Michael stepped out of the elevator in his newly purchased black Italian suit. Jan was coming that morning for a important meeting. As he passed the large potted plant in the hallway, he heard voices coming from stairwell door. In full Agent Michael Scarn mode, he crouched down behind the plant to eavesdrop, pressing his hands together like an imaginary gun.

A male voice spoke, “My problem is that I’m really frustrated. We’ve been together for months, so why can’t we tell anyone?” The voice sounded vaguely familiar but Michael couldn’t put his finger on who it was.

A female voice that also sounded familiar responded, “Just…because. I’m not ready to tell the world about us.”

“Come on. He’s not here anymore, if that’s your excuse.” Michael couldn’t hear the woman’s response, but the man spoke again in softer tones. “Its just that I love you so much. As clichéd as it sounds, I want to shout it from the rooftops.”

A huge smile spread over Michael’s face. A secret office romance? He loved the “crazy sexual tension” in this place. His office was a breeding ground for illicit activity.

Back in his office, Michael made a list of possible romantic attachments, but he was drawing a blank. He was usually so good at this. He had, after all, made out with Jan. Who could it be? Kevin and Angela? Oscar and Kelly? Toby and Meredith? Ha, Toby in a relationship - he would just get divorced again! Dwight and anybody?  Cross off Stanley - he’s married. Phyllis was dating Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Jim and Pam? No! His good buddy Jim would have definitely told him if anything had happened with Pam. Besides, those two weren’t even friends anymore.

Michael glanced up and watched as Ted, the camera operator, recorded the latest Dwight-Jim debacle. He wondered if he could ask the documentary crew if they had seen anything that suspiciously resembled an office romance. He couldn’t though - he had received enough notes from Diane, the director or “dictator” as he called her, asking him to stop acting and be natural in front of the camera. What a hard thing to ask a born entertainer like himself!

How was he expected to work when a mystery surrounded him? An idea popped in his head - a bonding activity that would definitely answer his question. Jan would love this!

Michael gathered the employees into the conference room.  He clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “OK, team. Today, we are going to bond.” A groaned filled the room, but he ignored it. “This is an affirmation building experience. Pam, do you have the manila envelopes?” She raised the envelopes above her head.

“Good. OK, each of you has an envelope and throughout the morning, all of you have to write something about what each person brings to this office. I’ll use myself as an example.  Someone could write me a note that said ‘Michael, you are a wonderful boss-slash-friend. But your greatest gift to this office is your talent of bringing joy through laughter and entertainment.’”

Almost everyone bowed their head and nodded uncomfortably. He continued, “After lunch, you will be able to read the affirming messages your co-workers have written for you.”

Dwight raised his hand, “Question: what about criticism?”

Michael shook his head. “No, say something nice or don’t say anything at all.” Dwight muttered disapproval under his breath. “Alright gang, let’s get the affirming on!”

Twenty minutes later, Jan arrived at the office. She paused at the reception desk, speaking to Pam about the graphic design classes. Michael waited awkwardly by Jim’s desk until Jan was ready. “How’s it hangin’, Jimster?”

Jim didn’t look up from his computer. “Working on the Harrison Motors’ account.”

“Good stuff, important client. Yep, yep.” He put his hands in his pocket and bent over too closely to Jim, looking at the screen. Jim leaned away from Michael and sighed. Michael didn’t notice. “So, what’s the 411?”

“What?”

Michael stepped back from the computer. “The 411. Do you know about any good office gossip?”

“I have to send this information to Harrison’s by noon. I’m really busy.”

“That’s what she said!” Michael laughed uncomfortably even though he knew the joke didn’t make any sense. Jim shot him a confused look as Jan came walked over.

Jan and Michael were in his office for most of the morning. He had no idea what was going on in the conference room, but if he did, this is what he would have heard:

“I feel like I’m in elementary school, you know, when your mom makes you give a valentine card to every kid in your class,” said Toby. He wrote “good job” on a pile of post-it notes before sticking the notes in the envelopes, conveniently forgetting to put one in Michael’s.

“This is so much fun!” replied Phyllis, who spent over an hour writing personalized messages to her coworkers.

Kevin scratched his head as he tried to think of subtle dirty comments.

Creed glanced around cautiously before putting a hand in Meredith’s envelope. He pulled out a pile of messages and pocketed them in his suit jacket.

In between reception calls, Pam concentrated as she drew a caricature for each of her co-workers.

Jim chuckled to himself as he handwrote a letter. Dwight eyed him suspiciously.

Back in Michael’s office, Jan seemed pleasantly surprised by his idea of the employee affirmation. During the meeting, she told him how pleased corporate was with Scranton’s recent performance. In fact, the branch had been responsible for rising the company’s profits by 3 percent. Corporate was considering giving raises to everyone in the branch, but especially to the regional manager.

Jan smiled sweetly at Michael. Immediately, he forgot about his serious relationship with Carol (and by serious relationship, he meant occasional sex - but he was never one to kiss and tell).

“Hey, do you want to have an encore of that night in the Chili’s parking lot?” Jan’s smile quickly faded.

----------

After lunch, the Dunder-Mifflin employees sat in a circle in the conference room. Next to Michael, Jan sat with her arms crossed across her chest. Michael leaned in to smell her perfume, but instead caught a strong whiff of cigarette smoke. He wrinkled his nose. Pam sat on the other side of him and was about to hand out the envelopes when Michael stopped her.

“Hold on there, Quick Draw Beesly. I decided to change the rules up.” There was a consensus of rolled eyes. “Well, sort of. You can choose an envelope in the hopes it might be your own, or I can choose it for you. Either way you might get yours…” His eyes gleamed. “Or you might not. Anyway, whichever one you choose, you have to read the messages out loud.”

