She stood at the sink, her back to the door. Yet, somehow, he could tell that she had been waiting expectantly for him to follow her. Oddly enough, her presumption didn't offend him the way Karen's had, despite the fact that Karen had far more right to her expectations. He shook himself loose from the thought and approached her, placing one hand softly on her shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
She sighed without turning. "I'm tired."
"Hey, there, someone very wise once told me about how important it is to get enough slee..."
"I'm getting plenty of sleep." She cut him off abruptly, and turned to face him. Her crying had ceased, and her eyes were dry but bright. "I am tired of waiting."
"Waiting for what?" In the pause that followed, Jim lost himself again. He was conscious that his hand was still on her shoulder, but he was determined not to move it. The subtle motions of her shallow breath seemed to send a signal up his arm and straight to his heart, reminding him that she was there, that she was real, and so was he.....He bit his own tongue in frustration, determined to stay focused on reality. It was just so hard when she was so close...
"I am tired of waiting for my friend Jim to come back."
"What are you talking about, Pam?" He felt irrationally and defensively irritated at her statement. His hand dropped to his side with a sharp slap against his thigh. "I've been back since the fall."
"Yeah. You've been here. Karen's boyfriend, Mr. Assistant Regional Manager with his nice new suits and trendy new car. But, see, Jim used to come in and make the day for everyone in the office. Me, most of all. He knew absolutely how to find fun in every single boring second. And he used to smile so, so brightly. And...." her voice broke a little, "I just feel like I'd give anything to see that smile again."
"Pam. I'm the same person I always was. I'm just not a kid anymore. Was I supposed to be some washed up goofball forever? Hating my job. Playing jokes like a bored kid in school in order to impress some girl who was engaged to another guy? Now I've had two promotions in one year and I've got a great girlfriend who wants to be with me....all...the...time." He paused as his voice trailed a little, then resumed his more determined tone. "I don't want to be that sad sack ever again."
"Humph." Pam folded her arms and looked him squarely in the eye, one eyebrow arched in an expression that told him he wasn't fooling her at all. "Funny thing. I just can't seem to figure out why you seemed so much happier back when you were miserable."
"Why do you care so much? It seems pretty selfish that you are all upset that I'm not trailing after you anymore. You had your chance, you turned me down. Why begrudge me the right to move on?"
"Had my chance? Oh, like two minutes taken by surprise in one evening kind of chance? Nice." She pushed by him and headed for the kitchen door, turning back to him when she reached it. "I know I hurt you, Jim. And I am so, so sorry. But I wasn't in the position to handle things any other way. And I don't think you can say that I've begrudged you anything. I've gone out of my way to try to support this 'new Jim' thing you've got working. Hell, I even helped you out of an argument with Karen, when what I really wanted to do was scream at you to dump her and be with me instead. And, I'll continue to support you. Because, I love you and I want you to be happy." She was now talking so fast that the words seemed to tumble on top of each other. "But don't YOU begrudge ME the right to be really, really sad about it."
His hair ruffled in the breeze from the door swinging shut. He stood, rooted to the spot, unable to process what had just happened. On one hand, he felt convinced that he was in the right. He was successful in his career ("If this was my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train," his own words mocked him in his mind) and had a beautiful girlfriend, ("I'm really happy I'm with Karen." yeah.) so what the heck did it matter if Pam didn't like it. She had enough issues, breaking off a wedding, stuck in a nowhere job....He suddenly felt really, really guilty. He hadn't thought about what Pam's life was like at all...it had always felt like she held all the cards, had all the control over their relationship....it never dawned on him that she could feel like he was in the driver's seat.
He walked back in to the office, and sank slowly into the chair at the empty desk. He lifted the receiver on the phone (his phone) and dialed.
"Hey. No, just wrapping things up, I'm about to leave now. Yeah, I will. Um.....can I ask you something? No, it's just......well....." this was really awkward, but he had to say it, put it out there, make it seem real and not just like some stupid dream like everything else. "Do I seem happy to you, Karen?"
Chapter End Notes:
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More to come!
