Jim knows Karen is actually a really good girlfriend. She's gorgeous, for one thing. She's traveled a lot, and tells great stories, she can sing, she actually likes video games (she bought a Wii, for God's sake, even before he did), and she can drink him under the table, judging by the night in Stamford they had to stay late -- she wasn't the one singing Indigo Girls. And when he'd told her he still had feelings for Pam, she'd stuck around.
He's trying to make this work. That's why he didn't tell her he is -- was -- in love with Pam, just that they'd kissed. He is trying to make this work.
It's been better, the last few weeks. Now that Pam's dating Roy again, a small part of Jim has let go, again, of that hope. She looks happy, and she's dressing nicer, wearing more makeup, and she giggles when Roy comes up to get her for lunch. Jim tries not to watch, but it's impossible. He's taken to going to visit Karen, or the break room, or even Toby and Kevin, whenever Roy comes up to visit. He's made a lot of changes to his fantasy teams, these past few weeks.
The cocktail party's even more awkward than a usual work party, because most of the people here aren't used to Michael. And Pam isn't here to joke with. Jim knows perfectly well the only reason Jan even invited him was to counteract Michael, to prove that someone in Scranton could resist the temptation to add "that's what she said!" to ordinary comments. He sometimes wonders if Jan doesn't want him to take over the branch soon. As much of a trial as Michael can be, Jim doesn't want that. This is already starting to feel too much like a career.
It's a long drive to New Jersey, where the CFO lives. He and Karen ride together, and a weird part of Jim can't help but feel like this is a bad idea, for neither of them to have an exit strategy.
"Hey," Karen says. She looks really, really good. Jim doesn't really care how stylish a woman is, but he has to admit, Karen's clothes do something for her. Not that he knows what that something is, but it's something.
"What's up?" He doesn't turn to look at her, but he does turn the radio volume down.
"I just wanted to let you know, my ex might be there." Karen plays with the hem of her dress.
"What?" For all the time they'd spent talking about Jim's exes -- well, mostly about Pam, which isn't the same thing at all -- they hadn't talked much about Karen's exes. Karen had more questions than Jim had, which is why Karen knows all about Katy and his college girlfriend and Marie, his eleventh grade date to homecoming, but he only knows the guy's name, and not much else about him.
"Taylor, right?"
"Yeah, Taylor. Taylor works for corporate now, in New York -- that's... that's why we broke up, too hard to do long distance."
Stamford is forty-five minutes away from New York. He wouldn't have even had to move, if he didn't want to. Jim doesn't question it. "Is this going to be OK? Did you break up on good terms?"
"Sort of," Karen says. "I mean, it was weird. I ended it, I decided -- Taylor wasn't thrilled. It was weird, and we, we haven't really talked much since."
"So it is going to be weird tonight," Jim says, flashing Karen a grin. His stomach is knotting itself up, a little, but Karen has to put up with weirdness at work, so he figures he can survive one night. It wouldn't be a Dunder-Mifflin party unless it was awkward, right?
They spend most of the drive in silence. Karen looks out the window, watching the lights rush past in a blur. Jim sneaks glances at her every so often -- she is really, really pretty -- but he doesn't say anything. The radio is still quiet; he never turned it back up, and he can just make out the words. 'Cos we'd be stuck in this place for an age or two ... and the vacuum in space draws me to you
There's a valet to park the car, and Jim knows this is going to go even worse than he thought. He tries to smooth his hair back, but it doesn't take; he needs a haircut. He wishes he'd worn a nicer tie.
+ + +
It's been forty-five minutes, and so far, not so bad. He's had a beer, and Karen's on her second glass of champagne. Michael has actually not been too terrible -- he's only told the lighthouse joke to two people, and Jan's got him on a pretty short leash. She looks good, too.
This is not helping.
As soon as he walks into the room, he looks at every guy and tries to guess which one might be Taylor. The camera guys pull him aside, to the hall leading to the bathroom, to ask him what he thinks about meeting Karen's ex.
"So, one of these guys is Karen's ex, and it could be any of them. That guy over there with the guacamole on his tie. The uptight one who keeps turning down the music. It's like Let's Make a Deal.
"You don't think it's that old guy, right? I mean, he's got to be Michael's age. That... that would be weird."
