Disclaimer: I do not own these wonderful characters. I bow before Greg Daniels.
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Pam arrived at the office earlier than usual despite her 2 am bedtime the previous night. She had hoped that by being already seated and engrossed in her work, she could avoid speaking to Jim when he came in. She knew that her work did not come close to anything that could be described as engrossing. Painting drew her in. The gaggle of mindless tasks she was assigned by Michael made, at best, perfunctory use of her attention. Nevertheless, over the years, she had perfected the all-important office art of pretending to be busy all the while sneaking glances at Jim’s desk. She needed to assess Jim’s state of mind before even risking talking to him.
Pam fished keys out of her purse, and opened the main office door. The idea of purposefully ignoring Jim’s morning arrival made her sad. It was always a highlight in her day. He would lean against her desk, and with a gleam in his eye, would share an idea for a new prank or would describe what he watched on television the night before, inserting all sorts of comments into it, just to make her laugh. After last night’s conversation, she figured those good times had probably come to an end, but she held some faint hope that Jim would see that friendship was really all she could offer him. After a few days, he might take it in stride, and start coming by her desk again. Everything would then back to the way it was.
Pam hung her pink jacket on the coat rack, wistfully smiling at the memory of Dwight’s disbelief and amazement at Jim’s display of psychic power. Hard to believe it had happened only the morning before. As she sat down behind the bulky reception desk, Pam glanced at Jim’s desk, and noticed that it was empty.
She walked over to the desk, and opened the drawers one by one. Everything had been emptied out save a few paperclips, a headset, and a stapler. She walked back to her desk, and saw the blinking red light on her phone. She decided to jolt down the messages, hoping to hear Jim’s voice somewhere amidst the numerous calls that always filled the machine every morning. There were three messages from companies still awaiting deliveries, a message from Jan saying she was running late, and would not be able to arrive at the casino night before 9 pm, and finally there was a short message from Jim.
“Hi Pam. Can you please let Michael know I will not be in today? I ran into Jan last night before I left, and I am meeting her in New York today to finalize my transfer. It looks like I will be starting in Stamford next week. Jan will send some paperwork later today for Michael to sign.”
He had left. He had really left. He had said last night he was leaving for Stamford, but somehow, she never thought he would really do it. This was Jim! Jim had always talked about leaving this office for as long as she had known him, but he never actually acted on it. Sure, he had applied for other positions, had interviewed for other companies, but he never ended up taking any of them. Last night, after the kiss they had shared and the fact that she had rightly pointed out to him she couldn’t go around kissing men while she was about to walk down the aisle, she genuinely thought he was trying to hurt her by mentioning he was going to leave Scranton. She thought it was a veil threat from a man with bruised ego.
Yet, Jim was not like that. Sure, they had had conflicts over the years, most recently due to his dislike of her wedding preparations on company time, but he had never been cruel to her. He had never tried to manipulate or confuse her. How could she have convinced herself Jim would try to hurt her? He was not vengeful or spiteful. He was in love with her though…
That was the elephant in the room. He was in love with her. He was in love with her, despite the fact that he usually went for much prettier, girly girls. In a perfect world where she was still single, she probably would have gone for someone like Jim. He was sweet…and funny…and handsome…and had these long arms to wrap around you and make you forget the rest of the world. However, this was not a perfect world, and Roy was the one to whom she had made a commitment. You could not renege that because of fantasies of another life.
She had built a life with Roy. It was far from perfect, but they weren’t totally unhappy either. She had a future, a purpose. She would soon be his wife, and then, they would have children. This should make her happy, shouldn’t it? All her friends seemed fairly content with that kind of lifestyle. A 9-to-5 job, and a family to come home to. That’s what her mom did, and she was certainly happy. Pam would enjoy it too…
Sure, she would have preferred it if Roy had supported her artistic ambitions. He had made it amply clear that he thought it was mostly silly nonsense, and they had to focus their energies on what was important. Because buying a house was more important than art internships or trips to France so she could go paint. Rationally, she knew that. Yet, she was filled with a sense of sadness when she thought of art as always taking the backseat in her life. Roy just didn’t get that drawing and painting were the few things that made her feel alive. It brought back in her this sense of childlike wonderment. It made everything just a little happier, prettier, and more fun.
Jim seemed to understand that. When she had wanted to join the graphic art internship suggested by Jan, he had been her biggest cheerleader even as Roy had resisted her involvement. Jim would always marvel at little sketches she drew and left lying around her desk. Last year for her birthday, while Roy got her yet another sweater, Jim bought her a book about sketching the human body, because she had bemoaned the fact that she could not draw anything besides still lives. And he had even included a card with the gift that said, “I have been told I am the perfect man so I will happily be your guinea pig.” Pam teared up at the thought.
This may not have been a perfect world, but it seemed like she was letting perfect opportunities slip by her. Happiness would not be hers until she actually made an attempt to grab it. It was a scary thought, but she knew she would always regret it if she didn’t try.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This second part is from Pam's POV. There will be a third part some time in the next few days...
