DISCLAIMER: The Office does not belong to me. Like, at all. So I would really appreciate it if I didn't get sued. Because I'm not making any money. So if the real owners came after me, I'd have to run off to Mexico, change my name to "Quincha" and set up a native pottery display in some public square. 

Special thanks to xoxoxo for being the most awesome beta ever and putting up with me rambling on and on and on about this story. Seriously. She rocks.

IV: CALL ME

"Hello?"

"I did it."

"What?"

"It was glorious, you should have seen it."

"Who is this?"

"Common, Beesley don't rain on my parade."

"Sorry, I couldn't help it. So what was this glorious thing that you did?"

"I put Dwight's stapler in jello."

"What?! Oh my God, really?"

"Yep. And Michael's precious 'World's Best Boss' mug."

"Together?"

"No, separately."

"What did they say?"

"Dwight lost it. He immediately accused me of course. But I'm sure I had no idea what he was talking about. You really should have seen it."

"I wish I had! What did your boss say?"

"Oh, he hasn't seen it yet. But the cameras did catch it."

"That's right! That started today? So, how does it feel to be a superstar, Mr. Halpert?"

"What can I say? My trailer's too small, they never have the flavor of jellybeans I ask for, I'm having to hide from all the rabid fangirls, and my assistant always forgets to put sugar in my coffee!"

"Unbelievable. It's so hard to find good help these days. And they say you're a diva."

"I know! You know that I'm really all about the people. It's the price you pay, I guess."

"Poor baby. But, seriously, was it weird?"

"Not really. More like...bizarre. More than usual. But the camera guys are pretty cool. I feel like finally the rest of the world can experience my daily pain."

"Well, I can't wait to see you on tv. Bet they make you wear make-up."

"Pam, it's a documentary. The whole point is that we be 'au-natural'."

"So...you're naked?"

"You're just going to have to wait and see."

"I'm on pins and needles. Oh hey, how did you come up with the jello idea, anyway?"

"Would you believe that I'm a prankster genius?"

"Umm...no."

"Ouch. That was unnecessarily straight forward. I think you might hurt my feelings. But I'll let it slide since the jello thing was your idea."

"What? No it wasn't."

"Well, maybe not directly. But inspired by you. Remember when you met Sasha and you said that you remembered that your mom would be big cake pans of jello with pieces of fruit suspended inside?"

"Oh my God, you remembered that?"

"It sounded cool! It turns out the be pretty simple. And there you have it: a stapler in jello."

"I never would have thought of that. But I'm fine talking the credit for it."

"Nice, Beesley."

"What can I say? I'm a giver."

>>>***<<<

"So, I bought a car, finally."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah, I'm so glad that I don't have to take the bus anymore. I hated waiting for it when it snowed."

"You used to have to wait for it in the snow?"

"Well...only sometimes. When Roy was late to work or out with the guys or something."

"..."

"It wasn't that bad, really, Jim."

"Yeah, well...I'm glad that you've got your own ride, Beesley."

"It's not the prettiest car, but it's mine, so I like it."

"I'm sure you do. You're going to have to drive it over and show it to me sometime."

"Sure."

"And, Pam?"

"Yeah?"

"...If you need anything, you know can call me, okay?"

"Thanks."

"Don't sweat it."

>>>***<<<

"Seriously? You wrote ebola?"

"And mad cow disease."

"Hmm. I gotta admit I'm kinda disappointed in you, Jim."

"What? Why?"

"Ebola? Mad cow? That's seriously the best you could come up with?"

"Oh, well, what would have put down?"

"Something more creative? Make something up!! Like...say that you were suffering from a rare disease where something really weird happens. Like your teeth dissolving in your mouth and sliding down your throat."

"You mean...spontaneous dental hydroplosion?"

"Yes! Oh my God, exactly!"

"You're right, Beesley. I can't believe I forgot to mention that. I'm ashamed of myself."

"You should be. Because you forgot pretendinitis."

"Count Choculitis."

"Oh my God! Wait...killer nano robots."

"Nano robots? Seriously?"

"Jim. It's an epidemic."

>>>***<<<

"Today was the worst day ever."

"Really? Worse than usual? How is that possible?"

"Two words. Expense reports."

"Yikes."

"Seriously, I think I died. And I don't even know why we bother sometimes. I mean, they've been threatening to close our branch and my boss decides to take the day off to buy a condo."

"Do you really think that they'll close your office?"

"I really don't know. It's really up in the air still."

"Well have you thought about what you'd do if they did close?"

"Umm. Yeah, I guess."

"You have a resume?"

"Somewhere there's one, I think."

"Jim. Even if they don't close the branch, you've gotta get out of there. You always say that the idea of staying there makes you want to walk into oncoming traffic."

