a shock to hear, but along with some pain Jim also felt a little weight being lifted. “Wow. Uhhm, is that really what you want?”

“No, Jim, of course it isn’t. But what I want isn’t available to me and is never going to be.”

“God Karen, I’m sorry. I tried. I guess maybe…”

“I know, Jim, I know.”

It was, all in all, about as good a breakup as one could hope for, but left him feeling plenty guilty. He had used her to try to heal his own broken heart, and it had worked, a little bit. She had been mostly pretty great to him, and now for all her efforts she was left hurting because he couldn’t quite go all the way in with her, or even pretend that he could. He knew deep down that their relationship so often seemed like a struggle because his heart wasn’t quite in it. All their problems were symptoms of that.

God how miserable it was going to be tomorrow. Things would be tense and super awkward with Karen, and as a bonus he would get to see Pam together with Roy, which would surely hurt a little more now that he was single again.

His cell phone rang. Jesus, who? He debated not even picking up but reluctantly answered on the fourth ring, not even checking who was calling.

3.

Pam had hoped that maybe she would get voice mail. When Jim answered with a notably unenthused hello, her stomach clenched harder.

She spoke quickly and with a lifeless monotone. She just wanted to get it over with. “Hi Jim, it’s Pam. I’m sorry to bother you. Something happened Friday night and I need to tell you about it. Do you have a quick minute?”

God, she sounds awful, thought Jim to himself. What is going on? Is she okay? “Hey. Sure. Is everything alright?”

Instead of annoyed, Jim sounded friendly and concerned. But Pam was sure that would change after she spilled her news. “I…I told Roy about what happened at casino night. I was just thinking I needed to start being honest, getting stuff out in the open. But I should have talked to you about it first. I just didn’t think.”

Jim didn’t know what to think. “Huh. Wow. What did you tell him exactly?”

“That we kissed, and that maybe we had some feelings for each other. I don’t remember exactly the words I used.”

Jim could hardly imagine how Roy must have reacted to that. ”So how did he take it?”

“He freaked out, started throwing glasses. I got the hell out of there. Jim, I’m so sorry. I’m afraid he might do something stupid. I just thought I should warn you.”

“Yeah…Well, I always enjoy a nice fat lip anyway. Have you seen him since?”

“God, no. I told him it was over and he screamed back damn right or something like that in his rage. I’m totally through with it. Through with him. God, Jim, I’ve been so stupid. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to get you hurt or cause problems with you and Karen.”

He had been doing pretty well stuffing his feelings for Pam into a small place, but as he heard the pain in her voice, and the firm conviction that it was over with Roy, they started coming back. “Pam, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

They hung on the line in silence for several moments. Her anxiety was easing a bit. He didn’t sound mad at her. He sounded as friendly to her as he had been in a while. God he was such a great guy.

Jim broke the silence. “As long as we’re sharing news, Karen and I broke up today. So I don’t think you need to worry about that part of it.”

Pam’s heart started pounding, and she was almost ashamed at how happy she was to hear the news. She tried to disguise her true emotions. “Oh. I’m…I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

Again, several moments of silence. Then Pam spoke. She would wonder later where the courage came from. Maybe it was her desperation, or how safe Jim made her feel, or her new commitment to honesty. She closed her eyes and pretended she was just talking to herself. “Jim…I want you to know. I blew it. I know I blew it. When you said you wanted to be more than friends, I should have…I should have found a way. Because I wanted that too.”

Then, just as the realization of what she was saying was hitting her and she started to literally feel like she would throw up, she got out one more sentence.

“I still want that.”

Jim was stunned. He couldn’t think clearly. What to say? It was cruel to be silent. What did he know for sure? That he needed to see her. Soon. “Pam…maybe this is more of a face to face conversation than a phone conversation. Could I come over?”

“Yeah.” It was all she could manage to say.

“Okay, I’m on my way. What’s your apartment number again?” Jim had never been to her new place.

Pam was dazed, and for several moments couldn’t think of it. “221. Building F. Number 221. South Scranton Gardens.”

“Okay. See you in a bit.” He tried to keep a neutral tone of voice. Partly he wasn’t quite sure what to do, but also because after all the agony he had been through a part of him wanted to let her sit and wonder for a little while.

Pam, her heart rate still through the roof, finally swung into action, trying to make herself and her place a little more presentable. She didn’t get very far, though, before the doorbell rang.

During the drive over, Jim’s heart and mind had cleared. He knew exactly what he wanted from this visit. When Pam opened the door, any last doubts completely disappeared. She looked terrified and vulnerable and hopeful and beautiful beyond all description. He stepped close to her and swung his arms out to hug her, and she melted into him. They embraced tightly for a long time. Then Jim pulled back, not breaking the hug but moving back far enough to look at her face. He briefly looked into her eyes, then kissed her on the forehead, then once on each cheek. Pam closed her eyes and then felt his kiss on her lips, softly at first, then with more passion. All at once, she let herself go and met his kiss with reckless abandon. Soon there was a haze of clothes flying off and she was up against a wall. Roy was not on her mind.

4.

Pam heard her alarm going off. She scrambled to shut it off, and only when she caught a glance of Jim next to her did the night start coming back to her. She wanted to bask a little more before even thinking about heading to work. Jim pulled himself close to her but did not open his eyes. Was it all real? Her soreness proved that it was. There had been very little sleeping. Who would have thought that friendly, easygoing Jim was so absolutely relentless? They had consummated their relationship four times and on top of that, Jim had shown some tricks with his tongue that she couldn’t quite believe. After years of knowing nothing but Roy’s selfish and often drunken version of lovemaking, it was quite a change to have someone who focused on her. There was a lot to say, but last night their physical needs dominated. They had barely talked since Jim walked in the door.

Jim’s eyes opened. Pam was staring at him, smiling. She had one thing at least that she wanted to finally say.

“Hey, uh, can I talk to you about something? I was just, uhm…I’m in love with you. I’m sorry if that’s weird for you to hear… “

Jim laughed and pulled her on top of him. He thought of saying, “I’m sorry if you misinterpreted our night of fucking.”

Instead, he whispered, “I love you too. I always will.”

And to seal they deal, they commenced round five.