Jan comes out of the bathroom. Her face freezes as she spots the cameras. Jim takes the opportunity to slip away as they zoom in on her, and Brian the sound guy starts asking about her and Michael. He doesn't really want to talk about Karen's ex-boyfriend. He doesn't really want to think about Karen's ex-boyfriend.
Karen's been looking around too, trying to spot Taylor, though she's trying to act like she's not. Jim can't read the look on her face.
Jim and Karen are talking when Taylor walks in. Jim is facing away from the door, but he can tell by the way Karen's eyes go wide, the way she's suddenly looking straight past him like he isn't even there. Jim counts to ten in his head before he turns around.
This guy? he thinks. Taylor's tall -- but not as tall as Jim -- with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. He has highlights, and Jim has a fleeting thought of disappointment. He's not walking towards them, though: he scans the room, gives Karen a onceover that makes Jim kind of angry, and heads off toward someone else.
Jim is so focused on Taylor's path towards the kitchen that he doesn't right away notice Karen pulling on his sleeve. "Jim," Karen says, her voice higher than usual, "this is Taylor." Karen has a weird grin on her face -- part like it's forced and part like she can't help it -- and she's standing next to a woman.
The next five seconds take an eternity for Jim to absorb and process. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Taylor who is evidently not Taylor laughing with some woman in the kitchen, and he sees the woman who walked in behind Taylor who is not Taylor looking up at him. She is really, really, really pretty. She's taller than Karen -- she must be nearly six feet -- and her curly red hair falls to her elbows, and she has big blue eyes that look less than thrilled.
+ + +
"Yeah, I mean, Taylor. That was... that was new." Jim keeps running his hands through his hair, pulling it out in every direction. Brian the sound guy holds the mic at him, impassive, but AJ the camera guy looks sympathetic. After the little red light goes off, he whispers, "Happens to the best of us."
Jim buries his head in his hands.
+ + +
Karen is furious, even though she's whispering. "I didn't think you were the kind of guy who had a problem with that!"
Jim's not. The kind of guy who has a problem with that. In theory, it is very much not a problem. In theory, the idea that Karen used to date a woman who's wearing snakeskin heels is so far from a problem Jim doesn't even know the word for it.
In theory.
In reality, this is weird, and he's pissed that Karen never said a fucking word about the fact that she used to date girls, which -- so Jim hasn't dated a ton, these last few years, but he's pretty sure that's still considered relevant information. He didn't get more than four hours of sleep for five nights in a row while they talked, and he told Karen every single thing of any importance that had ever happened to him, pretty much. They'd talked about everything -- everything but the fact that Karen dates girls, apparently.
And Karen is mad at him?
But she is, because Jim's not being especially understanding or openminded right now, apparently. "I know," Karen said, her voice low and hissing, "that you haven't been completely forthcoming about everything either, Jim."
"What are you talking about? I have never dated any guys."
Karen gives him this look like he's little, the same look she got when he said he'd never been to Europe, hadn't finished college. "I mean about Pam." Jim had no idea Pam's name could sound like a bad word.
"Pam doesn't date girls." Even as he says it, Jim realizes how incredibly dense he sounds. Taylor's watching them out of the corner of her eye. She's standing about ten feet away, and Jim can feel how hard she's straining to overhear, even though her face doesn't give it away.
"Look, I don't see what the big deal is," Karen says, holding her hands out, palms up. "We dated for a while, but I prefer men, so we broke up. I told you I dated someone in Stamford before I met you."
"Yes," Jim says, and he has that same tunnel feeling, like it's a sure sign he's gone crazy because he thinks he's the only sane one -- the same feeling he has at meetings. "Yes, but you never said Taylor was a woman. I'm pretty sure I'd remember that part."
"You never told me you were in love with Pam," and like that, it's all out there.
+ + +
"I was kind of surprised," Taylor says, running her finger around the lip of her champagne glass. "I knew Karen had decided she preferred men, but I would have thought... he's cultivating that floppy look, isn't he?
"I just thought when she said she liked men more, she meant men, not boys."
+ + +
They take the fight outside -- Jan keeps shooting him warning glances, and he knows she's taking this as a personal insult; she brought him to be on his best behavior.