Next to him, Pam shook her head vigorously. “No, this is a really bad idea.”

Michael was offended. “No Pam, I think it’s a great idea! Come on, who’s first?”

Kelly raised her hand. “I’ll go first.”

“Great, Kelly Belly.” She shot him a glare. “Deal or no deal?”

“I’ll take that one.” Pam handed Kelly an envelope and she read aloud. “Um, the first one says, ‘Oscar, you’re a really great accountant.’ The next one says, ‘Oscar, thanks for doing an excellent job in accounting.’ This one says, ‘Oscar, good job!’ Th-”

“Boring!” Michael shouted. “Someone else’s turn.”

Meredith went next and read messages for Stanley that included, “Stanley, you’re good at your job,” “I enjoy sitting across from you,” and “You sure talk on the phone a lot.”

Michael clutched his throat. “I’m dead. I died of boredom. Who wants to go next? How about it, Temp?” Ryan shrugged. “Deal or no deal?”

“Just give me one.” Pam handed out another envelope. Ryan pulled a wad of messages out of the envelope.

“ ‘Jim, I like your hair,’” Ryan began.

Pam jumped, “No! Let’s not read any more out loud.”

Michael looked at her questionably, “Why not?”

She didn’t meet his eyes, “I just don’t want anyone to be embarrassed.”

“We can’t interrupt this affirmation activity. Continue, my guy Ry.”

Ryan shook his head. “Um, this one says, ‘Jim, you are an adequate salesman. You have the potential for excellence, if you applied yourself. If you are interested, I am willing to tutor you in the secrets of a master salesman.’ Its signed D.K.S.”

“Dwight, you weren’t supposed to sign your name!”

Ryan continued reading the rest of Jim’s messages until he got to the last one. He unfolded a note written on Dunder-Mifflin letterhead. As he skimmed it, he folded it back up and started to hand it to Jim, who reached out for the note.

Michael stopped him. “What? You have to read all of them in front of us.”

Ryan shook his head for the umpteenth time. “This is a personal note for Jim.”

Michael snatched it away. “We’re a family. Families don’t keep secrets.” Jim was still in mid-grasp when Michael began reading. “ ‘Dear Jim, You have the potential to be a great salesman… Hehe, sorry, I searched through your envelope and found Dwight’s note. I agree though, you would be a much better salesman if you stopped staring at the receptionist all the time. Though I have to say, the receptionist spends most of her day staring at you because you’re so damn adorable.’” Michael paused to glance at Jim, who leaning forward in his chair, his lips pursed together. Pam hid her face behind her hands.

Michael continued reading. “ ‘But seriously, Jim, I want to tell you how much you mean to me. You are my best friend and yet, so much more than that.  The past few months have been incredible. I never thought that I would ever experience love like you’ve shown me. For the first time in my life, I feel so beautiful and its because of you. You care about my every thought, no matter how silly. You inspire and challenge me in so many ways - like encouraging me to pursue my artwork. I feel like I’m finally living my dreams and its all because of you. I’m sorry we fought this morning. You’re right, you know. Why shouldn’t we tell everyone about us? I think I’m almost ready. But until then, Jim Halpert, I want you to know how unbelievably in love I am with you. Love Always, Your Pam.’” Michael’s jaw dropped as he realized what he had just read. How could Jim not tell him? How could he miss what was going on right in front of him?

A dozen pair of eyes fell on Pam as she blurted out, “Jim and I have been secretly dating for months.” Jim looked at her, his face mixed with shock and undeniably of love.

Everyone spoke at once. “I’ve known for a while.”

“You guys aren’t very good at hiding.”

“Yeah, Oscar and I caught you guys going at it.”

“Kevin!”

Stanley crossed his arms and said gruffly, “Well, the janitor told me. Now, can we get back to work or are we being paid for this?”

Michael stood up and waved his hand dismissively. He was upset that he was the last to know, but tried to play it off. “Yeah, you two were so obvious. I mean, I was the first one to figure it out. Everyone, I think we’ve bonded enough for the day. Get back to salt mines.”

The employees congratulated the happy couple as they filed out of the conference room. Pam was leaning against Jim’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He whispered something in her ear when Michael said that he wanted to speak to them.

Though he was upset, Michael smiled graciously. “Jim, Pam, I am so happy that you are finally dating. The tension was unbearable for all of us. I mean, we’re a family here. I’m like your dad and you are my kids. I can’t tell you how happy I am that my children are in love. I give you my blessing.” Then he turned and waited for Jan. He could tell by their faces how much they appreciated his approval of their relationship. In reality, they were horrified and speechless.

Jan paused briefly and said purposefully. “You two have to sign a consensual relationship form for corporate. Toby will give it to you.” Then she lowered her voice and smile softly, “But I have to say that I’m really happy for you guys. I’ve had my suspicions ever since you turned down the transfer to Stamford, Jim. You two are precious.”

Jim placed a light kiss on the top of Pam’s head. “Thank you Jan.”

Jan knocked on Michael’s door. “I think we have finished all of our business today, Michael. I’ll talk to you at a later time about the raises.” Michael waved a quick goodbye to her. He was still upset that he was the last to know about Jim and Pam. Still, he should be excited that he, Agent Michael Scarn, solved the mystery. He opened his envelope and read his messages.

One said, “I think you’re really cute.” The handwriting looked vaguely familiar.

Placing his hands behind his head, he leaned back in his chair and smiled.