"Beesley, honestly, have you seen traffic here? It's like, nonexistent. And I think that my exact phrasing was 'throw myself in front of a train'."

"Be serious, Jim. Have you even looked at other places?"

"I don't know, Pam. It's not that simple."

"You are great. I know you could be doing something better, with more money and maybe doing something that you actually enjoy."

"...Yeah, yeah, you're right, maybe I'll do that. I mean, I've got follow your good example, right?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"...nothing. Nevermind, just forget it."

"I should go."

"Pam, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"..."

"Pam?"

"Yeah, no, don't worry about it, Jim, really."

"No, I'm really sorry. It's just...been a long day, you know? A long week, actually."

"I should go, though, so you can get some rest. Maybe you should call Katy."

"...I probably shouldn't seeing as how she doesn't really want to talk to me."

"Oh. Well, just give her a few days. It'll work out, you'll see."

"Yeah...I really don't think so."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's better, really. I mean, her favorite movie is 'Legally Blonde'."

"Jim..."

"Hey, you know what? I just remembered that Mark asked me to do something for him last night and I totally forgot, so I should go. Maybe we can do something this weekend?"

"Yeah. Sure. That'd be fun."

"I'll call you, then. Bye, Pam."

"Bye, Jim."

>>>***<<<

"Pop rocks in his Coke."

"Bloody glove in his car."

"False messages from his mom."

"From the sheriff's office."

"From Jan."

"About finally making him assistant regional manager?"

"It's only right."

"How about moving all his stuff to another empty desk?"

"Oh! A treasure hunt!"

"Why don't you just move the whole desk?"

"Oh yeah? Where? It's not like there's many places for me to put it."

"That's what she said."

"Oh no!!! What the hell was that, Beesley?"

"You're changing the subject. Oh, I've got one! Pencil cup in the vending machine."

"Wow, breaking out the big guns, huh? I like it."

"Thank you."

"Ransom for his bobble heads."

"A letter from Publisher's Clearing House. Oh wait, wait, I've got it!"

"What?"

"Selective amnesia."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yes! It's perfect! Make it like he suddenly forgot just one thing about his life."

"Like what?"

"A sibling? That he owns property in Alaska?"

"No, I've got it. A secret girlfriend."

"No, fiancee."

"Yes, I love it. You're going to have to help me with this, Pam. Because this is quite possibly the best prank ever, and you were the mastermind. Which means, of course, you're going to have to help me."

"Why, Mr. Halpert, I'd be honored."

>>>***<<<

"Jim."

"Hey! I didn't expect to hear from you tonight. How's it goin' Beesley?"

"Um...listen. I know you're at a work thing or whatever..."

"Oh, yeah. I was going to tell you tomorrow that your bank-robbing idea? Probably would have been more fun. I feel like I've been kidnapped."

"..."

"Hey, Pam, are you okay?"

"No, it's just...Roy called."

"...oh."

"He said things about...how it used to be and about what's important about us...I know he's drunk, but he was just so..he said..."

"Pam, did he say something to hurt you?"

"No! Nothing like that, he was just...I'm just worried about him. I really hurt him, Jim and I'm not sure what he'll do. I was hoping that you guys were all together somewhere...I just don't want him to do something stupid."

"We're on a boat, Pam. He can't do much. Please, stop crying. Don't worry, I promise to keep an eye on him. I'll call you tomorrow...err, later today."

"Jim...thank you."

"You don't even have to mention it, Beesley."

>>>***<<<

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How are you?"

"Mmmm....I've been better."

"Okay, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Oh, you know me so well."

"I like to think that I do."

"I like that you think that."

"So, spill. What's the matter?"

"...I hate January."

"The month? This January or all in general? Should I come over and rip out all the first pages of every calendar?"

"No, I'm serious. It's cold and snow is everywhere. Not the fluffy white kind either. It's just dirty slush. Everyone's taken down the Christmas lights and there are zero holidays that mean time off from work. Just long, cold, lonely days, stretching out forever into each other."

"Hm. Yeah, it really is depressing isn't it?"

"..."

"..."

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you called."

"Yeah. Me too."

>>>***<<<

TBC...

A/N: Okay, so this a plot device to show the passage of time. I hope I didn't confuse many of you. I love the idea of Jim and Pam talking about nothing, and  have it mean something. Does that make sense? I know that it sounds like the premise to Seinfeld, but it's not, honestly. Also, I know that I said that work was not going to be something that would bring them together, but I lied. Because let's face it, Jim's life consists of work and ...work. And biking. And that's kind of it. So, yeah....

Thanks so much to everyone for reading!! 

cheers.

--Lex