Karen is still talking about how Jim never told her he was in love with Pam, and Jim wonders how she knows. He can only process every other word or so. There's a lot about Pam, and something about giving him a ride when he was too drunk to bike and a lot about moving to Scranton. Jim looks right at the camera and jerks his head towards the house. He's normally pretty good about inviting the cameras into his life, and he likes to think he brings some much-needed comic relief. This time, they can cut him a fucking break.
As the camera guys walk back into the house, Jim knows they can hear him say, "Look, she was with someone else the whole time. I had feelings for her and she didn’t feel the same way."
Karen gives him a withering look.
+ + +
"Was it on purpose? Yeah, I guess," Karen says, twisting her necklace around her index finger. "I mean, it's not that I thought he couldn't handle it -- I thought he'd handle it better than this. I just... you know, I moved here for him. And he was in love with the receptionist."
+ + +
"I know what you're going through, buddy," Michael says, sitting next to Jim on the couch, where Jim is working on his fourth beer. "I know alllll about love triangles."
Jim really isn't in the mood for this.
"I mean, you have the one woman you've loved forever, and this this new girl waltzes in, sells you a condo, talks to you over breakfast, but really, you know all along she's not right for you, because she's just not the one you love. Also, she completely overreacts to what was intended as a gesture of love. It's just like what you're going through."
Jim nods politely. Best to go along and hope it ends quickly.
"What I'm saying is," and Michael taps Jim's knee, "she didn't marry Roy. And that says a lot."
But not about me, Jim thinks.
"And you two -- if you still love her, what are you doing? Stop wasting your time. Karen's hot, yeah, but she's kind of a boy -- I told you she dressed too masculine -- and Pam... Pam is Pam."
"Pam's dating Roy again," Jim points out, and drains his drink.
"BFD. Like I told you before, engaged isn't married. And dating definitely isn't married. One of these days, you'll learn that I'm always right. Look at me, dating a hot, successful, sophisticated New York City woman. Because I fought for her, and I wasn't distracted by some new fling."
"But Carol dumped you."
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying -- I wasn't distracted by her."
This is not helping.
Michael slaps Jim's knee. "I'm just telling you -- as an more mature, more experienced man about town -- take it from me. You have to go with the woman you love. Especially since the other woman apparently likes chicks."
Jim excuses himself to go to the bathroom, because he doesn't trust himself to talk right now.
+ + +
"Um, yeah, I don't know what's going to happen with Karen. She's pretty mad at me right now, and..."
Jim has stopped looking at the camera. AJ turns and trains the camera on Karen, talking with Taylor. They're leaning into each other, and Karen is laughing.
+ + +
Jim's back outside; Jan would be mad he isn't mingling but she's out here too, chain smoking. The CEO was pretty pissed to find her making out with Michael in a back bedroom.
"So. Girl trouble?"
Jim laughs, a little hollow, and says, "Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"Well, I'm not sure I'm the best person to be giving you advice."
"I wouldn't be so sure." Jim lightly punches Jan in the arm. "Way to bag that Michael Scott."
Jan rolls her eyes, but she smiles too, just a little bit, in spite of herself.
"You're happy, aren't you?"
Jan doesn't answer, but she can't keep a smile from quirking her lips, and Jim knows she's actually really happy. With Michael.
"I have to say," Jim says, "I did not see this coming."
"Look," Jan says, taking a drag on her cigarette and exhaling sharply. "Take it from me. You have to follow your heart. Even when it sucks."
She drops her cigarette, stubs it out with her toe, and walks back inside.
+ + +
When he comes back inside, Karen and Taylor are putting on their coats, talking low. Karen looks over at him, and for a minute she looks guilty, but Jim just shakes his head, gives her a little smile. She smiles back, hesitantly.
She gives him a little wave as she follows Taylor out the door.
+ + +
It's a long drive back to Scranton, but Jim doesn't mind. He rolls the windows down, just enough to feel the wind rush across his face on the way through the car, and he doesn't feel the cold. The radio's playing loud enough to drown out most thought, and the road stretches out, straight ahead, as far as the eye can see.
"My Humps" comes on, and Jim automatically reaches out to change it, but stops, hand hovering over the dial. He snorts, smiles to himself, and leaves it.
Story Notes:
Co-written with Kate. This takes place during "Cocktails," but was written beforehand. The lyrics Jim listens to in the car are from Bell X1's "Next to You."
Also, a disclaimer: Not mine.
sundancekid is the author of 12 other stories.
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